things not unrelated to the previous part 3

so there i am staring at a picture on my wall during a quiet time of meditation...i say to myself..."i hate that fucking picture"...immediately...it falls off and breaks...as for two other pictures on my wall...well...they switched places...possibly at the same time...fucked , eh??? luv stu

things not unrelated to the previous part 2

on our annual retreat...i forgot my winter hat...thing is...it just happened to be in my travel bag anyway...easy mistake to make , right??? come the end of the week...i couldnt find my hat...and felt impressed not even to look...got home...and there it was exactly where i left it on my desk...(oh yes...i had a second hat...one for casual wear...one for jogging)...luv stu

things not unrelated to the previous part 1

five years ago...my best friends wife died...i packed my things and went to another friends place for obvious reasons...i had two bags...one full of garbage and one full of my clothes...accidentally i threw my clothes down the garbage shoot...(being somewhat preoccupied)...i didnt care a whole lot about the genes and such...but i also threw away my favorite sweater...anyway...i got to my friends car...and there my sweater was in his back seat...luv stu

June 30

June 28

what i was told by gabriel part 3

"we are entering the day of revelation...by that what is meant is...all things will be revealed for what they are...no place to hide...god is tired of all the bullshit...what is said in private...will be broadcast form the rooftop"...(luv stu)

what i was told by gabriel part 2

"god is calling his people together...some christian...some jew...some muslim...some atheist...some gay...some transvestite...etc...simply... he is calling the people who live to love and...who are willing to put their brothers and sisters needs above their own...dont let religions confuse you...it is not the container that is important...but that which is inside the container"...(luv stu)

what i was told by gabriel part 1

"institutionalized religion is not gods idea...it is a product of mankind...the innate desire to control...manipulate...and make into his own image...religion is supposed to be spirituality...and by that i mean...human relationships bonded together by gods spirit...which is love...people are to form community...not church...or anything similar"...(luv stu)

choosing your religion

there are two types of religions in this world...masturbating and non-masturbating...before you choose one...make sure to ask them which one they are...luv stu

the first day of the rest of my life

again alone in the bath tub...probably a week later than the last time...i forget...but who gives a fuck...anyway...someone comes to my doorway again...but this time i make visible contact...someone is behind him...the first guy laughs...the guy behind him does not...he is concerned for me... in 4 months time the guy laughing tells me...and i quote..."you will die a violent death in the hands of evil men"... right now in the states...there is some lady saying that the second guy is giving her messages...i have two points concerning this...one...he doesnt talk a lot...(to me anyway)...two...the bits ive heard...well...they seem to be the same things his friend has been telling me for the last two years...maybe she is maybe she isnt...anyway...they have proven to me that this is real...in fact...among other things...i have seen them play with the laws of physics like a child plays with his teddy bear....ultimately...you will have to make one of two conclusions...i am a liar...or i have an intimate and ongoing relationship with two arch angels who seem to go by the names of gabriel and michael...love stu

blinded me by science

maybe the spiritual world is not that different than the world of science...for example...6 and 7 years ago...i had approximately 200 demonic encounters in the night and eventually early morning...there were about 7 distinct demonic personalities all together...one had something to do with fire...i got out of bed after an attack... my sheets were covered in blood...and when the cuts healed...they healed as burn marks...as stated...this shit went on for 2 years...then...suddenly as they appeared...they left...over the next 3 months of my life...3 dear friends-non of which were very old-died...but that is another story...my point here is as follows...maybe what i am going to tell you in the very near future would not have happened if these attacks never had happened...maybe every action needs an equal and opposite reaction...luv stu

June 23

the roommate...thief

so my roommate decides to bugger off...owing me 700 dollars...but here is the shit....two dynamics...one...she is a married woman...two...she left in her room a love letter written to her by her lesbian lover...the point is simple...what is the loving thing...and you know...it is not good enough to simply not send the letter to her husband...but what has to be done is the letter has to be disposed of...that is....control has to be forfeited...anybody can be a prick...but only the true lover will shine like the moon...live love...no matter what somebody does to you...luv stu

whitehorse

so there i am...last september...walking the streets of whitehorse...and i ask this native canadian..."how do i find downtown?"...she replies..."where are you from?"...i say..."halifax"...she just laughs...and points and says..."the liquor store is that way"...luv stu

if you thought i was full of shit before part 2

so there i was back home in the bath tub...i looked at the door...somebody...or something ...was there...i couldnt see him...but sure as shit...someone was there...it was like an episode of star trek...my body seemed to be going through some sort of...you know...you saw the fucking show...the one were kirk screwed the alien and shit...anyway...then he was gone...and i was left staring at the door...until tomorrow...luv stu

if you thought i was full of shit before part 1

it was august...the year before last...(whatever year that was)...anyway...i went on vacation by myself...i love being with people but i love being alone too...(back in 97... i went on a vacation for a week or so...and spoke less than a dozen words to anyone over the entire time)...this vacation was only 3 days...i hiked...sat in the tub and listened to music...beautiful and peaceful...but something was different...i was feeling sad over a broken relationship...but the joy was unspeakable...fuck...i couldnt quite put my finger on it...but if i had a thousand guesses...i never would have guessed...luv stu...p.s...ask anyone who knows me...i am not a liar...all this shit is fucking true...gotta go.

June 21

a sweet story part 2

so i am on my way out the door...going...wherever...vacation...anyway...i give my dog a kiss good-by and...as i am making my way to the door...god speaks to me and says..."your dog is going to get hit by a car...pray for protection"...so i do...next week i come home and my dogs leg is in a sling...my mother proceeds to tell me that she got directly hit by a car...and that she doesnt have a fucking clue-she left out the word fuck-how she survived...(as a side note...just about every day when i lived in australia...i prayed that my dog would survive long enough for me to see her again...she died a couple of weeks after i returned)...luv stu

fishing

so my father takes me fishing with his drinking and hunting buddy-parker... suddenly i hear the words..."holy fuck!!!"ring out at the top parkers lungs...next thing i know...he takes a pistol out of his pants and begins to shoot at a fish...apparently...the fish was very big and for some unknown reason...this got parker really excited...anyway...i cant remember a fucking thing about most of our fishing trips...i can thank parker for the memory...thank you parker...luv stu

the picture

a friend of mine baptized this lady in a swimming pool owned by an insignificant third party...as the service proceeded however...the pool began to rumble...they could feel a horrible feeling emerging from the water...something evil...a few days later they got the pictures of the event back from the shop...sure as shit...you could see in the water...the outline of about a dozen evil demonic faces...i was not there...but i did indeed see the pictures...luv stu

no shit

so my mother takes me to a friends place when i was about 4 years old...her friend has a kid and he beats me up...eventually...my mother teaches me how to fight...we go back to their house...and this time its my turn to fuck someone up...soon after...the lady takes her kid and they move to the other side of the city...there they meet a new friend...and exactly the same thing happens...the kid beats the shit out of their new friends kid...only to get screwed in the rematch...but heres the thing...the kid who won the rematch...10 years later he would become my step brother...no shit...luv stu

stepnen strang part 3

my brother comes in the house screaming...he had been bit by a dog and he was demanding my fathers attention...my father simply goes into the closet and grabs a baseball bat...he gives it to my brother and says..."now you go and show that fucking dog whos boss , son"...luv stu

the cat

my friend brad and myself...year 1989 in ozzy...a time of meditation and prayer on his front balcony...suddenly we hear this weird fucking sound...its a cat...but its speaking...crap...i say to brad..."did you hear that???" he says..."yea"...i say... " what did you hear???" (i dont want to be the one that looks like an idiot)...so we play verbal ping pong for a while...until the truth comes out...the cat is demon possessed...and it is threatening to kill us...time for a big bucket of kentucky fried chicken...luv stu

hearing from god part 4

there i am walking downtown to go to my favorite record store...suddenly i am told..."go the other way"...i do and there i meet my x-doubles tennis partner...i feel overwhelmed by his presence...for the first time in my life...i tell him how much i care for him...and how much i loved the two years we spent in competitive tennis together,,,we embrace unlike ever before...he was soon to die in a motorbike accident...luv stu

summer camping part 7

it was meant to be an exercise in learning what you think and feel inside...i got all the kids to talk to a tree and write down what it would say if it could talk...you know...projection and all that shit...it worked fine...except for this one kid...the little fucker started hollering and kicking at the tree...he really thought that it was supposed to literally talk back to him...and the poor little bastard did the same thing in hide and go seek...he actually looked under a flat piece of cardboard for 30 or so people...anyway...he wasnt a bad kid...luv stu

summer camping part 6

being color blind...i was to find myself...on numerous occasions...wearing odd socks...and the kids at camp had an interesting approach in dealing with my "affliction"...by the end of the week...everyone was wearing odd socks...it was sort of the opposite of being judgmental...filling in the gap for someones weakness is not a normal practice around this planet...but wouldnt it be so wonderful???

June 18

pizza hut

1989...any month will do...me and my buddy get out of bible college at noon...we drive to his place...put on some coffee...he says..."sick , isn't it???" (in regards to bible college)...his wife comes out with lunch...we look each other in the face...get out of the chairs...and drive to pizza hut...she was a wonderful woman...but her food tasted like shit...luv stu

sehah part 7

in terms of pioneering a church...here is what i learned...find a place...discern the demographics...contrive a worship service to fit that people group...then proceed as congruently to their needs and comfort level as possible...heres what i did...rented a meeting place...loved anyone who came along...(mainly kids that nobody else wanted)...watch them grow up and get married...and become the most amazing group of people in the world...people have this habit of throwing the most beautiful things in the garbage...we like shiny things...shiny calculated cold hard dangerous things...things that come across the exact opposite of what they are things...listen...if a human doesnt come across broken in this world...they are either lying...or they are probably not human...luv stu

my only blind date

so my best friends mother sets me up with this young lady...i pick her up...i immediately feel a sense of relief...why??? because at least i know i am not going to get beaten up...i mean...holy shit...she has arms and shoulders as big as mine...anyway...we go to "pizza hut"...and eat every fucking piece of salami in the store...(complete exageration)...and then we go back to her place and meet the family...and thats when the fun really begins...her uncle thinks he is a prophet and her father thinks he is an apostle...they look like a couple of drunk fucking bowlers that havent taken a bath for a week to me...but whatever...i put up with all this bullshit for a while...then they decide to show me how spiritual they are...they go upstairs...grab this 12 year old boy out of bed...bring him down...sit him on a chair...and begin to cast demons out of the poor little kid...one says..."did you see the snake come out of his mouth???" the other agrees...i agree too...i agree its time to get the fuck out of dodge...and i never went back...luv stu

why religion goes to shit

the hard cold fact of the matter is...most people in this world figure everyone else should essentially believe the same crap they believe...now this usually doesnt go to a bad place when the subject is sports or big tits vs small tits...(usually)...but the closer this gets to the heart of the human condition...(mainly sexuality and religion)...the more volatile the situation becomes...there are many reasons for this...(not really believing what you say you believe is one of the biggies)...but lets just say...for whatever reason...this is proof that religion really does suck...that is to say...if your belief system does not lead you into greater love and acceptance...throw the fucker out...luv stu

acadia university

it was snowing...class was suspended...got on a bus...froze my ass off...and went to a mall to buy a copy of..."long may you run"...artist..."the stills young band"...essentially...i did almost nothing...it cost almost nothing...but for some weird reason...it was possibly the best day of my life...(and i have had some great fucking days)...what makes a wonderful day??? there is experience...there is who you are with...the climate...the aesthetics...there is your spiritual and emotional condition...and then...what most dread...the elements that are beyond our control...things we dont even understand...here is the irony...what we do understand...usually isnt even correct...point...the only way to live...is to let go...accept...and love...there is no control...only the illusion of control...luv stu

elizabeth

i preached this sermon at selah back in 1996 or 7...the topic was how beautiful things can grow upon our pain and despair...that is...shit can be the environment where true life can grow...as i was talking...i couldnt help but notice this somewhat strange look upon the face of a young lady named elizabeth...afterward i asked her..."elizabeth...what did you learn from my sermon tonight???'' she replied..."take no fucking shit from nobody"...there is what happens in life...then there is how we perceive it...reality is not subjective...but sometimes we make it that way...luv stu

the human race

there is this fast food place in downtown halifax...recently there has been two signs posted on the store front window...one read...essentially..."best fast food in its category in halifax"...the other..."closed by the board of health"...now...i dont know exactly what this says about the human race...but i am reasonably sure that it aint very nice...luv stu

June 16

summer camping part 5

its chapel time...you know...church of sorts...anyway... a few hours afterward this teenage boy named charles comes up to me and says that he wants to talk...so he does...he tells me that he and the girl he was sitting with...well...how do i put this...here it goes...she gave him a hand job under a blanket during chapel...i should be mad at this sacrilegious activity...but how do you get pissed at such a creative dynamic...plus...its his first hand job by anyone but himself...besides...it could be a lot worse...years later me and my artistic partner write this song..."chucky gets a hand job in the chapel"...dont thing they will play it on c100...luv stu

the fix

i admit it...while working for the downtown jesus dispatchment...i fixed a lottery...heres the shit...we had a draw for this bicycle...and the person who won...well it just happened to be the one kid who didnt throw shit at me...coincidence??? nope...luv stu

June 14

downtown jesus dispatchment

this "lady"...is in charge of one of my people groups...and...i cant remember why...but things really go to shit between us...i fire the bitch...and what does she do??? she calls up all the kids and tries to convince them the program is over...for good...now , if that aint bad enough...her co-worker...who i also fired...accuses me of hanging around bars getting drunk all day...(opposed to doing my job)...not a fucking word of truth in it...anyway...thats what happens when you cant afford batteries for your vibrator...and...oh yes...forgiveness is very important...however...i probably would not have had to forgiven them if i had bought them the batteries...luv stu

selah part 6

there are two types of ways to live your life...institutionalized and organic...most religion is institutionalized...that is...sterile...predictable...contrived...simply there for the perpetuation of the institution...it breeds wickedness...hidden by a cloak of righteousness...organic is the opposite...looks strange...broken...yet is real...and therefore...allows things to grow and heal and become...that is...the possibility of love...selah is real...and so is the pain associated with it...love will always find a way...luv stu

selah part 5

was i in love??? i still havent figured it out...all i can say is...thank god for intuition...fact of the matter is...if i had known what was about to happen to me...i would have broken it off with her...nobody in the world should have to stay with someone who was about to take the direction that i was to take...i could have done it differently...they gave me all the fucking chances to back down in the world...but there is this thing called integrity..."a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do"...come october 31st 1994...my money...my reputation...my girl...most of my ministry...my emotional health...(i spent the next year in denial about it all...then the depression...the post tramatic stress...the loss of sleep...it all hit at once)..."is this the end of underdog???" well...lets put it this way...in the words of charles bucouski..."i began my life surrounded by ass holes...but i would rather begin my life surrounded by ass holes than end my life surrounded by ass holes"...luv stu

warm fuzzies

it is late 1988...australia...i write a sermon and proceed to go to the travel agency to get a ticket to go back home...you know...canada...anyway... i get in to this conversation with the travel agent about god and stuff like that...one thing leads to another and i eventually invite her to " international outreach" where i am to preach that week...she says to me that the only way she would come is if i preach a sermon on the "warm fuzzies"...yup...you guessed it...the sermon that i had just finished writing was on the "warm fuzzies"...and she did indeed come...luv stu

simple life

get this...second year university...a wonderful friend of mine lived in between where i went to school and my home...every day...(youre gonna love this one)...she would wait for me with milk and cookies...( well, not every day)...so sweet and innocent...the story of adam and eve...is basically about innocence...how beautiful it is...and as we pursue our own inclinations...it all goes to fuck...pursue love...then just let life happen...luv stu

high school years

i wasnt the high school sports guru of the year...but i was a top 10 tennis player in n.s...i didnt go to all the important parties...but the 3 best human beings in the school were my friends...it was this other fellow-he had no name-that seemed to draw the majority of the female attention...but i was dating some of the prettiest girls in the city...it was like i invented my own culture...a wheel within a wheel...fuck...i was the most respected fellow in the school...i even had my own bible study....and all the "important" people would periodically visit...just out of respect for me...i was the street fighter turned bible thumper...and people werent sure if i was going to hug them or eat their brains...i was the best armwrestler in the school and the age of 15...they say that high school is the best time of ones life...well...it sure as fuck was...right up until the day i went to university...then that was the best time...right up until i got that job in the parking lot...i brought presents every day...and turned it into a game show for the regulars...you know...answer a skill testing question and shit like that...luv stu

non alcoholic wine

1988 in australia...at a friends place...singing and just fucking around...we drink 3 bottles of non-alcoholic wine...(long story)...we finish the third...and the first one is full again...now...until 2 years ago...i tried to convince myself it was just my imagination...but that was 2 years ago...now that i have seen what i have seen...this kind of shit going down...its just normal everyday life...luv stu

destroyer

1989 in australia...playing tennis with a friend of mine...i see a demon outside the court...his name is destroyer...he is there to simply fuck me up...next week i am at a friends place...she comes down the stairs crying...she tells me what she had seen...a demon...about 7 feet high...completely black...and about 18 inches wide...i hadnt told her a thing about my experience...but what she saw and what i saw...exactly the same description...luv stu

summer camping part 4

last night of camp...me and this guy go for a drive...get a bite to eat...go for a row and drink some labrador tea in the middle of the lake...you know...nothing special...but heres the shit...it was just perfect...immaculate...next scene...one year later...we try to duplicate our success...stale as three year old bread...we try to contrive life...manipulate our situation...it dont work , baby...life should carry us...lead us...religion is the ultimate form of attempting to control...the spirit compels us to let go...love and see what happens...luv stu

the bible college teacher

back in "bible college"...1988...i ask one of my teachers out on a date...sorta...anyway...she was just not my type...(not that it goes much better when i date my type)...so we do not date again...which was the right decision...and do you know why i know it was the right decision??? well...i will tell you...the bitch flunked me...i was not even having difficulty with her course...one thing about people into hard core religion...they sure are consistent...luv stu

summer camping part 3

last day of camp...i discover this boy in my cabin was dying of cancer...i ran down to the chapel crying...i pleaded to god to take me instead...three months later...i almost die of phenomena as a direct result of all this...(long story)...thing is...the kid wasnt even sick...just a fucked up rumor...i find this out by contacting him after the summer was over...but the most screwed up part...his little brother gets cancer in a few years time...luv stu

the crow part 3

are you aware that crows have two different languages??? one for their intimate family relationships and one for the "murder"...fact of the matter is...intimacy is where life is at...we go through life with metaphoric gloves upon our hands...we hide from each other...and...as a result...eventually learn to hide from ourselves...dont...find someone to trust...and if they fuck you over...dont fold...just find someone else...the more brilliant your life...the more you will get hurt...whatever...life is a process of discovering the ones who are born to love...and guess what??? they are the only ones that fucking matter...they are worth the journey...luv stu

just outside boston

a friend of mine and myself are at some hotel just outside boston...i go for a walk...suddenly...i see some sort of spiritual manifestation to my right...it glows...it is the outline of some man smashing in the head of another with a rock...then i feel a rock being thrown at the ground before me...but there is no rock there...fuck...within seconds... a car attempts to run me over...i get back to the hotel...my friend asks me how my walk was....luv stu

hearing from god part 3

so there i am in my apartment...i suddenly become aware...a friend of mine attempted suicide...myself and another friend drive to his place...and there he is on the floor...covered in blood...there is nothing that prepares you for such an event...there is pain...fear...but beyond all...unconditional love...that will never end...luv stu

June 11

billy tisdall

it was 1988...i was living in australia...anyway...my room mate was this guy named billy tisdall...just about the dumbest fucker i had ever met in my live...so i come home one night...and he proceeds to tell me that if my possessions were in a different order...its because the house shifted...about a few days later...he walks in blind drunk...he tells me he is going to murder me in my sleep...now , until that time...i was the one guy that didnt want billy removed from the place...there is this thing called boundaries , however... most people either let others walk all over them...or they are too assertive...(there are other alternatives...but you get my drift)...point...billy was no longer my room mate after that shit storm went down... luv stu

tub time

there are a couple of tub times that i would rather forget...the first was in 1977...i was in the tub...throwing my radio in the air...seeing how many times i could clap my hands before i caught it...this is opposed to attempting to spread a little knowledge and intimacy to a rather confused world...one of my reasons for the series...redemption is a beautiful thing...the second...i was in the tub with my girlfriend...(a long time ago)...and she had to sit with the tap behind her back...roughly translated...i was being a dick...it is good to grow up...there is nothing wrong with mistakes...but they are there to take us some place healthy...luv stu

hearing from god part 2

summer of 1986...i am teaching this young fellow how to drive...(summer of 1994...he is about to travel to hawaii..."on a mission from god "...the last words i say to him were"dont forget to tell your wife i said hi"...he calls me fairly soon to tell me he met this girl...says he asked her to marry him)...anyway...back to '86...paul is driving...i am half asleep...god says to me that a bee is about to fly in the car and paul is about to fuck things up...i open my left eye...sure enough...a bee flies in and paul proceeds to kick its ass as the car begins to leave the fucking road...i grab the wheel...everything is o.k...we proceed according to plan...luv stu

hearing from god part 1

if you have been following this blog for the last few months...and you are observant...(which i am sure you are)...then you know i am getting up the nerve to tell you one of the most fucked up things you will ever hear...anyway...heres some prep...i was in new york with a friend...at this cafe...i see this man...about 6"8 inches...looks like he had been familiar with the "ways of the inner city"...god speaks to me and tells me he had been involved in a murder...tells me he asked him for forgiveness but doesnt believe he has it...tells me to tell him he is forgiven...so i do...he weeps and embraces me...better that than breaking my neck...luv stu...(yes...i would hope that he "turns himself in"...that is not my business however).

the institution

once an institution has an idea...the money and power behind it will make sure it is "believed"...the the more fucked up the idea...the more the violence is in defending it...cold hard fact of the matter...it is a lot easier to turn lies into "truth" than it is truth into good times...i mean...here is the shit...i was working downtown doing the somewhat dubious job of helping people out of their own personal hell...and...due to circumstances beyond my control...ended up attempting to stop this young fellow from jumping off a bridge...i did not...i told my employer about it and his response was simply..."how many girls do you have coming to intermediate basketball?"...now what in the name of fuck are the dynamics that led to this response being a good idea???...luv stu

tennis

between 1981 and 1983...i taught tennis for the city of halifax...now...as you may guess...my technique may have been just a tad different than that of many tennis instructors...my objective was to create an environment where people felt and in fact were loved...create a sense of community and belonging...and allow learning (and possibly healing) to spring from there...i remember the end of year event...my kids against the kids from another tennis sight at the other side of the city...coming forth to get their little trophy or whatever...my kids were hugging me and in mourning...the other instructor...well...i dont know sweet fuck all about " hitlers youth "...but my guess is...it was probably similar...no joy...no sharing...no trust...just cold and empty... his kids were more talented than mine too...("they came from the land of opportunity") ...but guess who won ??? i dont know...i think the learning methods in every walk of society should be questioned actually...luv stu

June 9

selah part 4

so there we were...this young community in the midst of an ocean of religious institutions...fuck...in the words of bob segar..."wish i didnt know now what i didnt know then"...i listen to my sermons from the early 90's from time to time...they seem...to me...sweet...the fact of the matter is however...they caused more shit than heinz has pickles...i simply dont understand...however...by the summer of 1991...my reputation proceeded me...i was a fuckstick and i had to be stopped...nobody could ever tell me what exactly i did...but...whatever it was...they sure as hell didnt like it...i like to perceive this as light in darkness...yet it was horrible...god helped...so did booze...in the words of john lennon..."whatever gets you through the night"...luv stu

the tiger

once upon a time...there was this great tiger who would bless anyone who would touch him without feeling fear...a certain man desired the tigers blessing above all things...yet when he finally came to see him...fear grabbed his heart and he walked away...the man spent the rest of his life persecuting all of those who had received the tigers blessing...he died alone and empty...luv stu

selah part 3

do you know what happens when you simply "preach" unconditional love??? everybody thinks they are there with you...fully completely...but they aint...love is transparency...trust...disclosing secrets for growth...both personal and community...love suffers for another...by the end of our first year...the 30 or so we had...dwindled down to 5...first christmas...i gave a sermon to an empty gym...all but a little mouse that ran across the back of the building...people love real...until it gets real...luv stu

selah part 2

what every "ministry" needs is a song leader...right??? so we get one...heres the shit...once upon a time...there was this tiger in captivity...all went to hell in the zoo...and they had to let him go back to the jungle...but the poor fucker...all he could do is pace back and forth...20 paces...the same as in his cage...and such is life...we do what we are told...and we dont give a fuck if it has anything to do with how we should behave...life should be beautiful...options should be explored...retuals should be replaced by loving freedom that expands the soul and spirit...we should learn from the past...not let it define us...we should embrace the future...not let it scare us...love is freedom...live love...luv stu

June 7

summer camping part 2

o.k...you are not supposed to lie to kids...in fact...you aint supposed to lie to anyone...but there was this one little prick...he pisses off just about everyone in the entire place...then cries like a baby because nobody likes him...anyway...he just wouldnt shut up...i find a solution though...i tell him , essentially...he is being persecuted for righteousness sake...that he is a model of integrity and everyone is jealous...10 or 12 years later...i pick him up hitch-hiking...he had just gotten out of jail...luv stu

selah part 1

its december 24th 1989...i step off the jet...back home from two years in australia...30 pounds overweight...infected with a potentially fatal virus...shit...three doctors had recently told me i was a "prime candidate for heart attack or stroke"...this is the definition of ironic...i am just about to begin the most dynamic and real (possibly) community in the history of the continent...and i am all but half dead...friends are waiting for me at the airport...its cold as fucking hell...to the average person...it looks like its over even before it began...luv stu

the car

so a friend of a friend of mine is reading the newspaper...it says..."brand new b.m.w. for sale...50 dollars"...he gets in his car and drives to his destination with 50 dollars in hand...no...it was not a misprint...50 fucking dollars for a brand new b.m.w...before he leaves he just had to ask her the obvious..."lady...why in hell are you selling this car for 50 dollars???" her reply was as follows..." recently my husband died...and at the reading of his will i was to discover that he had a mistress...anyway...the cocksucker requested in the will...that i was to sell the car and give half to her"...true story...luv stu

masturbation in the tropics

there was one thing about life in australia that i did not appreciate...that is...come night time...if you were to have some private intimacy with yourself...after the "onanism" is completed...you would have to take the toilet paper and immediately flush it down the toilet...and here is why...ants...billions of fucking ants would flock to it like a zombi to brains...now you may think this only a minor convenience...but not when you are in bible college...those mother fuckers would throw you out for such behavior...(you know why i was a fundamentalist christian??? they would emotionally abuse me just like my father)...anyway...funny how people can react differently to sperm under a bed...some people would ignore it and the ants...some would think it funny...some would use it as an opportunity to murder ants...and then there are the self righteous little pricks that would use it as an opportunity to throw your ass out of bible college...point...it is not so much what happens to us in life...but our reaction to it...luv stu...p.s...i was never really a fundamentalist...i just happened to keep interesting company...luv stu

co-dependant blues

they say that 50% to 60% of marriages end in divorce...but heres the shit...it is a whole lot easier to get out of a good relationship than a bad one...fears , phobias , unmet needs , laziness , trying to find something a parent never gave...all this crap can work together to keep a relationship "functional"...the best way of keeping a child at home...be a bad parent...they will be looking for something from you until "the cows come home"...real love allows people the freedom to move and grow and become...not search for oblivious shit that they dont even know they are looking for...50% of marriages end in divorce??? my fucking ass they do...luv stu

the fan belt

every thursday night...back when i lived in australia...i would visit my friend , brad and his wonderful family...anyway...on my way to his house...i would always pass this broken fan belt on the side of this old country road...one night , however...i perceived that someone had moved the fan belt about 10 or 15 yards from where it "supposed" to be...i reached down to grab it...and by gods mercy...the fan belt slithered away from me...i took a closer look...fuck...it was not a slithering fan belt but a ti pan... the second most lethal snake in the world...life is so much more rich...when you are not bitten by a viper whos bite can kill...i dont know...20 to 30 full grown men...luv stu

supper time

quite a few years ago...during one of my not so financially secure periods...i was downtown with a friend during supper time...he wanted a steak but was completely broke...my attitude in regards to such things is as follows...the only things we can take "with us"...are our integrity...our word...and our acts of love...that is to say...fuck it...if my friend wants a steak...then i will buy him a fucking steak...so i sat there and drank my water as he ate...afterward...i got myself something a little cheaper not too far away...but heres the shit...when the waitress asked him what he wanted to eat...his reply was..."i cant afford to eat"...in turn...the waitress looked at me like i was the biggest ass hole in the universe...point...the god of most people...is themselves...and once that god is made god...all becomes about you...dont be like this...the road to true joy...is to love another more than you love yourself..."they loved their lives not even unto death"...luv stu

June 4

control

so the security guard was bragging about the state of the art security of his building...bragging as well about what a great security guard he was...meanwhile...3 feet away... i was behind a plant...pissing away at my convenience... as his mouth continued to flap...urine continued to meander past his left shoe...we have no control...just the illusion of control...the stream of life flows where ever in the fuck it desires...we either go with it...or fight against it...exhausting ourselves as we go...luv stu

gremlins

it was 1974...i was 12 years old...i lay in bed staring at the wall...there were red shapes...they danced and moved across a blanket on my window like ginger rogers across a stage...they began to take shapes...definite shapes...they were gremlins- or gremlin like anyway-and they began to savagely kill each other...of course...i was mind-fucked...eventually i got up the nerve to move in front of them...to prove it was all just my imagination...nope!!! one of the fuckers held his buddy on a stool...and a third...lifted his axe...stopped the motion for a second...looked at me...waved...then proceeded to chop off the head of his victim...luv stu

the crow part 2

at work recently...a good friend of mine found a dead crow...for whatever reason...he and his buddies-all carpenters- buried it and gave him a funeral...the next day , however , the crow...once again...was above ground...not eaten...not disturbed...just above ground...if that aint weird enough...all four fellows involved...had separate car accidents in the immediate future...strange , eh??? luv stu

suffering

the fact of the matter is...many people are concerned with the dynamic of truth...the issue is...eventually truth gets in the way of what people want...at this point...truth is replaced with what is commonly referred to as bullshit...the cold hard fact of the matter is to embrace truth is to embrace suffering...why else would we defer truth to bullshit if not to avoid suffering??? there is no light unless we are prepared to suffer...there is no god...its a paradox...isnt it??? all the joy in the world is contingent upon allowing ourselves to suffer...if you "kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight"...it will indeed bleed daylight...but be prepared for your foot to hurt like hell...luv stu

June 2

hitch hyking

it was september 86...i was freezing my fucking ass off on a camping trip...so decided to come home a day early...these people picked me up just outside kedgi park...drunk out of their fucking minds...next thing i know...we are going 110 miles per hour on the wrong side of the road...now dont ask me how he did it...but one of the two guys got his hat stuck on the windshield...and the fucker climbed out on the hood to get it...meanwhile...i am in the back seat talking to his girlfriend like nothing was going on...you know...sports and shit...luv stu