fools july 31 2010

what we desire usually becomes our god... not a very good god either...dead...cold.... not real...and we become the same...fools , by all accounts...time to defend god...violence...accusations...projection...self righteousness...and pity...become our chief weapons ...fucked , eh??? love is truth...no foolishness here...love is wisdom...embrace it and stop being an idiot...luv stu

Aug 30

milk truck

i saw a milk truck for the first time in about 40 years last week...and do you know where it was the last time i saw one??? the same fucking spot...give or take a foot...luv stu

selfrighteous existance june 19 2010

hitler was obviously a homosexual...that is...a homosexual that learned "safe behaviors" as a way to compensate for who he really was...and this is common to the entire human race...we repress...justify...develop new patterns...and proceed down an artificial road...pretending that it is not...inevitably...things get really fucked up...usually not as fucked up as in hitler's case...non-the-less...really fucked up...indeed...it takes a warrior to look at himself...and make the right conclusions...love reveals all...luv stu

what is going on june 26 2010

the inability to accept ourselves goes to a pretty fucked up place...example...hitler was probably gay...and his overcompensation lead to some really fucked up shit...point...be a warrior...accept yourself for who you are...(opposed to developing some sort of alternative behavior)...learn to live with yourself...learn to love yourself...luv stu

where the wild things are march 20 2010

we somehow expect others to make our lives better...we never say this...in fact...most would deny it at gun point...but it is true...it is also commonly referd to as idolatry...love is to be first...then allow life and people to find their own place...live love...luv stu

control august 21 2010

we have no control...just the illusion of control...even if we could...we would never know what we were controlling...not enough information , my little puppy-cats...we just know what stimulates us...not a fucking clue where it would lead us...best thing to do...control our hearts...focus upon love and nothing else...let it carry us to our true destination...luv stu

salvage august 14 2010

what is there to salvage when a relationship is over??? we salvage the memories...we salvage the beauty of forgiveness...we salvage the lessons learned...what happened cannot be changed...but we can respond to the situation...anyway we so choose...luv stu

homophobia

here is the shit...about 10% of this universe is gay...another 10% is completely straight...80% are fucking around somewhere in between...and guess where you find all the ones up tight and paranoid about homosexualty??? yup...of course they all hide behind the bible or whatever...but the truth is simply...if you cant accept something within your self...others will pay dearly for it...luv stu

Aug 20

australia part 4

bible college graduation...do you know what happens when you tell a guy that he cant have sex...masturbate...drink...smoke...or whatever...for two years??? (not that it stopped me)...i will tell you what happens...he goes downtown...gets drunk right in front of the bible college faculty...takes off his clothes and goes skinny dipping...has a great fucking time...luv stu

australia part 3

do you really want to know what i loved about australia??? meat pies...i would come home from work 3 or 4 in the morning...and wait until 6...when the meat pie shop opened...fucking fresh as the universe at the time of creating...if you ever go to australia...dont forget to eat a meat pie...my favorite...steak and bacon...luv stu

Aug 18

australia part 2

what i didnt like about australia...were all the times teachers stood up in front of the class and told everyone that i was a big fucking asshole...i mean...they didnt use the word "fucking"...because that would be unchristian...non-the-less...they got their point across...luv stu

australia part 1

my friend and myself are drinking non-alcoholic wine (long story)...anyway...we finish the third bottle and the first is full again...just like jesus and his disciples...at the time i thought i was imagining things...not any more...luv stu

what i was told by gabriel part 4

material possessions...for the most part...are from this world...therefore...not exactly real...not bad in themselves...they can confuse the matter...possessions are best when they help perpetuate the kingdom of god...that is...utilized to build relationships...live luv

Aug 11

Aug 9

selah part 21

now how does one conclude this adventure??? how about this...two weeks ago...at a buddies place...gabriel was obviously fucking around...(time does not really exist...he gets off on telling me things that are going to be said before they are actually said)...i couldnt help notice that the atmosphere was just a tad strange...angels were there...a lot of them...anyway... i go in the kitchen for some reason or another...and there before me...was...i wont tell you who...just let me say this however...it was jesus...luv stu

selah part 20

now what the fuck is selah??? in the 70"s and onward...yours truly found a plethora of kids essentially...well...steeped in the bothersome task of being more sensitive and more intelligent than the rest of the human race...faces came and went...love was tried and tried again...the seed grew into a very unique and beautiful plant...the whole world hated me for not fitting into the system...the fuckers...god bless their hearts...did every fucking thing they could...short of tar and feathering me...to get me out of town...broken and hardly alive...with my dick in one hand and beer in the other...i simply did not go away...nor did the people that really loved me and loved love as well...essentially , dear friends...this is selah...luv stu

Aug 6

selah part 19

in the tub again...someone is there again...i fucking know it...but still cant see anyone...it was the third night...october 2008...he walks in the room...not man...not god...somewhere in the middle...he smiles...he introduces himself..."my name is gabreil"...and behind him...yup...you guessed it...micheal...we talk...we begin our relationship...it will evolve into something unbelievable...so many things to learn...you know...i have only rented...(when by myself)...one movie since this dynamic entered my life...too fucking amazing to let go...the only question...why me??? luv stu

selah part 18

before i tell you what you probably already know...(if you have been following)...let us talk of a halloween party...first part of the zero decade...costume party , it was...and i went as a nude model...you know...naked...and from that day forward i would wear no clothes at selah...i mean besides when i was preaching...and how did this effect the dynamic of the group , you ask...by this time...our church had become a family...still some "weeding out" to do...but a family non-the -less...organic relationship is real...church is institutionalized relationship...that is...various forms of rituals that help one avoid the truth of what is really going on...luv stu

Aug 5

selah part 17

my community sent me on a vacation...(two years ago in two weeks time)...stayed in the woods...went for hikes...drank in the bath tub...cried over a relationship that had fallen on hard times...but something was different...strange...there i was in the tub...listening to either the cooper brothers or the beatles...abby road...fuck...somebody was there...i couldnt see him...but he brought a present...joy unspeakable...when my best friends wife died...i went to another friends house that night so we could cry...drink...and such...on the way to his car...i accenintally threw my sweater down the garbage shoot...so screwed up that i thought it was the garbage...when i got to the car ,however...there it was in the back seat...had a hunch...the guy by my tub...the same guy who put my sweat there...but this time...he wanted to give me more than a sweater...intimacy...luv stu

selah part 16

sometimes when you run away from something...you run right into what you were running away from...fuck...probably most of the time...due to circumstances too painful to relate...i just wasnt capable...of giving kids the time and love they need...there are very few important lessons to learn from life...just lessons of love...and how to appreciate good music...rising to the occasion...is one of those lessons in love...two beautiful little girls...now that there mother was gone...needed mr. stu to become uncle stu...sometimes the hardest things in life...are also the most rewarding...i just hope i did a good fucking job...luv stu

selah part 15

i walk into the bank...someone in front of me says to someone behind me..."how ya doing???" the reply...not too well...one of my best friends just died"...then he says the name...i know him...his brother was a good friend of mine as a child...but there is more to it than that...i feel something...this is no coincidence...next day...i see his brother for the first time in years...walking around in a grocery store...in some kind of state of shock...over the next three months...three people i love dearly all die prematurely...one of which...my best friends wife...luv stu

Aug 2

selah part 14

in a two year period...i was attacked approximately 200 times in the night and or early morning by demonic forces...i identified 6 to 9 uniquely different spiritual entities...at first...it was a clusterfuck...they held me down...i was helpless... i could barely say the name..."jesus"....and i would somehow be set free from their grasp...by the end...the roles were reversed...i could do push ups with the fucking creatures on my back...i could describe this shit until the "cows come home"...but i wont...suddenly...it was gone...within days , however...it would be replaced by something far worse...death...luv stu