dr. goose...issue # 85

timmy : dr. goose , why does my toaster always break down ???

dr. goose : a toaster is a metaphor for life , timmy

dr; goose : and toast represents our quest for things that are shit

dr. goose : peanut butter represents how we cover everything with strong delusions

dr. goose : toasters keep on breaking down like relationships

dr. goose : i never plug mine in , timmy

timmy : that's just terrible , dr . goose

dr. goose : stick your penis inside one and i'll show you terrible 

adventures in utopia july 28 2012

it is easy to aspire in the direction of love...it is easy to give when we believe we are being given to in return...yet the nature of love is that it demands personal sacrifice...a commitment onto its very nature no matter what the circumstances may be...fact of the matter is...in the midst of love...all hell may break out...yet , when all is said and done...the fight of love..."is a good fight"...not because it goes in our direction...not because our needs are being met...but love...even with bitterness and resent in return...is the gateway into another dimension...one we must walk into if we are to be truly human and alive .      

the tree

somewhere in africa
there was tree
that , apparently
was inhabited by an evil spirit
tractors , bulldozers , you name it
attempted to remove this tree
yet it would not budge
eventually
a witch dr. was paid to break 
the spell 
and he did
rather successfully , i might add
and the next day
a man and his shovel
pulled the tree out by its roots
and all was fine

forest gump

so i am talking to a friend of mine
about one of my all time favorite movies
forest gump

get home
turn on the t.v.
there he is
forest gump

a few days later
meditating on the significance of this
look out the window
and a solitary white feather
floats by

everything has meaning

steak sauce

i now know why
my marriage
went to shit

wrong steak sauce

the universe

maybe the universe just began
ten seconds ago
and everything was
implanted
into your brain

now , if this is true
there is a good side
and a bad side to this

most obvious
you don't have to feel so guilty
about screwing your cousin 

in the 1960's

in the 1960's
being left handed was considered
anti-social
and masturbation
even worse
so you can just imagine
what they thoiught of
a left handed masturbator

the cat of insanity

the cat of insanity walks down the ally of cosmic awareness...and begins to lick his testicles...of paranoid delusions .

winter is over...

a common belief

a common belief held by the human race...generally speaking...is that if someone bitches the loudest and longest...that means they must be innocent victims in that particular situation...the truth however...is found in the opposite direction...truth needs no defense...therefore...more often than not...the greater the truth...the less violence and anger there will be in association with its owner...that is to say...truth is as big and as powerful as the universe...it has no insecurities...and doesn't actually give a fuck weather or not it is embraced...it simply is...and cannot be knocked down under any circumstances .

afraid of what ???

people have learned how to be afraid...it is not difficult...what they have not learned , however...is what to be afraid of...sadly...what we should be afraid of...is usually not what we have been told...we have been programed...and we live by that program...sort of like most other primates...the only difference is...we pretend to know better...we do not...point...find your spirituality...it is the only thing that can lead you out of an endless cycle of making wrong decisions in this...and every other respect .

ample parking

ode to a woman whose husband screwed a prostitute

says the prostitute
to the extremely armed and dangerous wife
"before you shoot
remember
it was your stupid fucking husband
who paid for the whole damn thing"

the marriage

so he told you that he has
been married for forty years
neat
however
what he left out is that
for the last 39 of those years
the poor woman
was locked in the cellar

sure he is giving god all the glory
for a successful marriage
and technically speaking
he is right
i mean
if nothing else
he would make a good republican

religion and human sexuality part 2

are you aware that , in many historical instances...the catholic church supplied their priests with prostitutes so they would not masturbate ??? it wasn't as if they figured that they were a good idea or anything...but their need to control was so fucking immense...that this is where it took them...and you know it only got worse from there .  

a prayer to test god's intelligence

make me drunk forever , oh lord...and i will stop drinking .

religion and human sexuality part 1

the role of sex in religion is not so much to follow a guideline...as it is to be strangled by a set of rules arbitrarily presented to confine and control the human experience...in the words christ..."cursed are those who live under the law".  

the walrus of stipidity...

the walrus of stupidity...climbs into the ocean of confusion...unaware of the winds of broken dreams...and shit like that .

ralph and the answering machine

ralph called me the other day
and informed me that my
answering machine was broken
i said that i got eight
messages before his
and seven afterward
so just maybe
it was something he
screwed up instead  
he just said : "yea
so when ya gonna fix
the fucking machine???"

my fucking toast

the rabbit of peace...turns to the emu of irony...and says..."why is my fucking toast burnt???"  

"fuck this"...says the rabbit of peace

"fuck this"...says the rabbit of peace...and hops his way into another universe .

the rabbit of peace...

the rabbit of peace got his foot stuck in the trap of selfish ambition...along the riverside of despair...too bad .

an ode to rex

rex
the wonderdog
was not really named rex
and he never did
anything wonderful

in fact
he wasn't even a dog 

reason for everything

are you real ???

people have learned to be afraid...it is not difficult...what they have not learned , however...is what to be afraid of...sadly...these are two different things...we have been programed...and we live by that program...sort of like most other primates...the only difference is...we pretend to know better...we do not...point...there is a path of awareness...it can guide us and reveal the truth to us every step of the way...what we must understand , however...is that this path is not lit by fear , lust...ambition...greed...and everything else that we so desire it to be lit by..."love sees all things"...and reveals them to us in its own sweet time...all other paths will fail .

becoming a whore

you become a prostitute by wanting things that are not yours...and pursuing them at the cost of eternal truth of any sort...insignificant or brilliantly  large...the real difference between a "call girl" and the rest of us...is that they are more honest about the whole fucking deal...having unhealthy desires manifest themselves in the form of currency and such...let us face facts...there is...at the very least...a little bit of prostitute in all of us...and this is why they are so despised by society...they are honest about what the rest of us hide .

a sign posted somewhere between the moon and our little blue planet

welcome to earth...if you want to use us...it should work out fairly well for you...be our friends...you're shit out of luck...population : 7 billion .

extreme

as we pursue what we desire for ourselves...we become the exact opposite of who we are meant to be...ironic...our true identity only emerges...as we empty ourselves completely to the power of love and all that it demands from us...in other words...only as we become lost...in LOVE...are we truly found .

religion

religion is there to make god look like an idiot .

penis-saurus-rex

paradox

life is a paradox...we take and feel empty...we control...and lose control...our fallen natures lead into this dynamic...and it takes true spirituality to lead us out...in love...we give to get...we lose ourselves to find ourselves...religion is the counterfeit of this dynamic...it is there to blind and confuse us...it crucified love...and has not changed its mind on the subject...live luv

lower nature...july 18 2012

one goose says to the other..."i'll tell you why i want to go to church...it appeals to my lower nature" .

expectations june 23 2012

the essence of the expectations of most people is to have another fulfill their needs...of course , this is not a very good idea for many reasons...the most obvious being that humans are just that...human...and are limited in what they can do in regards to leading another into fulfillment...or , in other words...it all begins and ends with god...becoming complete in that relationship...allows other relationships to play a secondary part...a more realistic part...in bringing growth and wholeness into the human condition...the blue print is simple...god... being our prime motivator in  LIFE AND LOVE...allows everything else to fall into perspective...and , as a result...we  no longer  count on humans for fulfillment...instead...the divine love that is imparted to us...beautify s our perspective...allowing what we have with each other...to have new meaning and truth .  

avoiding reality with useless shit...

the killer bees

my tennis partner and myself
call ourselves
the killer bees
i am bee wonderful
he is bee fantastic
we dress up like bees
are taken to the court by
our manager
the grand bee of tennis
scream  a few obscenities
at the audience
then we play

it really adds a lot of flavor
to the game
and if we lose
we take our raquets
and beat the shit out of our opponents

the journey

where the journey will take you depends upon the state of your heart...if love is your decision...then love will be the current that carries you...for example...my father lived in violence all his life...he idolized guns as a way of protection...and my father died by a gun...his own .

dynamics :

1-you are
2-give it all up to love
3-follow its leading...it will be obvious...and the insanity on your path will not be as real as it seems...that is to say...loves path does not aspire toward the cognitive mind...it aspires toward eternity...something we cannot comprehend 
4-trust
5-arrive very slowly...the path of love takes a long time to truly manifest

all that you are...will be reflected in all that is around you 

the score

every couple should keep a score card...how often she gets her way...how often he gets his way...thing is...on just about every card...it would be somewhere between 95 and 100 to between zero and five...you know...sometimes the woman winning...sometimes the man...that is not the point...the point is...there are two types of people in this world...the ones that dominate...and the ones that are dominated...as for those lovely well balanced people...they just don't contain enough individuals to have a say in the congress of the heart . 

"piss"... the motion picture

i have this idea for a movie...society discovers that piss is a cure for multiple diseases...(if applied properly)...anyway...the government cannot find a way to tax piss...so they get quite upset...or , in other words...pissed off...anyway...as people get better and better..the authorities get bitterer and bitterer...what will happen ??? are there super hero's involved ??? baby ducks maybe???  will aliens come down from outer space and liberate us from our piss??? coming to a theater near you..."piss"...the motion picture .  

dr. goose...issue # 90

timmy : dr. goose...have you ever had a one night
            stand ???

dr. goose : i did once , timmy...but it didn't count

dr. goose : you see , three years later i got engaged
     to her best friend...and she screwed like an empty
     tin of rat poison

dr. goose : in the grand scheme of things...it all evens
                out

dr. goose : i don't make the rules

dr. goose : i just abide by how god created this
                 amazing universe

timmy : that's just terrible , dr. goose

dr. goose : terrible is when god forgets to do his
                math , timmy     

crucifiction exposed...july 7 2012

we deal with our issues...but usually not well
dynamics :

1-we do something wrong
2-someone must pay
3-an action is pondered
4-we find another similar flaw to the one we just acted upon     
5-we judge in others what we are...and attack 
6-our self righteousness allows us to bury it within ourselves
7-we gather others around us to agree

hence , we have a human sacrifice on our hands
there is a fine line between love and hate :

1-a wrong action
2-someone must pay
3-give this passion away...love takes the place of justification and violence 
4-give to others...instead of take
5-freedom...as we let go...we heal 

live love 

making love out of nothng at all , part 2...june 30 2012

our  : words / thoughts / decisions / actions...come together and form a beast or a beauty...the beast is hidden by various means and methods...the beauty is like a baby lizard running on the beach...attempting to avoid its predator...make no mistake...love is not favored in our society...and those who follow its inclinations...are sent into this world as "sheep upon wolves"...love is meant with : pain / resistance and slander...love is also punching a hole into another universe...your fist is gonna fucking hurt...yet that other universe is the kingdom of god...and within there is indeed...a wonderful harvest .

apology

one goose says to the other..."you know that girl with the house i burned down...she finally apologized"

the trail feb 25 2009

one slug says to another..."do you know what i hate??? slugs that leave a trail of shit behind them!!!" feb. 25 2009

i did not write this :

"never argue with an idiot...they will bring you down to their level...and beat you with experience".

greenhouse blessing

i have an idea for a movie...it is about these idiots who completely trash their planet...you know...pollute the air...water...everything...the result...global warming...but here is the catch...what they did not realize was...their planet was due for an ice age...and it was their idiotic ,  narcissistic behavior that saved their asses...not sure how it is going to end though .

two religions

if some religious fellow approaches you on the street about their religion...just ask them..."is your religion a masturbating or non-masturbating religion???"

organized religion

organized religion is an overcompensation for a disorganized heart .

the chamber maid...jan. 2011

cuba...just a few days ago...more or less...i met this chamber maid...sweet...kind...loving...i simply could not resist...she was what i always wanted...we went to my room...there was warmth , passion...a complete infinity and understanding within  the  hearts and souls of each other...we took off our clothes...we touched and embraced...suddenly the words leave her lips...words that took me by surprise...words that i did not expect...words that flowed up an down my spine as clearly as the cuban run cradled in my left hand..."30 dollars"...holy crap...i jump off the bed...i put on my clothes...and i went straight to the bar.

the successful radical

the successful radical does not say anything radical...(as he does not want to get fucked up the ass)...instead...he takes the concepts and the ideas of the existing paradigm and presents them in a way that is one degree to the left or right of what has already been stated...roughly translated...the successful radical...tickles the tits and balls of a well represented element in society enough to get them to believe that they are trail blazers and , more or less...smarter than those dumb fuckers down the street...point being...it is the fraud that finds himself or herself to be successful in society in the short run .

fundamentalist preacher "spills beans"

geese and oral sex...july 10 2012

one goose says to the other..." i' ll tell you why i like sucking dick...it's in the bible...it says...'it is not what you put in your mouth that makes you unclean'".

candy...from the album / "short stories"

candy was my best friend
when i was 12 years old
her ears hung to the floor
her nose was black as coal
i would take candy for a walk
just about every night
the bad guys all kept away
'cause candy she would bite

two in the  morning
i would take her to the park
she would look at me as if to say
"it's too fucking late" then bark
candy ate my fishing gear
candy got a spank
candy ate my gold fish
she broke the fucking tank

i was 18 years old
listening to elton's "little jeannie"
i came up the front stairs
and my mother said to me
"there was nothing we could fucking do
just ask your step dad it's fucking true
the veterinarian he really tried"
i just turned away and cried

candy was my best friend
when i was just a boy
a dogs love is unconditional
guess that's why there is so much joy

does this remind you of somebody ???

a lesson in mind fucking...spoil someone rotten...give...buy...whatever it takes...then treat them like shit until they finally break...(everyone has their tipping point)...and when they proceed  to be violent back to you...remind them of how wonderful and generous you were...and how they...(the ignorant prick)...have no gratitude what-so-ever...it will work four out of five times...you know , people being people and all...or...in other words...the average human being has very little self respect...and even when the little self respect they have rears its "ugly head"... it is no match for a true , unadulterated wolf in sheep clothing .

making love out of nothing at all...june 30 2012

do you not find it interesting that the universe was , as far as we know...created out of nothing??? and do you not find it interesting that when you love someone...it too is like an entire universe...though , once again , it was created out of nothing at all ??? i propose to you this...there is little if no difference between these two concepts...it just seems that way because billions are spent attempting  to understand the universe...and love...though it could quite possibly be everything...more or less...is reduced to nothing...at least in terms of importance down on this planet .

a world without lies

there i was playing pool with this particular individual...and he pointed out to me how civilized the people at the next table were...you know...the polite thing and all...now , i didn't say anything...but what i was thinking was...what in the fuck do you expect...that they  take their sticks and start beating the crap out of each other ??? point...even the wicked are aware that in order to get ahead in life...there are certain protocols that have to be subscribed to...that is to say...not every civilized well thought of individual is not a complete blood-sucker...and , conversely...just because someone does not know how to play the game...is no indication of their rottenness...in fact...usually the opposite is true...the "pure at heart"...because of who and what they are inside...have no point of reference to successfully learn the niceties of our land...their behavior is real...and , therefore...somewhat flawed...i mean...lets face it...bull shit is what makes the world go round...and if it were ever taken from the equation...our land would be in ruin .

ode to a turtle...from the album / "short stories"

i bought me a turtle
but you made turtle soup
you returned him to his bowl
you crapped out turtle poop
i bought me another turtle
but you ate him for dinner
i keep on looking at the bowl
but there ain't no turtle in there

chorus :

if i'm so full of shit
why do you always grab my ass
if you didn't eat my turtle
why do you fart out turtle gas
my turtle was not abducted
by those fucking aliens
why did you eat my turtle
and eat him once again

i remember just last year
when i bought me a turtle
he was more than life to me
i would have given him my world
i thought he might be god
the way the truth the light
you ate my fucking turtle
you didn't give me a bite

ug...from the album / "short stories"

ug he was a caveman
who wanted to get with chicks
he was soft kind and gentle
he knew some magic tricks
he found his inner child
he even watched dr. phil-do
but all the girls ignored him
they thought he was a dil-do

ug's club wasn't big enough
what about those dinosaurs
ug's dick wasn't long enough
said all those little whores
while ug was busy saying grace
all those pricks would take his place
ug was into tenderness
and that made ug an idiot i guess

a million years have come and gone
ug was eaten by a tyrannosaurus
a boy named doug in his family line
grew up to be a florist
he was good soft and gentle
he was loving just like christ
but when all the boys were out getting tail
he was home watching miami vice

doug's bank account wasn't big enough
"what about my home in southern france???"
doug's car was ten years old
"he will never get in my pants"
doug was a kind and giving man
but his dick stayed in his own hand
doug was into tenderness
and that made him an idiot i guess   

another day another typical person

this young fellow confessed to me that he is gay...i listen...reassure him...give him understanding and comfort...and he despised me from that day forward...thinking , i believe...that if he could kill me...that would kill the part of himself that he was at war with...there ain't no neutral ground...those who love themselves will love others...those who despise themselves...will despise others...POINT : if someone is not actively working upon there spiritual development...that means they are not...which will , inevitably , make them violent in one way or another .

milking the bull...

perception

...so this (wonderful) lady calls me on  the phone to tell me that my money is going to be late...funny thing is...i didn't give a fuck about the money being a few days late...but it bothered the crap out of me that i was woken up...point...we have it all conceived in our minds how the universe is supposed to play out...what bothers another...what does not...fuck man , the emotional make-up of the universe and everyone therein is like a map...with no map...point being...it is all too big to figure out...every situation has a million dynamics...miss one...and your perception of what is going on could be blown to rat shit...and the truly intelligent human...is the one who is aware of this and takes it into consideration in all circumstances .

the cleanest dirty old man in the world...from the album / "short stories"

i went swimming the other day
because i had an extra hour
took off my clothes in the locker room
first you got to have a shower
and there he was like the day before
and the day before that
this fucking old pervert staring at me
like a psychotic killer rat

chorus :

he's the cleanest dirty old man in the world
getting cleaner every minute
i used to like having a shower
but not when that old fucker is in it
every time he washes his balls
i wanna throw up all over the place
i would like to take my bar of soap
and stick it right into his face

chorus :

drowning a man is against the law
at least it is around here
and i don't know the law about soap
and cleaning yourself down there
so i went to the local priest
and together we made a decision
we put holy water in the tank
and performed an exorcism

chorus :

bigfoot does not exist

they tell you bigfoot does not exist
what they don't tell you is
only 4 % of the life forms
on this planet have been successfully mapped
what they don't tell you
is it took up until the last century
to figure out that gorillas do exist
and that , furthermore
 new species are being discovered
all the fucking time

something doesn't exist all right
it's called humility

stupidly dumb

i watched this movie tuesday night...a "hold up" type movie...anyway...i could not help but notice that...over the issue of money...the robbers had a somewhat violent-almost fatal- conflict in their ranks...and for no fucking reason what-so-ever...it was resolved and plans continued on "business as usual"...now , maybe it's just me...but i find it kinda strange that frontal nudity would get an "r" rating...(which is about as natural as you can get)...and teaching kids that people can fuck each other anyway they so desire and there are no real consequences...would be rated "p.g"...or whatever...yea , i am aware that people , for the most part...are incapable of abstract thought and can't see beyond what is beaten over their heads...but that is not my point...nor is rating this fucking movie "r"...(it should have been rated "s"...for stupid)...my point is...our perception of shit...almost all shit...is simply wrong...and , believe it or not...wrong beliefs...will lead to a wrong place...no matter how much we attempt to convince ourselves we are immune to such consequences .