hard to believe...9715 people were decapitated right on that point of land over there...that's why the fish are so well fed .

COMING AROUND AGAIN...

THERE ARE MANY REASONS WHY REINCARNATION-IN ITS CLASSIC FORM-MAKES NO OR VERY LITTLE SENSE...( YOU KNOW , BESIDES THE FACT THAT THE GUYS WHO CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT SAW IT AS A CURSE...AND IT TOOK WESTERN ARROGANCE TO REFOCUS IT AS SOMETHING REALLY NEAT...SORT OF LIKE HAVING YOUR DICK BITTEN OFF BY A CROCODILE...MAYBE THE GUY WATCHING FINDS IT NEAT-O...BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE POOR FUCKER WITH HIS BALLS IN THE LIZARD'S MOUTH ).

REASON  #  ONE...THE WHOLE SHIT FEST IS CENTERED AROUND LEARNING MORE AS A...WHATEVER...THEN BEING REINCARNATED AS A HIGHER SPECIES...NOW LET ME ASK YOU THIS...WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SMART AND A STUPID HAIR LICE ??? NOT A FUCKING THING , BABY...GUESS THAT MEANS YOU WILL BE STUCK BEING A HAIR LICE FOREVER...GET MY DRIFT ???

REASON # TWO...DID YOU WONDER WHY DOGS EVOLVE EMOTIONALLY AND PEOPLE DON'T ??? LETS FACE IT...A BOTTLE OF RUM AND A SLIGHT OPPORTUNITY AND UG...OR...AS HE CALLS HIMSELF NOW...MR. JONES...WILL FUCK YOU UP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...AND THAT'S AFTER HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF YEARS OF TRYING TO " GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER " .

REASON # THREE...IT IS SUNNY OUT AND TIME FOR SOME EXERCISE...GOTTA GO...HAVE A GREAT DAY...LUV STU  

addiction to self righteousness...april 12 2014

THE WAY TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF IS NOT TO GET SOME SHIT ON SOMEONE ELSE THEN SIT AROUND THE TABLE WITH YOUR BUDDIES AND SAY HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT THEM .

YOU WILL NOT LOVE ANYONE ELSE MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF...BE NAKED...VULNERABLE...EXPOSED AND REAL...ADD HUMILITY AND CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS CAREFULLY...IT IS A PARADOX...LOVE NOT ONLY  LEADS YOU BACK TO YOURSELF...LOVE ALSO CHANGES THAT SELF .

REINCARNATION

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO BELIEVE WE ARE REINCARNATED SO WE CAN COME BACK AND LEARN MORE SHIT...REMEMBER...PLANTS LEARN NOTHING...AND PEOPLE LEARN EVEN LESS .

flarmology

one of the best moments for FLARMS MUSIC REVIEW ??? this "born again christian" advertised with us for about five years...and do you know why he advertised with us for five years ??? he couldn't understand the english language...roughly translated...he had no fucking idea what i was talking about *...you should have seen the look on his face  when he discovered the true  identity of such characters as...well...any of them , actually...i never laughed so hard in my life .

* just for the record...i would have told him if i had known...sometimes ignorance is a beautiful thing .

perfect world

JUST A THOUGHT...KINDA MAKING SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT MORE SIMPLISTIC THAN IT OUGHT  TO BE...BUT...( HERE IT COMES )...HOW IS OUR LOVE OWNED ??? HOW IS IT PROVEN ??? WHAT MAKES IT PRECIOUS ??? IF WE DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT OUR FUCKING ASSES OFF TO MAKE IT INTERTWINED WITH WHO AND WHAT WE REALLY ARE ???

I COULD BE WRONG...WHO THE FUCK KNOWS ???

NOTHING REAL IS IN THE STATE OF DECOMPOSITION...DECOMPOSITION IMPLIES THAT THERE IS AN ILLUSION THAT IS EITHER SLOWLY OR QUICKLY FALLING APART...HENCE...I REFER TO THIS UNIVERSE...AS "THE SHIT UNIVERSE" .

IN A HALF DECENT UNIVERSE...WHAT IS REAL...REMAINS SUCH...FOREVER . 

what have we overlooked ???

SOMETIMES IN LIFE WE SPIT OUT CLICHES SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS A REASONABLY EASY TO DO SO...SOMETIMES CLICHES BECOME CLICHES...BECAUSE THEY ARE SO FRIGGING TRUE...example : " YOU CAN'T LOVE ANYONE ANYMORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF"...something to meditate upon .  

PIGGY-BACK

EVERY BEAUTIFUL THING HAS SOMETHING DARK AND DISTURBING TAKING A PIGGY-BACK RIDE UPON IT...LOVE HAS RELIGION...UNFORTUNATELY...RELIGION HAS BROKEN LOVES BACK...AND LOVE AWAITS FOR SOME RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY . 

CHESS...APRIL 19 2014

A HUMAN MOSTLY CONDUCTS THEIR LIFE LIKE IT IS A GAME OF CHECKERS...THAT IS...LUSTFULLY RESPOND TO THE NEUROTIC NEED...AND MOVE FOR IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION...TAKING THE  "MOMENT BY STORM"...AND FORGETTING ABOUT THE FUTURE .

GOD SEES EVERYTHING...ROUGHLY TRANSLATED...HE IS ABOUT AWARE OF YOUR APPROPRIATE DESTINATION...AS YOU ARE UNAWARE OF YOUR APPROPRIATE DESTINATION .

LOVE SEES THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IN LESS THAN A MOMENT OF TIME...AND RESPONDS TO THIS LIKE IT IS AN INFINITE GAME OF CHESS...TRILLIONS OF MOVES BEING MADE AT ONCE...AND THIS , OF COURSE...IS IN GREAT  OPPOSITION TO OUR INFINITE BLINDNESS .

PEOPLE FUCKING AROUND...WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN ???

HOW LONG HAVE PEOPLE BEEN...WELL...YOU KNOW...ON PLANET EARTH ??? TENS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS , RIGHT ??? O.K...GOOD...NOW HERE'S THE SHIT...FOR ALL WE KNOW...THE LAWS OF THIS UNIVERSE  THAT WE ARE SUBJECT TO...COULD CHANGE EVERY MILLION YEARS OR SO...( MAYBE SOONER )... WE DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE...MY PENIS CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE INSIDE  MADONNA'S PRIVATE PARTS...WE-AND MY DICK- ARE SIMPLY TOO NEW TO THIS CRAP-FEST TO UNDERSTAND ANY FUCKING THING AT ALL...SO HERE IS MY POINT...TREAD LIGHTLY , MY FELLOW RADIO-ACTIVE IMPS...FUCK KNOWS WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON...GET ME ???

what does it mean to be a nudest ???

hummmmmm !!! good question...as far as i can figure out...if you are a "pentecostal"...it means you are gay...if you are a "baptist"...it means you are an adulterer...and if you are a member of "the united church of canada"...it means you are studying for your masters in theology .

DO TROLLS EXIST ???

THERE ARE BASICALLY TWO SCHOOLS ON THIS FRONT...THE FIRST ONES SAYS..." YUP...SURE DO...SOME PLACES...YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE A PISS WITHOUT HITTING ONE IN THE EYE "...INTERESTING EH ??? THE SECOND SCHOOL SAYS..." ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY ??? PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN SUCH THINGS ARE EITHER ATTENTION SEEKERS...IDIOTS...OR ,  MORE COMMONLY...BOTH ".  

HERE IS THE SHIT THE WAY I SEE IT...SCIENCE WILL TELL US THAT THERE IS EITHER ONE OF SOMETHING OR AN INFINITE NUMBER OF SOMETHING...NOW , AS FAR AS I CAN FIGURE OUT...THERE ARE MANY PARALLEL UNIVERSES THAT CORRESPOND WITH OURS ( WHICH I REFER TO AS THE "SHIT UNIVERSE" )...SO IT SEEMS VERY LIKELY THAT " GOD KNOWS WHAT " WOULD BE MAKING INROADS ONTO PLANET EARTH FOR ONE FUCKED REASON OR ANOTHER...( BEING BOARD , SEX , FUCKING US AROUND IN THE HEAD , ETC . )

AND WHAT IS MY POINT ??? MY POINT IS... "YES , VAGINIA , WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS REAL"...IT MAY BE LYING TO YOU CONCERNING WHAT IT IS...MAYBE YOU ARE PROJECTING YOUR OWN SHIT UPON IT...MAYBE A WHOLE LOT OF STUFF...BUT IF THERE IS LESS THAN A DOZEN SPIRITUAL DIMENSIONS BEING REPRESENTED DOWN HERE...I WOULD BE A BIT SURPRISED . 

THIS ONLY MAKES SENSE IF U R A NEIL YOUNG FAN...

THIS KID HAS HIS 20 TH BIRTHDAY...HIS MOTHER WALKS INTO HIS BEDROOM AND SCREAMS AT HIM : "  YOU CAN'T BE 20 ON SUGAR MOUNTAIN "...HE IS NOW AWAKE .

ultimate parking

it was...probably 1967 or eight...this fellow...a major drug addict...parked his car right smack dab in the middle of my front lawn...(you know...like if the lawn were an ass...he would have gotten it right in the hole)...THING IS...it was one of the few times in my life that i remember my father smiling...funny how people respond to various stimulus...(maybe we should have paid the entire neighborhood to park there) . 

we are all waiting for something...

1 %

ONE OF THE GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF THE HUMAN SPECIES...IS TO MAKE CONCLUSIONS WITH APPROXIMATELY 1 % OF THE INFORMATION REGARDING THE SUBJECT AT OUR DISPOSAL...THE WAY THIS IS DONE...IS QUITE SIMPLE , ACTUALLY... YOU JUST DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHETHER OR NOT THE INFORMATION OR THE CONCLUSION IS CORRECT...TECHNICALLY...SOME PEOPLE REFER TO THIS WAY OF DOING THINGS AS..."PULLING SOMETHING OUT OF OUR ASS"...THE BENEFITS OF SUCH A METHOD...IT IS A REAL TIME SAVER...AND YOU HARDLY HAVE TO THINK AT ALL .

NOTHING...

THE BEST THING TO DO...IN JUST ABOUT EVERY SITUATION...IS , IN FACT...THE LAST THING MOST PEOPLE WOULD EVER THINK OF DOING...IT IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT EITHER...VERY SIMPLE...MOST PEOPLE REFER TO IT...(" IT " BEING...JUST ABOUT THE RAREST OF ALL BEHAVIORS )...NOTHING...SIMPLE , EH ??? SWEET FUCK ALL...ZERO...JUST STICK YOUR THUMB UP YOUR ASS AND WATCH THE VIRTUALLY ALWAYS BRILLIANT WAY THAT LIFE UNFOLDS...IT IS ASTOUNDING TO SEE JUST HOW ETERNITY EBBS AND FLOWS IN THE MIDST OF US TAKING OUR GREASY LITTLE HANDS OFF OF THE SITUATION...JUST  TRY IT !!!

willie nelson...red headed stranger

widely considered to be one of the greatest country albums ever recorded...when willie gave it over to the record company...they thought it was a " demo "...THEY WERE WRONG !!!

three breasted lady...

do you see a three breasted lady as weird ??? or one better ???

FRIENDS...

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS...SHIT ON THEIR FUCKING FACES !!!

1492

IN 1492...COLUMBUS SAILED THE OCEAN BLUE...SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WAS ATTEMPTING TO ESCAPE FROM HIMSELF...AND THE ENTIRE FUCKING JOURNEY BECAME A METAPHOR...FOR SOMETHING A WHOLE LOT BIGGER...JUST LIKE MOST HUMAN ACTIVITIES .

AND THAT'S YOUR HISTORY LESSON FOR TODAY .

corning wear blues...

it was july 1969...i remember #@&% ralph devilen dr....my mother doing the dishes...( i was only seven...fuck dishes...let's throw water balloons at the mentally challenged kid  down the street )...my mother had nice dishes...corning wear...the mother fucking mercedes of dishes...the envy of ever house wife that side of the 21 st century...the ladies would rub their privates even at the sight of those fucking dishes...and you didn't see a lot of that back in 1969...
ANYWAY...the year is 2013...i walk by my childhood house having just bought the new " perl jam " c.d...a masterpiece...if i do say so myself...fresh and vital but still being built upon the foundation of what made them possibly the best band of the last 20 years...ANYWAY...as i walk by my old house...this lady suddenly opens the door and casually meanders outside into the glowing , virgin afternoon...and do you know what she is carrying ??? MOTHER FUCKING CORNING WEAR...DO THE ODDS , MR.  JONES...bitching , man...CORN-ING-WEAR !!! 

if you think things are fucked up down here...

IF YOU THINK THINGS ARE FUCKED UP DOWN HERE...TRY " ZETA 7 - B 14 " .

another country song :

another country song : " drop dead means i love ya so baby won't you drop dead and die "

GOD IS IN THE DARKNESS

GOD IS IN THE DARKNESS...HE REVEALS HIMSELF BY THE DARKNESS DRAGGING EVERYTHING INTO NOTHINGNESS...FOLDING IN ON ITSELF AND CREATING AN EMPTY BASKET OF FRUIT...THERE IS NO BEAUTY...THERE IS NO HEALING...NO GATHERING TOGETHER AS ONE KINDRED , ETERNAL SPIRIT...THE DARKNESS FUCKING WELL SUCKS...AND THAT SHOULD LEAD US ALL TO A VERY IMPORTANT TRUTH...IF IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT...AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT...AND IT FEELS LIKE SHIT...IT PROBABLY IS SHIT .

GO FIGURE .

HISTORY LESSON

EVER SINCE 1492...WE HAVE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO BUILD A SOCIETY INCAPABLE OF ABSTRACT THOUGHT...NOW WE FINALLY ACHIEVED IT !!!

ANOTHER THING ABOUT 1492...AS LONG AS YOUR KIDS ARE LEARNING ABOUT BOATS CROSSING BODIES OF WATER...THEY WON'T HAVE THE TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

FINALLY...DID YOU KNOW THAT DAVIE CROCKET...OR DANIAL BOONE...one of those wacko-s...CLAIMED TO HAVE SHOT AND KILLED A SASQUATCH ???

...i suck at oral sex

great name for a country song..." i suck at oral sex " .

don't choke

the religious will " cast out the spirit of ice cream"...then lie about the results...the reasonable will not keep ice cream in the fridge...( knowing full well he or she will eat it within a day )...the idiot will eat all the fucking ice cream he or she wants...then blame some innocent bystander when they get obese .

in the final analysis...all three have one thing in common...they are thankful they did not choke on the fucking stuff and die...because that's not what ice cream is all about . 

25 cent prostitute...

wrote FIRST SONG WHEN I WAS 10...ENTITLED : " THE 25 CENT PROSTITUTE "...I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD...BUT 25 CENTS COULD BUY A LOT BACK THEN .

important...

we become great at the things we perceive as important...(and that usually doesn't help our case ) .

THE HALIFAX EXPLOSION...

I DON'T BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION...( explain later )...BUT I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT PEOPLE WILL TAKE THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM THAT SUITS THEM BEST...AND RUN WITH IT LIKE IT'S A POCKET PUSSY...HERE IS MY SHIT : I KINDA , SORTA REMEMBER THE HALIFAX EXPLOSION...THOUGH IT HAPPENED BEFORE MY TIME...I DON'T KNOW...MAYBE MY GRANDFATHER TOLD ME A STORY AND IT SOME HOW GOT MUDDLED IN MY SUBCONSCIOUSNESS...MAYBE IT IS GENETICS...MAYBE IT WAS FROM A DEMON WHO WAS FUCKING AROUND MY WONDERFUL CITY WHEN IT HAPPENED...FUCK KNOWS...BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS...IN THE BIG PICTURE...WE KNOW SWEET FUCK ALL...SO BEFORE YOU GIVE YOUR POINT OF VIEW...THINK VERY CAREFULLY ABOUT SHOVING IT BACK UP YOUR ASS...GET ME ???    

P.S.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING WRONG FROM TIME TO TIME...IT IS HEALTHY , ACTUALLY .

HELL AND MASTURBATION...

STATISTICALLY SPEAKING...THERE ARE 23 .32 RELIGIONS WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO HELL IF YOU MASTURBATE...TO EVERY ONE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HELL IF YOU DON'T .

love at first sight...

maybe this universe...is nothing more than a stream...

direction of love...

before you decide to hold onto something...ask yourself the question...does it stand in the way of love...or does it help facilitate love's direction ???

forgetting things

do you know what i hate about getting old ??? forgetting things !!! and do you know what else i hate ??? forgetting things .

GIVING BLOOD

I GAVE BLOOD YESTERDAY...BUT I DECIDED TO GET IT BACK .

ODE TO A TIT ATTACK...

I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I TOUCHED A BREAST...HOW COULD I FORGET ??? SHE HAD THREE OF THEM .

#$&^* , THE IDIOT

i used to see a friend of mine...basically...as an idiot...even wrote a sermon about it once...but that was 25 years ago...has he changed ??? nope...but by god's MERCY...i have...he is no longer "the idiot"...he is a warrior who had the courage to overcome at least three or four mental illnesses...and other such hindrances while on his road .

tread lightly , my friends...and always be on the lookout for a better pair of eyes to see through .

coffee and danish time .

peter and jesus

peter gave jesus sand for his birthday...i assume...taking advantage of his forgiving nature .

25 CENT PROSTITUTE .

I WROTE MY FIRST SONG WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD...ENTITLED : " THE 25 CENT PROSTITUTE "...I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD...BUT 25 CENTS COULD BUY A LOT BACK THEN .

don't let your penis tell you what your priorities should be...or your mother , come to think about it

everyones favorite game show : THOUGHTS WHILE MASTURBATING DON'T COUNT

FISHERS OF MEN...

I SAW A BULLETIN BOARD THAT READ THAT JESUS WOULD MAKE US , AND I QUOTE : " FISHERS OF MEN "...SO I BOUGHT A FISHING ROD...DUG UP SOME WORMS...AND WENT DOWN TO THE LAKESIDE AND STARTED FISHING...THING IS...NOT ONE MAN BIT MY FUCKING LINE...SO I GOT DRUNK AND SANG SOME SONGS...MAYBE MEN ONLY SWIM AND LIVE IN SALT WATER . 

adam's apple in reverse

a real moment never begins and never ends...it is eternal...and with a small amount of humility and courage...we can take a bite of it...and see where it leads our soul .

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

I AM AGAINST CAPITAL PUNISHMENT...BUT IF A STRAY BULLET SHOULD GO UNNOTICED AND HIT SOME FUCKING TERRORIST BETWEEN THE EYES...WELL...THAT IS ANOTHER STORY .

LET MY PEOPLE GO...SEPTEMBER 1989

  

most attempt to control their own universe...to wrap it up and manipulate its destiny like a sandwich in a plastic container...to pretend that the sum total knowledge needed to make the proper decisions...is as near to your head as your fingernails... TAKE A LOOK AT A STARRY NIGHT...see how things are so far away ??? chew on that and digest it...THERE IS NO CONTROL...ONLY THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL...AND THE ONLY THINGS WE REALLY POSSESS ARE THE THINGS WE LET GO OF .


WE LOVE AS MUCH AS WE ALLOW TO BE FREE .

LOSING YOUR SHIT...

DON'T LOSE YOUR SHIT ON A PIG FARM...IT MAY BE HARD TO FIND .

WHY AND WHAT...

IT IS NOT WHAT IS SAID...IT IS WHY IT IS SAID .

an interesting prayer...

i prayed for this married couple...and a word from THE DIVINE came to me very clearly...that being...she was the man and he was the woman...and what did THE DIVINE say to me in regards to resolving this little issue ???...simple...GO WITH IT !!!

IF IT ISN'T HURTING ANYONE...WHO FUCKING CARES ???

REALITY...AGAIN

A REAL MOMENT CONSISTS OF A REAL INDIVIDUAL...geography and shoe brand name has nothing to do with it .

babies and destinations...

BABIES AND DESTINATIONS BOTH IMPREGNATE US...ONE IS USUALLY GIVEN BIRTH TO...NOT SO MUCH THE OTHER .

definition of irony...a penis choking a chicken

born of a vibrator

new book...BORN OF A VIBRATOR...coming out...GOD KNOWS WHEN .

steven strang part 1

i remember my mother and i driving my brother to his concert...it was in some semi-prestigeous  joint above THE MISTY MOON on gottigen st #. , halifax...my brother limped away from the car...not because he was injured...but because he was going to injure someone else...roughly translated...he had a gulf club up his pants and it sure as fuck wasn't there so he could go putting after the show...INDEED...someone pissed my sibling right the fuck off...and that same someone now was going to pay for it...his stupid little brain being an honorary hole in one...ANY CONCERN ??? YEA...that my mentally insane brother wouldn't get locked up for the next 20 years...no matter how much he didn't give a shit about me...NON-THE-LESS...i still loved him .


# THE TAP , i believe  

THE FUNERAL...

WHAT DO YOU  YOU HAVE TO DO GET PEOPLE TO SAY SHIT ABOUT YOU AT YOUR FUNERAL...THAT IS TO SAY...IF MY FATHER COULDN'T DO IT...THEN IT MUST BE DAMN NEAR NEXT TO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE !!!

SIMPLE BUT PROFOUND...

THE MORE YOU LOVE SOMEONE...( YOU KNOW , DONATE A KIDNEY TO THEM AND THAT SORT OF STUFF )...THE MORE IT WILL HURT WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT THAT IT WAS ALL JUST AN ELABORATE HOAX ...THAT YOU ARE LOOKING DOWN FROM A PLACE FROM ABOVE...ONLY TO SEE YOUR ASS NAILED TO SOME SOCIOPATHS LIVING ROOM WALL.

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS CAREFULLY...AND YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS...CAREFUL , CAREFULLY...AND AS FOR YOUR LOVERS...LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS UPON IT...'CAUSE IT DOES .

there is a fine line between astronaut and shithead

BEST JOB EVER...

BEST JOB EVER...A WEATHERMAN IN THE DAYS OF NOAH AND HIS ARC AND HIS CREATURES AND ALL THAT SHIT .

HARD TO FUCK UP THAT , BABY .

spanish fly

spanish fly does not arouse you...instead , it actually causes an irritation that simulates arousal...yet...in fact...could quite possibly be rather harmful...THAT IS TO SAY...some things that are poisonous...and some things that are beautiful...quite often masquerade as each other .

puppycats , it is a dark and deceitful world !!! 

rex

REX WOULD BE THE KIND OF GUY WHO IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICULT BEING THE FRIEND OF...YET...AT THE SAME TIME...VERY REWARDING...YOU KNOW...RIGHT UNTIL THE MOMENT HE RELEASED THAT FATAL FINAL BLOW .

have a great day...

NEW YEARS EVE AND A BEAUTIFUL LADY ON MUSHROOMS

I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT TIME SHE ENTERED MY HALLWAY...AND KNOCKED ON MY OLD FASHION PLATE GLASS WINDOWS...OR , POSSIBLY...RANG MY VINTAGE 1959 ( OR THERE ABOUT ) SEMI-ANNOYING , DOOR BELL THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE APPROPRIATE IF FOUND IN A JUNIOR HIGH CHEMISTRY SET...ANYWAY...THERE SHE WAS...COMPLETELY STONED ON MAGIC MUSHROOMS...AND READY TO HEAD OUT FOR ONE BIG MOTHER-FUCKING PLATE OF CHINESE COSINE...WE ENTERED THE NIGHT LIKE A WHORNIE , BI-LINGUAL PERVERT HIS DRUNKEN COUSIN .

SHE WAS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND...I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT SHE WAS DOING AT MY HOUSE , ACTUALLY...BUT SHE WAS A NICE GIRL...A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST , AND WE ALL KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND ONE OF THOSE...WE WALKED AROUND DOWNTOWN HALIFAX AS THE NEW YEARS SLOWLY CREPT UPON US LIKE LIKE A WORM UPON THE DEWY SOIL .

5...4...3...2...1...THE WORLD IS NOW ONE YEAR CLOSER TO ITS DEMISE...BUT , REALLY...IN A MILLION YEARS OR SO...WHO WILL EVER ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ???

giving blood

i gave blood today...the nurse told me that i have to drink consistently for the next 48 hours...IMPLYING THAT , IN TWO DAYS TIME...MY LIPS WILL NEVER HAVE TO TOUCH ANOTHER DROP OF LIQUID AGAIN...that seems strange...but what the fuck...who am i to question the medical profession ???

LIFE IN MANY COLORS...

THE MORE LIFE BECOMES INTENSE...(and i mean intense...not neurotic)...THE MORE UNBRIDLED THE RESPONSE TO LIFE WILL BE...for better or worse...THAT IS TO SAY...THE TRUE LOVER DEMANDS - IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER - AN AUTHENTIC RESPONSE...MEANWHILE , BACK AT THE RANCH...THE ZOMBIES MEANDER AROUND AND FIDGET WITH EACH OTHERS NUTS .

POINT : IF YOUR LIFE DOESN'T DEMAND A RESPONSE...YOU PROBABLY AREN'T LIVING IT . 

sasquatch magic...

so after my failed sasquatch hunt...i stood in front of the t.v. to illustrate to all my new found buddies how the sasquatch had alluded me all through the rugged outback mountains of northern france...BUT HERE IS THE SHIT...LITTLE DID I KNOW...THERE WAS A SASQUATCH ON THE  T .V. SCREEN ACTING THE EXACT SAME WAY DIRECTLY OVER MY LEFT SHOULDER...i wasn't quite sure what was going on at first...i thought i was just being "the village idiot"...( a role i am comfortable and fond of)...and they were just being my peanut gallery...( minus the nuts)...BUT...NOPE...THAT WASN'T THE GIG AT ALL...IT WAS SIMPLY SASQUATCH MAGIC , MY FRIENDS...EVEN IF THERE WAS NO REAL SASQUATCH TO BE FOUND .  

NOAH , PART 2

THE YEAR IS 2100...GOD SUDDENLY IS IN THE MOOD FOR ANOTHER FLOOD...BUT THIS TIME NOAH IS CALLED TO GATHER ONLY PUPPIES...TWO RETRIEVERS...TWO POODLES...TWO...BURMESE MOUNTAIN DOGS...ETC...AS FOR ALL THE OTHER CREATURES...THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES..."NOAH 2"...COMING THIS SUMMER TO A THEATER NEAR YOU .

far , far away...

on an ultra conservative planet , far , far away...repressed homosexual feelings are harvested and generate all the needed energy to run the place .

THAT DOG HAS A FLUFFY TAIL...

NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE CHOPPING OFF A PUPPY'S TAIL JUST BECAUSE IT MAY LOOK A LITTLE CUTER...ASK YOURSELF THE QUESTION : WHO IS GOING TO WIN THE STANLY CUP ??? NO , SERIOUSLY...SHIT LIKE THAT MAY BE THE REASON WHY ALIENS DECIDE TO FRY OUR FUCKING ASSES...AND BESIDES...ALLOWING YOURSELF THE PRIVILEGED OF A PARTICULAR BEHAVIOR JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HURT YOU...IS A SIGN OF NARCISSISM...NOT LOVE...POINT BEING : SOMETIMES PRETTY...IS UGLY .  

gocking...

WHAT I HATE IS WHEN YOU WALK INTO A PUBLIC WASHROOM AND SOME FUCKER LOOKS OVER HIS RIGHT SHOULDER AND GIVES YOU A WEIRD LOOK...( LEFT SHOULDER WILL DO , TOO , OF COURSE )...ANYWAY...HE IS GIVING YOU THIS WEIRD LOOK BECAUSE HE IS , FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER...CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE HIM A WEIRD LOOK...WHICH...OF COURSE...INEVITABLY HAPPENS...AFTER HE STARES AT YOU FOR LONG ENOUGH .

I MEAN...THIS SHIT IS ALL AWKWARD AND STUPID...BUT SOMETHING GOOD DOES COME OUT OF IT...THAT IS TO SAY...ONLY A NARCISSIST WOULD GOCK  AT YOU FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME AND THEN CONCLUDE THAT YOU WERE ACTUALLY GOCKING AT HIM ...that is to say YOU GOT THE FUCKER FIGURED OUT...AND IF YOU HOLD TIGHT TO THIS INFORMATION...ALL FUTURE INTERACTION WITH THIS FELLOW WILL BE SLANTED IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR BENEFIT .

big circumstance

CIRCUMSTANCES ARE PLACED IN FRONT OF US TO LEAD US IN A DIVINE DIRECTION BACK TO OURSELVES AND TO THE DESTINATIONS PER-ORDAINED FOR US TO HAVE...RELIGION IS THERE TO SIMPLY GET US OFF THIS PATH...AND ON TO ANOTHER THAT MAKES THE LEADERS OF SUCH AN ORGANIZATION FEEL COMFORTABLE .

POINT : RELIGION IS THERE TO FUCK UP YOUR LIFE .

CLOSE TO THE EDGE

THE THING ABOUT LIVING "CLOSE TO THE EDGE "...IS THAT YOU ARE ONLY INCHES AWAY FROM FALLING OFF AT ANY PARTICULAR TIME...THE THING ABOUT LIVING IN A CLOSET...IS THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN A FUCKING CLOSET !!!

IT IS VERY SIMPLE , ACTUALLY...THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT CASTS THE DARKEST SHADOWS...WHERE THE BEAUTY AND REALITY OF LIFE FLOURISHES...THERE IS ALSO MORE THAN A COPIOUS AMOUNT OF RISK...IN THE CLOSET...THERE MAY BE LITTLE RISK...BUT THERE IS LITTLE OF ANYTHING ELSE AS WELL . 

POINT : LOVE IS FUCKING FATAL AT TIMES...BUT IT IS BETTER THAN BEING DEAD IN THE FIRST PLACE .

LIFE...

LIFE IS FINDING YOURSELF AT ONE EXTREME...PROPELLING YOURSELF TO THE OTHER EXTREME...THEN SPENDING THE NEXT 50 YEARS OR SO...ATTEMPTING TO SOMEHOW SLOWLY PROGRESS YOUR WAY BACK TO THE MIDDLE .

AND DON'T FORGET TO WALK YOUR DOG .

irony...

the less someone actually lives...the more they are afraid to die .

things FLARMOLOGY does not abide by :

1-people who believe godzilla actually lost the fight to that banana sucking tit...king kong .
2-people who demanded their money back from the FLARMOLOGY musical...CATS...just because the entire cast consisted of real cats...(what in the fuck did you expect ???)
3-those who choose THE ROLLING STONES over THE BEATLES : only if THE  BEATLES were , well...just beetles...you know...from the garden...that might work .
4-people who give canned tuna as a wedding present...the pink stuff maybe...but that's it...and definitely non of that tuna substitute...tuna substitute is like shit substituting for chocolate ice cream .
5-people who proceed to tell me what i believe after they find out i am an ordained minister...i will tell you exactly what i believe...get me another beer and turn the channel...that's what i believe .

JESUS WOULD AGREE !!!

YOU CAN LEARN A LOT MORE PLAYING WITH YOUR DICK...THAN YOU CAN LISTENING TO IDIOTS .

the eyes see across the lake...the spirit sees across eternity...so which one should you listen to ???

toughy mc tough tough...the tough kid

the toughest kid...was the one who dressed up like a girl and cheered the football team onto victory...i mean...you would have to be tough to do that...wouldn't you ???

he was so tough that the GUYS let him take a shower with them...and even pick the brand of soup they were to all use...( really soft stuff )...and , my god...he could yodel like nobody else .

ROADS...AND OUR SCREWED UP DECISIONS...

it is not that some poor , misinformed fool decided not to sign THE BEATLES to his particular record label that is important....that kind of shit happens every day...IT IS HOW WE RESPOND TO THIS INDIVIDUAL THAT MATTERS .

life is one part what happens...to every seven parts response .

GOD'S confused history...

god is given all the good human qualities...the devil...all the bad...and...as for the OLD TESTAMENT WRITERS...the poor fuckers couldn't figure out which was which .

not a true story...part 1

god goes ape-shit in bar...breaks satan's nose...no charges being pressed...satan says..." now that it is all out in the open...maybe something will be done " .

LIFE...

LIFE IS TOO LONG...LIFE IS TOO SHORT...AND LIFE IS CERTAINLY TOO IN BETWEEN .

JESUS RUNS OVER YOUR MOTHER MARCH 15 2014

if you have never done anything wrong to a particular individual...maybe you should be afraid...ROUGHLY TRANSLATED...when they look upon you...they cannot see the damage you have done to them...which means , of course...there is a reasonable chance...they will see themselves reflected in you...that is to say...TRUTH SOMETIMES WORKS AS A MIRROR .

BE EXPOSED TO THE LIGHT...DON'T PERVERT IT...love will allow you to find perspective...to see reality for what it is .

CLOSING TIME

DOWNTOWN...THERE WAS THIS FAST FOOD PLACE THAT HAD THIS SIGN ON THE FRONT DOOR...IT READ...MORE OR LESS..." BEST FAST FOOD IN HALIFAX "...THING IS...THERE WAS ANOTHER SIGN RIGHT NEXT TO IT...AND GUESS WHAT IT READ ??? ( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE)...IT READ...AND I QUOTE..."CLOSED BY THE BOARD OF HEALTH !!!" 

AND YOU WONDER WHY NOBODY TAKES ANYONE SERIOUSLY ANYMORE .

wings off of flies...

IT IS EASY TO PLUCK THE WINGS OFF OF FLIES...ESPECIALLY AFTER THE LITTLE PRICK WROTE A NASTY LETTER ABOUT YOU .

god drinks too much...

GOD DRINKS TOO MUCH...AND IT IS OUR FAULT !!!

spaniels...

SPANIELS ARE GOD'S WAY OF APOLOGIZING FOR PEOPLE .

an ode to billy and sex

BILLY COULD BE HAVING SO MUCH MORE SEX IF HE PUT HIS MIND TO IT...AND EVEN MORE IF HE PUT HIS PENIS TO IT .

i am board hockey king...

i remember those hot australian nights...walking down the calm and silent streets with my cup of instant java...fuck you , kangaroo...it is my mother fucking brew...the effects of the cold shower lasted all of five minutes...the question is...what in the fuck do you do that early in the morning while waiting for your fucking meat pies to cook to their required perfection ??? maybe i could ring door bells and run my ass off back for another cup of coffee ??? nnnnnaa...australians are too fast...too drunk too...

...i remember back in halifax...paul and i would play board hockey in the middle of the night in the middle of the street..." WHO THE FUCK IS IT ??? "...this giant of a man did bellow..." OH , HI STU...HAVE A NICE NIGHT ''...and i scored as paul fidgets with the wrong little fellow..."ha , ha ha...you play board hockey like your sister...come on mother fucker...eat my slapshit !!! "

...no point...non at all...well...maybe one...LIFE IS WHO YOU ARE...NOT WHERE YOU ARE .

do you know the name of a good lawyer ???

pocket pussy got me drunk and then seduced me .

flarm's dictionary

tit...a fire fighting instrument that multitasks .

cat tree...

i dreamed that i saw three cats stuck in a tree...then I looked harder and realized that the tree was actually a cat...it was at that point...i threw my joint on the ground...and stepped upon it with my sarcastic , dry wit...my pet rat , simon...flew away like a hummingbird .

by the year 21000

by the year 2100...you will not be able to say anything like..." hey , look at that cocker spaniel...what a pretty little dog "...and do you know why you won't be able to say anything like..." hey , what a pretty little mother fucking spaniel " ???...or...whatever...i will tell you why...'cause people will think that you are into spaniels , that's why...and not just cocker spaniels , either...i mean...springer , king george...the whole fucking spaniel family...that's what i'm talking about !!!    

GOOSED BY POCKET PUSSY...

ONE GOOSE SAYS TO THE OTHER..." WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK I'M GAY ??? I GOT A POCKET PUSSY !!! "

in actuality...there are probably more fish that don't abuse power than people .

the river august 1989

life is not measured by morality...nor religion...nor ethics...we receive love...then we give love...all else is an illusion...all else is in the way...as the river flows...it is beautified...take no heed to the voices that would tell you otherwise...LOVE IS OPPOSED TO RELIGION .  

do you really think he would be smoking if he could lick his own balls ???

bending reality part 1

i am getting changed in a , well , changing room...a coin falls out of my pocket onto a tile floor and proceeds to just stand there on its side...you know...straight up and down...like a straight up and down thing...a million to one but possible , right ??? nope...and i will tell you why...context is everything...AND CONTEXT SAYS...THIS CANNOT HAPPEN EVERY FUCKING WEEK .

coming home...

your mission...if you choose to accept it...is to move onward and upward in one direction...and much the time...the illusion of going in the exact opposite direction...is perpetually fucking with your mind...though all will work out...seamlessly...from beginning to end...you will appear to be caught in a fucking maize...destined to be molested by the prince of evil...THIS WILL DEFINITELY NOT HAPPEN...one word of advice...the less you want...the quicker you escape...good luck...and by that i mean...luck has nothing to do with it .

your truly

" G " 

while on the road to...wherever...

an ode to free love...

SUCK MY FREE LOVE .

the maca erection

MACA IS A PLANT THAT GROWS IN PERU AND IS USED AS A NATURAL SEXUAL STIMULANT...IT WORKS ALL RIGHT BUT HERE IS THE THING : at least with some , MACA GIVES AN ERECTION UNLIKE ANY OTHER...TO BE SPECIFIC...THE PENIS HANGS TO THE LEFT DURING MACAMANIA...FAR LEFT , EVEN...WEIRD , EH ???  

AN INTRO. TO GHOSTS...

WHEN I WAS 13 I FOUND A CLOCK...OR STOLE ONE...IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER AT THIS POINT...ANYWAY...IT MUST HAVE BEEN 80 YEARS OLD...THE VARNISH HAD FADED LIKE YOUNG LOVE...IT EITHER WORKED OR DIDN'T WORK...ONE OF THE TWO...BUT ONE THING I DO REMEMBER...IS WHY IT WAS THROWN AWAY...AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TARNISH ON THE INNER PIECES...NOPE , NOT ONE BIT...BUT I WILL TELL YOU WHAT...IT ONLY LASTED A FEW WEEKS IN MY ROOM BEFORE I GOT RID OF IT TOO...

...NOW , THE FUNNY THING ABOUT GHOSTS...IS THAT THERE ARE MORE TYPES THAN CHOCOLATE BARS...BUT THAT IS ANOTHER STORY...LET US CONCLUDE THIS BY SAYING...I GOT THE SHIT SCARED RIGHT OUT OF ME...AMEN .

maybe if i had been sober...

the teacher talked about parallel dimensions and , you know...funky shit like that...ANYWAY...at the question and answer part of the thing-a-ma-jig...i told her that i had experienced other dimensions...at which point...she told me...politely...to shut the fuck up...roughly translated...why is she teaching people shit she obviously doesn't believe herself ??? i mean...if there are other dimensions...then someone must have their address .

hero's...

without conflict...we can't have hero's...and without hero's...we can't have civilization...now...am i saying that we need war ??? nope !!! what i am saying is that we live in a really fucked dimension...one that plays with a really poor set of rule...inferior to...at the very least ...the average dimension...but here is the " shit kicker "...though unknown to most...this is for a very good reason !!! and some day...ALL WILL BE REVEALED !!!

PEOPLE...

PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU BY YOUR WORST MOMENT...THERE ARE TWO WAYS AROUND THIS...EITHER DON'T HAVE ONE...good luck with that...OR MAKE SURE YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY DO LOVE YOU .

in my fathers house august 1989

once someone is allowed inside your heart...there is not a hell of a lot you can do about it...your control over the situation is gone...THERE THEY ARE...to love...to heal...to devastate...to leave in ruins...TWO THINGS...(1)...HOPE FOR THE BEST...(2)...be of long suffering prayer before the relationship even begins...FORGIVENESS...LETTING GO...DIVINE POWER...all these things are needed...just in case heaven suddenly becomes hell .

TAKE GOD'S BEAUTY ALONG WITH YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO .

the dictator and the end of the world...

what happens if the fucking dictator gets a fucking tumor ??? you know...no well established reason to live any more ??? many leaders have had such a perspective on life...and many more just never had the opportunity or the 89 %  alcohol to let the proverbial cat out of the mother fucking bag...not going anywhere with this...except for the fact that most people are as self destructive to the exact same extent that the opportunity presents...no more...no less .

the cast system

we still operate within a cast system...( people stuck in a certain place and treated "accordingly" )...fine and dandy...we are told in scripture that the human race is essentially a bunch of pricks...THE THING IS , HOWEVER...WE HAVE THIS FUCKED UP DESIRE TO PRETEND WE ARE ALL EQUAL...roughly translated...poor people will not be punished if their opinion deviates from the " social norm "...and holy shit...doesn't everything go to piss when truth rears its ugly head...POINT BEING...IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR FUCKING PLACE IN SOCIETY...THERE ARE COUNTLESS NUMBERS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE...WILLING TO SHOW YOU .

human relationship and the common dick

a relationship is like a penis...no matter how much you expect of it...no matter how gently you stroke it...no matter how much you abuse it...it can only go so far and do so much...i would tell you to treat your dick best when it is down...because that is where it is most of the time...but that may lead to partial humiliating and god only knows what happens next...WHAT IS MY POINT ??? I HAVE NO FUCKING POINT...BESIDES THE OBVIOUS...YOUR COCK WILL EVENTUALLY BETRAY YOU....AND NOT FOR ANY GOOD REASON AT ALL...SO...IN LIGHT OF THIS INFORMATION...CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS CAREFULLY...GOOD ONES ARE HARD TO FIND .  

the deal...

i had this deal with this bagel place...i came in wearing nothing but a bath robe and slippers...and i got a free breakfast...( and didn't the customers think it weird ) .

their food was delicious , too .

the summer of 1975 part 1

it was the summer of 1975...all the tough guys stood around the tennis club arguing which osmond had the largest cock..."jaws" was setting box office records...and an estimated eight million seven hundred thousand north american boys masturbated to pictures of linda ronstadt every fucking day...as for me...the jehova whitnesses had given me this religious book that made me the hardest i had ever been up to that point in my life...and i quote..." as for me and my house...we are going to serve the lord "...AMEN !!! 

roads march 29 2014

upon a road , we are...a road of challenge...but has already been forged for us...so why do we leave it , you ask...question is good , it is...A BETTER DEAL IS WHAT THE HUMANS LUST FOR...throw baby away for better deal , they will...goes to shit , it does...so humans lie and justify their fucking asses off , they do.

CRY TO LOVE...FOLLOW IT HOME...YOU WILL ARRIVE COMPLETE...OR MAYBE INCOMPLETE...IT MATTERS NOT , IT DOES...AS LONG AS PART OF YOU GETS HOME...RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY WILL BE FINE , IT WILL...FOLLOW LOVE !!!

the church service...

the church service was great...but the minister's wife should have turned off her vibrator .

couldn't stand the weather

HERE IS THE SHIT...when you here long term prognostications concerning our beautiful little province having..." above normal amounts of precipitation " this year...THERE IS ONE THING THAT THESE BRAVE YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN SEEM TO LEAVE OUT...that being...if you are my age...or there-about...you probably remember this meteorological phenomena that some people referred to as showers...THAT IS TO SAY...THESE DAYS...WE EASILY GET FOUR TIMES THE AMOUNT OF PRECIPITATION WITH ONLY ONE THIRD OF THE OVERCAST CONDITIONS THAT WE HAD , LET US SAY...20 YEARS AGO .

WE HARDLY GET ANY MORE SHOWERS...i mean...i don't have any expensive equipment to help facilitate the passing on of this information...but i do have something that is almost as good...it's called...LOOKING OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW !!!