selah part 13

the phoenix is a mythological creature that raised out of the ashes of decay and ruin into a new dynamic of life and existence...so it was with myself and selah...the sociological explosion was gone...replaced by the beginnings of a community that would ferment and develop in an organic manner over the next 11 years...as for myself...part of my brain was fried...i had to admit it...everything else about myself had to change to regain balance...i lost 40 pounds...shaved my head...refocused my direction...teamed up (artistically) with possibly the most brilliant man in the universe...(scott c.)...and began the most unique and unbelievable publications in the world...("flarms music review")...but there was now a new enemy...as ruthless and as diabolical as the institution of religion i had just been in battle with..his name...the devil...no seriously...i had to fight satan himself...luv stu

selah part 12

...lets just say...everything went to hell...i almost lost my life...almost everyone i loved was gone...broke...virtually every fundamentalist church east of montreal was slandering me... and the boston bruins still couldnt win a playoff round...and how did i make my comeback???easy...i got myself involved with another woman...and this time....she beat me up physically...(at least i wasnt making the same mistake)...FUCK!!! is this the end of of the good reverend??? nope...in the words of the great morgan freeman..."you get busy living...or get busy dying"...i would spend 100 days traveling europe...(read" bastard windows")... come home...and try again...luv stu

selah part 11

did you ever wonder why "christians" are so preoccupied with sex??? i lost 400 dollars per month sponsorship because a friend of mine moved in with his soon to be wife a few months before they got married...150 because i like getting my dick sucked...and another 60 because i did not think that homosexuality was a sin...in 23 years of ministry i have never seen anyone get shit for bitterness...(though i did see a "murderer" become a celebrity)...anyway...here is my point...hanging around people like this...maybe i fucking well deserved what i got...luv stu

July 30

selah part 10

as a side note...i was also...between 95 and 99...attending this church that met on a university campus...i remember preaching a sermon on the 4 levels of community...i referred to them as a level 3...that is...void community...or community that lacks direction but inevitably ends up as a level 1 or 2...(dictatorship or polite)...or ...possibly...a level 4...that is...community that is loving and transparent...fuck...didnt my phone ring off the hook...thing is...everyone accused me of something besides me suggesting they didnt know what the fuck was going on...they were not a bad bunch of people...just lost...besides...a found a great friend within their midst...luv stu

selah part 9

being traumatized was bad enough...now i added a woman to my issues...not just any woman either...a good friend for years...minutes after the proposal it all changed...faking drowning...faking comas...my buddy jon watched as she drove down the street with me on the hood of the car...i cant remember how i finally got off...it was the most fucked up thing possible...i remember coming to her home for supper and finding 3 or 4 meals on the table...each one in a different stage of decomposition...under normal circumstances...i could have dealt with it...but this was 1999...4 years of p.t.s. and the shit that came with it had taken its toll...how did i finally end it??? i left a message on the phone...thats all i could do...and boy did i get fucking shit for that...i was "the man" and everybody wanted to see me fall...and fall i did...luv stu

selah part 8

falling apart is not what it seems if you are tough as fucking nails...1995 to 1998 had a lot of fucking merits..."friday night at stu's" was one of the more joyful experiences...we drank...listened to music...and yours truly simply reflected upon what already had become the most dynamic and bizarre christian ministry imaginable...i was too functional for someone in my situation...it could have gone either way...then i "fell in love"...and the writing suddenly appeared on the wall...luv stu

selah part 7

after everything went to shit...(as previously stated)...i spent a year like nothing happened...i kept waiting for the phone to ring...someone to tell me it was a joke or a mistake...that all came to an end however one night when when i woke up in a cold sweat...my heart pounding like an elephant dashing to a sure fuck...it was the beginning of post traumatic stress...depression...and my life as a magician...that is to say...find yourself in deep shit...and watch people that you thought loved you mysteriously disappear...luv stu

July 28

camping and pizza

camping...once again...supper time...cook outside over an open fire??? no fucking way...i take some "orders"...get into my car...and drive about 30 miles or so and pick us up some pizza...now many people would say that this is not in the spirit of camping...but let me ask these people this...did you ever hear of sending out for pizza during a camping trip??? didn't think so...and in my world...nothing beats unique...luv stu

what i learned in church part 3

people screw the way they "worship god"...next time you are in church...look around you...what are you seeing??? luv stu

what i learned in church part 2

if they say they are a non-masturbating church...remember...they are probably lying about everything else too...luv stu

what i learned in church part 1

if someone says they love you...run like a fucking scolded cat...luv stu

July 26

July 23

July 21

...and in the end...

...some day t.e. will move his wonderful little family back to nova scotia...it wont be like the old days however...as i will have been brutally murdered by some piece of shit who doesnt like my theology...i know you think thats fucked...but maybe i think it is fucked that you dont know your destiny...ever think of that??? anyway...here you are with yours there i am with mine...and the truth of the matter is...nobody is assured of tomorrow...and all we really own is our story...t.e. got to travel the world...and i got to travel parallel dimensions...and all i can say , mr t.e...are two things...first...thank you for some of the richest memories possible...and finally..."it just never got weird enough for me"...i would die for you , my friend...luv stu

t.e. part 9

...so there we were at the halifax film festival...mr. micheal moore being the main attraction...we walk in to the festivities...eat all their food...drink all their booze...just like the old days...(t.e. moved away in 94...dont see each other a lot from the other side of the world)...something is missing however...neither one of us has" fucked the dog" yet...you know...controlled the situation for the sake of laughter and good cheer...oh well...i guess its my turn...the show is over...lights go on...the band leaves...piss eyed drunk...i hop on the stage and tell the crew there is an announcement...p.a. goes back on...everyone is attentive..."we are having a fundraiser to fight v.d. in the back of the hall"... the security guards come...i run away...you are never too old , my children...luv stu

t.e. part 8

...so there we are at the sub sandwich shop...the fucker gives me a stale bun...he wont replace it either...luckily...the cops are right across the street...but do you think they care...no!!! wouldnt shoot the fucker or anything...so i get on the phone...(its right outside the shop)...and pretend i am a lawyer...i tell him i am gonna take him to the fucking cleaners...t.e...says..."yea , cleaners"...we went for a drive...t.e. understood my pain...never went there again...(actually...i think the sub guy had a gun)...luv stu

from stu

...hit my "love guru" button on the right hand side of my page...sure you will love it!!! luv stu

t.e. part 7

so yours truly is "in love" with this "southern bell"...i write her...tell her of my intentions...and she replies...she indeed feels the same way...i call up all of my friends...tears in my eyes... its love for sure!!! suddenly...i look at the writing style...familiar indeed...mother fucker!!! yup...you guessed it...t.e. forged a letter...next day...ironically...i get in his car...we are driving across the continent...t.e. is getting married...t.e. says to me..."any mail lately???" i reply..."nope"...forgive...forget...fuck...lets face it...it kinda was funny...and his wedding was insanely wonderful...luv stu

t.e part 6

suddenly t.e. is in the mood for a swim...we go to the local "woolco" store...buy some boxer shorts...then proceed to sneak into one of the most affluent hotels in the city...the guests quietly leave...they are quickly replaced by the management...just about to open his mouth...but t.e. beats him to it..."waiter...get me a wine cooler...i am thirsty"...buddy has a stupid look on his face...he wasnt expecting this...i cant remember if we got our coolers...they werent allowed at the pool...but that usually is not an issue for my friend...anyway...we had a good swim...luv stu

t.e. part 5

as a young man...i guess my calling card was getting sing songs going in movie theaters before the show began...dont think i would try that today...the fabric has fallen out of society...the shit has hit the fan...and the penis has been sucked right off the monkey...t.e...thank you for the memories...luv stu

t.e. part 4

...so...t.e. and i worked our way to c.b.c. to propose an idea for a tele show...t.e. came up with this spectacular idea and so we found our way to the top office...it was going great...t.e. was on a roll...right until the time yours truly made fun of their # 1 show...we were quickly shown the door...as for the show...they didnt need our idea...i mean...the very next season...a show premiered that was exactly the same as t.e.s idea...wait a minute...crap...no...i mean...nobody would steal a show...would they??? luv stu

t.e. part 3

t.e. and i were downtown...there were these punk kids...you know...tough guys...looking for a fight...i took one look and thought to myself...what these kids needed was to learn some camp songs...within minutes we had them all singing..." brown squirrel...shake your bushy tail"...complete with actions...what was t.e.s part in the whole thing??? simple...he was the inspiration...the worlds best motivator...luv stu

t.e. part 2

we started off small...we hooked up a p.a. system to his car...and drove around town...advertising our fast food franchise..."rat on a stick"..."get your rat on a stick"...i would bellow...years later...a rumor circulated that i kept frozen rats in my fridge...as a minister...i heard close to 30 rumors about myself...i assume this was the origin...best rumor..."stu strang is christianitys version of hunter s. thompson"...i think they meant it as an insult...who the fuck knows...luv stu

t.e. part 1

until recently...t.e. lived virtually next door to an infamous world dictator...a dictator that despised cats...seizing the moment...t.e. would throw cat food on his lawn...and laugh his hole off as the mother fucker chased them away...this is the story of t.e. and myself...spreading peace and love wherever we went from 1985 until 1994 ...luv stu

July 19

nude model part 9

i was a minister in a denomination that would throw you out on your ass for being a nudest...ironic...one minute it was all about "what the bible says"...next...what ever makes them uncomfortable...(adam and eve , for example...seem to lead one to believe that wearing clothes is something that appeared because of our fucked up nature)...point...who gives a fuck what people say...as long as nobody gets hurt...b.s.u.r...luv stu

nude model part 8

it was the first time i ever modeled nude...get this...i was in a bed with this beautiful woman...why did they do this??? did they want to see if i would get horny??? my sexual preference is... pan-sexual...that is...people dont turn me on until i develop a relationship of some type of intimacy...but they didnt know that...come to think of it...i dont think they knew a whole lot of things...you know...the best thing about being a nude model is bragging rights...that and the money...luv stu

nude model part 7

there is this young lady in the back of class...she attended my community when she was a teenager...i am...well...kinda a father figure...she has this look in her eyes...it says..."holy fuck...i cant believe i am drawing stu naked"...all i can say is..."it wasnt easy on me either , girl"...luv stu

nude model part 6

there i am modeling in this anglican church hall...suddenly...there are noisesl...(the place is supposed to be empty)...people scream...run to the back...i get on my clothes and take a look at whatever it is i am supposed to be looking for...they think it was a thief that ran away when he heard the screaming...i think the fucking place had hard core spiritual problems...that aside...the best bit of the whole story...was this old lady yelling at me..."come back up here and take your clothes off"...context is everything...luv stu

July 16

street ministry years part 9

the final story regarding street ministry...(besides the ones that make others look like shit...i will avoid those as i too dont like looking like shit)...has to do with a musician that attended the "sally ann"...he sang his songs and told of his tails as a murderous motor bike guy who roamed around the country blowing shit up and killing bad guys...of course...the religious people ate all this up and put him on a church circuit so he could tell the universe of his adventures...this went quite well...right until the time someone gave this "sally ann" officer a copy of this music tape that included every fucking song that the biker claimed to have written...making a long story short...the guy didnt write a song in his life...on further research...nor was he ever in a bike gang...and truth be known...the fucker couldnt ever ride a bike...all bull shit...but there was one person who figured it out...guess who...luv stu

street ministry years part 8

the conclusion is , i hope , more fucked up than you ever imagined...o.k...i am home...i get a phone call...the guy i am referring to is in jail and wants me to visit ...so there i go to the local jail...and this cop takes me aside...he proceeds to tell me that the person in which i was helping... raped a young kid while his wife watched...(a bonding experience , i guess)...then he proceeds to take him to the instant teller and have him withdraw all his savings...i did not have post traumatic stress at the time...(that was 1995 and this was 1992)...lets just say...it was a shadow of things to come...luv stu

street ministry years part 7

continuing the story...this individual who i met in a near "fatality"...i take him to the local junior high to talk to the kids about the evils of drugs...and guess what??? we just happen to walk by a cop on the way to class...after the class...i am escorted into a certain room...there i am informed that i just let a drug pusher talk to a bunch of kids about why his source of income was good for him and bad for everyone else...one of the most humiliating moments of my life...but nothing like what was to come...t.b.c...luv stu

street ministry years part 6

so this guy was about to beat the hell out of this kid...i step in the way...tell him he has to get through me first...he backs down...later i did some research only to find out...i could have been killed...anyway...3 weeks later i see him downtown...i ask him if he want to do coffee...he says..."you buying???" he ends up joining my drug and alcohol rehab program...we get along just fine...looks like a happy ending , right??? you wouldnt believe how fucked up this story gets...t.b.c...luv stu

July 14

street ministry years part 5

this fellow owed a certain motorbike gang drug money...long story short...he was taken to citadel hill to perform oral sex to repay the debt...he gives this guy a blow job and returns to his "pimp"...the "pimp" says..."how much did you make???" the guy replies..."nothing"...the pimp says... "then why did you do it???" he says..."i was building up our clientele"...luv stu

street ministry years part 4

this street person threatens me...calls me all sorts of shit...anyway..in a few weeks time he has a change of heart...volunteers for the "sally ann" and gives me a pair of shoes for one particular reason or another...point...they were the only pair of shoes i have ever been given by a man who was brutally murdered...luv stu

July 12

street ministry years part 3

the greatest irony of my 4 or 5 years of street ministry...is that i was doing it to raise money to support my work with the somewhat affluent of this world...fucked , eh???

street ministry years part 2

there was this sweet little girl in a completely abusive relationship...horrible...i was told that if i interfered...i would be killed or worse...that was a decision i did not have to worry about...she was soon to disappear...i was later told she was taken to toronto to work on the street as a prostitute...luv stu

street ministry years part 1

so there i was in this soup kitchen place...thing-a-ma-jig...anyway...i preached my sermon...and was promptly escorted outside...apparently...some guy was not content with my message....and now wanted to beat me up...i thanked the ladies for escorting me...then proceeded to go back and talk to the lad...next scene...we go for coffee and he told me his life story...the poor little fucker...he was addicted to about 10 or 15 street drugs...and get this...he and his mother attended orgies together since he was 8 or so...i do not miss my street ministry days one fucking bit....luv stu

ghost story part 3

the truth is...ghosts dont really exist...they are like...watching a movie...you know...something really fucked up happened and energy gets trapped and you watch the replay...they are a lot of fun...but after the shit i have seen...they are nothing more than entertainment...oh yes...the bed vibrated one night...good for the back...luv stu

ghost story part 2

o.k...so there i am watching this ghost walk back and forth...same place as before...(actually , the only place i have ever seen a ghost)...anyway...he is bitching about the potato crop going to shit...come morning...i walk into the dining room and tell everybody what i had seen...in unison...they tell me to turn around...and there on the wall...is a picture of a potato farmer...luv stu

ghost story part 1

during a two year period 6 and 7 years ago...i was attacked by demonic beings in the middle of the night about a couple hundred times...anyway...what was really weird is when it happened in a haunted house...i woke up around 5 or so with this fucking demon on my back ...thing is ...at the same time...i saw this ghost meandering across the room...i could not help but observe that they did not reconize each other...they were from different dimensions...i watched this for a while...masturbated...then went back to sleep...luv stu...(just kidding about the last bit) .

July 7

watch "rocky 5"

was the worst time of my life...money...girl...health..."family"...all had been taken for no fucking reason besides my theology indicates very strongly that a lot of clergymen should be selling encyclopedias...preaching love and transparency will get you a shit sandwich without any bread in a traditional church...at the same time...i was spending a lot of time in the local mental institution attempting to save this kids life...it took him months to get out of bed...another couple of years to be functional...another five or so to begin to shine...but here is the shit...eventually...all the love and teaching i gave him...he took it all and used it to get sex...money...power... he resented the fact that he didnt heal himself...everyone who loved him...he gave a big fat fuck-off to...worse yet...i have seen this play out so many times...luv stu

July 5

summer camping part 9

the clean up...i lift up a bed and there before me written by...god knows who...are the words..."if you love someone...set them free...if they come back...they are yours...if they dont...they never were"...i was 16 at the time...i remember seeing those words like it was yesterday...they defined the rest of my life...luv stu

July 2

summer camping part 8

the hard cold fact of the matter is...if you blow up a frog at camp...the boys love it...(even if a piece of the beast goes into their hair)...and the girls dont talk to you for at least a few hours...you may not know this information...now you do...luv stu

Happy Canada Day!

To everyone out there, Have a good one.

As the summer is rolling into full swing, Everyone here at Flarmology is pretty excited about the next incarnation of your favourite...uhhh...Web Thingy, "Sex And Spirituality with The Love Guru".

"What the hell is that?"

Glad you asked! Sex And Spirituality is a series designed to help bridge the gap that unfortunately exists between those two dynamics. The fine people over at http://www.videojug.com contacted us about their new "Pages" section and wanted us on board with their love and dating area.

So, Stu did what stu does best: Threw on some Psychedelic shirts, set up the pulpit, and redesigned his preaching style into This:


"Options"


And This:


"Love Is In All"

All of which can be found here: http://pages.videojug.com/sites/63

As well as the series (Airing whenever SOMEBODY decides to actually do a bit of work around here...) there is a "Speak Your Mind" Page where people are encouraged to leave a comment concerning any sort of question you can think of about sex or spiritually. The Love Guru himself will get back to you as soon as possible.

So sit back and continue to enjoy this, as well as all of the other great content you've come to love from Flarmology.

in the tub

there i was drinking in the tub...talking to a friend of mine...suddenly i saw gabriel behind him with a vat of something or another...he poured it upon him...(my friend was unsuspecting)...suddenly...he began to cry in a way i have never seen before...he looked...even sounded differently after that...more wonderful than ever...luv stu

the first year

for the first year of my angelic visits...there were a various types of manifestations...there were the visible encounters....there were the 30 or so audible words...(either words i never heard before that i looked up on the internet and discovered that they were directed at some aspect of my life very specifically...or words concerning someone that i coulndt have possibly known...like asking my best friends little girl how square dancing lessons went when i didnt know she had square dancing)...there were the almost visible manifestations...there was the fucking around with the laws of physics...and then there was the one that is too hard to describe in under 100 words...anyway...it was preparing me for something , i reckon...also...to convince me i was not going crazy...luv stu