sex and humility

what is more important than technique??? get this...humility...instead of going to one extreme to another...that is...shame and guilt...or simply reducing sex to a biological function...humility allows for each sexual dynamic to be special...embraced...and an act of communication...wonderful...maybe you like ejaculating between breasts...pride will either not allow for the dialogue to take place...or pride will reduce this special interaction to the "matter of fact" category...humility discovers the moment...and allows for sex to be spiritual and emotional as well...take love...real love... into sex...luv stu

tennis balls

it was my turn to buy tennis balls...(to play tennis with , obviously)...feeling cheap and on a tight budget...i resented this acquisition...non-the-less...i made the purchase...and we went to the court...and there it was...right in front of us...a gaggle  of tennis balls...some of which were brand new...spread all over the court...and to make it even weirder...i had just been there an hour or so before...and there was not a tennis ball to be  found...all but one...you see , the week before...i had kicked a tennis ball straight up in the air and it got stuck in the tree...and there it was still...thirty feet above me...lodged in an impossible position...almost as impossible as the herd of balls sprayed all over the count .    

bed bug - the movie

i have an idea for a movie...the world becomes infested with bed bugs...and everyone is in hysterics killing them...so much so they begin to think all bugs are bed bugs...then all animals are bed bugs...eventually it comes to the place where they believe that people are bed bugs as well...which brings us to the final scene...one traumatized idiot rocking back and forth in a corner...holding a gun and waiting for the bed bugs to finish him off .

me and the jehovah people

i was 13 or 14 years old...the jehovah witness people came to my door and gave me one of their "how to live your life" books...inside i discovered a chapter on masturbation...i would spend months reading that chapter before i masturbated...the blood rush that it perpetuated made the experience just a bit better...point...no matter what sexual dynamic another is confronted with...scaring the crap out of them creates an addiction...not a solution...sure...masturbation is normal...fun and all of that...but how about the poor guy who is actually dealing with some dark behavior??? love is light...bring love to every situation...it is the only way that healing will happen.

how to get rid of bed bugs

easy, actually...like most of gods creatures bed bugs are lazy little fuckers looking for the easiest path down the road of life...translating this dynamic into action...one simply places a piece of clothing on the floor by every corner of the bed...they will perceive this as a much more convenient home that the last one...and will remain there until he either wants to screw or eat...this is where you come in...get a gun...a shovel...a bomb...or maybe even your thumb will do...lift up the clothing...and let the little prick have it !!! WARNING...repeat this process for a prolonged period of time...as you are not entirely sure when the last invader has left to see jesus...and oh , yes...one more thing...just to make sure some idiot out there does not sue me...i was just kidding about the bomb , gun and shovel...luv stu
 
p.s.
if he is hiding in the bed itself...you figure it out...but there are tons of options

wolfville

my partner in all these endeavors , scott , and myself...recorded this album entitled :"wolfville"...the story line is of the nazi's marching into this particular town to rape and torture...then murder under the light of the moon...what they are unaware of is...everyone in wolfville...is a werewolf...hence...the very time they think they are going to do some killing...is the very time they will all get ripped to pieces...point...we have no control...only the illusion of control...tread lightly.

October 25

a better lover...

this fellow...no longer "in love" with his wife...decides to meander throughout the internet to find a "new and better lover"...he does...within weeks...they decide to meet and exchange names as well as bodily fluids...so they do...at some fast food place or whatever...anyway...guess who his "new and better lover" turned out to be??? yup...his darling little wife...sometimes when you run away from something...you smack directly into the very thing you are running away from.

taking a friend to lunch

it was 1994...my life had gone to shit...what i had not lost...i was about to...i took this young fellow out for lunch...what he did not know...he was about to spend 70% of my life savings...in contrast...1985...i was making good money...every pay day i would find a street person and buy them a mean...and i cannot remember a single occasion...point...giving is always beautiful...but giving when you have not...is truly a spiritual blessing...live love.

the goal tender

he played 17 years of professional hockey
and let in an average of less than
two goals a game
he was great
and he was also double jointed
so much so that he could
suck himself off
which he did
somewhat publicly
actually
between every period
he never got into the hall of fame
they just quietly pretended 
that he never existed

paradox

have you ever noticed that...in terms of the spiritual dynamic of life...everything is actually the opposite of what it seems...allow me to explain...to truly get love you have to give it away...to find your identity...you must lose yourself in an eternal love....you are free...when you are bound to another...you don't get beauty by grabbing it...no more than you screw to become a virgin...indeed...life is one paradox after another.

my grandfather

i was on a friends front steps
and this lady passed by
and said to me
that she was sorry that
my grandfather had died
this was all news to me
so i went home and called my father
to see if this was true
all he said to me was
and i quote
"well , son
all i can say
is hell is now a far more
interesting place to live"

October 20

guns

my brother was a gun addict...in 1986...he shot a duck...went into the water to get it...and drowned...my father was a gun addict...just over a year ago...tired of his struggle with cancer...he shot himself in the face in the wonderful company of his wife...(if i had been there...i would have been killed too)...anyway...here is my point...everything that gives us comfort...is not always good for us...and everything that makes us uncomfortable...is not always bad for us...look around...see the light...dont define yourself by what you feel...live love...things will appear differently...luv stu

just came up with this quote , puppy cats...

people are easily lied to...but seldom believe the truth .

the greyhound in the cold

i was just at some young ladies sight...and i was reminded of last winter when i found a greyhound...freezing...waiting for his master...i took off my coat and placed it upon him until his "master" arrived...to my young lady friend...which is worse...being a slut or leaving your dog alone in the cold??? we all got our issues , my dear...luv stu

the accident

this individual is in a car accident...should have died but did not...becomes addicted to drugs just to deal with the pain...10 years to the day...he dies in another car accident at the exact same spot he had the first one...there is perfect order to the universe...and if we ever get past the idea that we should not suffer...it will be ours to understand...luv stu

gods will

in regards to community development...there is no right or wrong answer to how big or small the community should be...the issue is...how large is it supposed to be...that is to say...god guides us along the way...and...it is supposed to be exactly the people group he desires...notice how there is no room for generic behavior here...our responding out of what we want will only get us in trouble...we simply love...and see  what the fruits of the love will bring .

...this young lady...

i told this young lady
that i was working out
nearly every day
and my body was getting hard
then i asked her to grab my penis
so i could prove
how hard it was getting


she sprained her wrist

honesty

i cannot help but believe that we experience life the way we do so that we can share our history and help others to grow and learn...our natural inclination is to fearfully "cover our tracks"...boast about things we should be ashamed of...or...the ever popular...re-write our stories to suit our comfort level...if i seem a tad too honest...it is simple because of this philosophy-the first philosophy , not the crappy ones-and how much joy it brings...have a nice day...luv stu

the star fish on the beach

i once heard a story about a little boy who was throwing starfish back into the water from the beach...in an attempt to save their lives...an old man approached him and said..."why are you doing this child??? there are thousands of starfish on this beach...you will never be able to make a difference"...the little boy just smiled...picked up another starfish and replied..."it makes all the difference in the world to this one"...then he threw it into the water and disappeared .

October 12

corningwear

i was walking down a street recently and i couldn't help but notice that some individual was taking some corningwear out of her house and into her car...weird...i hadn't seen corningwear since 1970...but what is more weird...it was at that particular spot that i had seen it...there are strange rivers , little puppy-cats...and when you allow them to carry you...things just seem to line up in the most serendipitous ways...things like this are there simply to remind us that we are in the right place at the right time...that life is indeed coming together in the way that it was ordained .

moses the sperm

we wrote an album entitled..."moses the sperm"...it is about a sperm named moses...who attempted to lead all the other sperm into the "promise land"...however what actually happened was that he led them into the back of someones mouth...and from there...the plot thickens...that is to say...do not think that anybody actually knows what they are doing .

your wife

so you come home to your wife
and she had been making pudding
all the day long
which is fine
but she made 200 gallons of the shit
and there she is in the tub
rolling around in it
laughing and screaming
almost both at the same time
accusing you of screwing her father
which you never did
anyway
you think back to
the time you said
"i do"
and just how easily
those words left your mouth
...i don't have a point here
it's just weird
that's all

life is a paradox

have you ever noticed that...in terms of the spiritual dynamic of life...everything is actually the opposite of what it seems...allow me to explain...to truly get love you have to give it away...to find your identity...you must lose yourself in an eternal love....you are free...when you are bound to another...you dont get beauty by grabbing it...no more than you screw to become a virgin...indeed...life is one paradox after another.

april 1993

it was 1993...in bed with that "special person" after all is said and done...i am a bit awkward...i turn and say..."you know...it doesn't really matter if we believe in the loch ness monster...as long as he believes in himself"...she giggles and replies..."you should write a book of sayings like that"...so i did...then i wrote 40 or 50 more...(just self published)...anyway...my point is...a creative act leads to creativity...i really believe that the love involved helped to facilitate the whole book thing...sex can be selfish and sex can be selfless...they are not the same thing .

hitler

question...did homophobia cause ww2 ??? here is the argument...hitler was obviously gay...he was not , however , in a position where his sexuality could be celebrated...repressed crap always goes to a bad place...now i am not saying yes or no...but i am saying this...we don't just love people...we love their identity as well...we love all...and if we don't...we can't really say where it will all go...but be assured...it will go no place fruitful...luv stu

October 5

the vision

in the year 1997
of the lord
i had a muchly desired
vision of christ
though interesting
i must admit
i was a tad
disappointed
you see
our lord and savior
creator of the universe
didn't even bother
to offer me
one of his smokes

the faith healer

the year is 1988...i am in north australia doing "stand-up"...there is this "faith healer" in the audience...he is being manipulated and used by one of the biggest "ministry" guys in the universe...anyway... he grows up...gets out... and becomes a famous movie director ...but here is the real story...nothing changed...he went from one person using him to another...and this is what we do...you see...the real problem is dealing with the issues of the heart...heal the wounds and the geography will take care of itself...have a nice day...luv stu

truth

so i walk into this restaurant to meet this young fellow for lunch...he says to me..."guess what is new???" i reply..."you are moving away"...(i had intuited this about an hour before)...he immediately gets scared and tries to "cover his ass"...my point...instinctively...we all know what we should be doing...(if he were supposed to move...my words would have brought comfort...not fear)...just seek truth...nothing else...and truth will tell you what you should and should not be seeking.

dog story

so this couple was on vacation...their dog died...hence , the only way to bring it back home was to put it back into its cage...(before they boarded the jet)...long story short...the airline thought they killed the dog...and went out and found another that looked just like it...of course , it would be hard to convince them that a living dog could actually be their dog...you know...theirs being dead and all...point...one way or another...truth will reveal itself in its own sweet time .

the cd. shelve collapse

true story...one of my c.d. shelves collapsed...breaking 100 of  my cases...(yet only scratching one of my c.d.'s)...however...almost immediately...knowing nothing of my situation...a friend calls and tells me that someone had just given him approximately 100 c.d.jewel cases that he had no need for...point...life...be there in the right place at the right time...and how do you do that??? easy...love life...do not fuck it up the ass...there is a current that carries us...the currents name is LOVE IN ALL SITUATIONS... and it is best to not resist it.