first impressions

i am on my way to a friends house about a week ago...this man is walking past me with his dog...i say..."hi , doggy"...and the dog goes crazy...i ask the man if the dog is friendly...his reply..."yup , but he makes a terrible first impression"...the organic personality is far more likely to make a bad first impression than the generic personality...the logic is simple...they do not understand that life is a game...and that they are supposed to play a role...hence...the term organic...luv stu .

dr. goose

for those of you who do not know...between 2001 and 2008...i had a publication in halifax entitled..."flarms music review"...one of the characters in this publication was...dr. goose...we also did a series of videos with the good dr. and his side kick...timmy...(a duck)...during the taping of one of these videos...for whatever reason...(the characters are both stuffed animals)...i took the microphone and placed it in front of the fucking goose...and this , my friends...is the second dumbest ting that i have ever done in my life...indeed...we all have our moments...try no to laugh too hard at someone when they have theirs...yours is probably just around the corner...luv stu .

my "boundaries" video

looking at my video on personal boundaries...i could not help but notice that it was linked to a commercial on how to make chicken nuggets...at first...this seemed odd...i mean...what does a boundaries video have in common with chicken nuggets??? then it dawned...it was obvious...some times you just have to say..."no!!! i will not eat those fucking chicken nuggets!!! they taste like shit!!!"

the monster

there was this monster...in the deep south , u.s.a...scaring the shit out of everyone...he had three toes on each foot...eight feet high...nocturnal...and guess what??? science deemed this to be a hoax...and do you know why??? because "monkeys" are not nocturnal...have more than three toes...and so on...roughly translated...the very qualities that made this a fascinating situation...are the very qualities that had this disregarded as being a fascinating situation...the weird thing is...we discover new species on this planet every day...apparently , however...the only new species that we are allowed to discover...are ones that make us feel comfortable...i am not saying this big fucking ape does or does not exist...possibly both for all i know...and care...thing is...this is not about monkeys...it is about possibilities...the moment that something is no longer possible...it is no longer possible...think about that...luv stu .

February 25

hot dogs

i make two pizzas...one for myself...one for a friend...i try to contact him...to see what he lusts for on top...per usual...he does not answer his phone...result...i put everything on his pizza...but hot dogs...the reason is obvious...i am the only one i know who likes hot dogs on his pizza...hence...i am simply "playing the odds"...anyway....he arrives...i take the pizzas out of the oven...and he begins to give me shit because there ain't no fucking hot dogs on his...what is my point here??? simple...isn't funny how ground up ass holes and lips...can have such a profound effect upon the process of evaluating someones character...i mean...they probably have invented machines that cost millions of dollars to do the same thing...that do not work nearly as well...luv stu

i know sweet fuck all...

i know sweet fuck all about politics...but i do know people...very fucking well...you may not care...regardless...here is my assessment of the shit going down in the middle east...only love can change the well established patterns of humanity...and by that i mean...as leaders are replaced by leaders...ultimately...what you will really have...is tyrants who know how to play the game...replaced by ones who are far more ignorant...fearful...virile...and , generally speaking...out of their fucking minds...point...this shit is dangerous , baby...and what should you hope for??? simple...america...russia...and china...to get all on the same fucking page...if this does not happen...god only knows what will...luv stu

the boy and the hot chocolate.

1994...i took this child to a movie...but first!!! a snowball fight...pummeling each other like godzilla and mothera...pretty intense shit , baby...then a hot chocolate...as he drank the beverage...i noticed that he was having an ever so slight issue with breathing...i said...defending the young man against god..."you don't deserve this"...suddenly...there were tears in his eyes..."what the fuck???"...then it dawned on me...my god...he thought i was saying that he didn't deserve the donut and hot chocolate...it almost broke my heart...thank god for language...within seconds...everything was fine...except the movie...which was...passable...indeed...the best thing about life...people...the worst thing...people...the only thing that matters...people...luv stu

my beer

i used to drop my beer in the bath tub...then catch it with my right hand...whoever was there...would be very impressed..."fuck" , they would say..."fucking amazing!!!"...i am almost 50 now...i do the same thing...but i cheat...you see...they do not know it...but i reach for the beer...one 20th of a second before i drop it...either that...or make sure the can is empty...the thing is...as you grow old...life changes...no fucking way around it...you either understand this...and embrace it...or you are in for a hard long road...everybody has their own personal beer can , baby...and it will not accommodate you...luv stu .

the boundaries video

watching my" boundaries" video...i could not help but notice...at the very end...it was linked to a series of other related videos...one being..."how to make chicken nuggets"...at first...i could not understand how someone could possibly see any similarity between emotional boundaries that one puts in place in the midst of a problematic relationship...and chicken nuggets...then it dawned on me...sometimes peoples chicken nuggets...taste like shit...hence...you have to say..."NO...i will not eat those fucking things...they are horrible"...in other words...my mistake .

February 22

lining things up february 19 2011

it is the road that god has chosen for us...to become , in terms of action...who we are on the inside...that is to say...our heart and soul are not only embraced and controlled by love...but this is , furthermore...made manifest...dynamics : 1-two lost souls...2-become aware of their condition...3-in humility...begin to communicate...4-enters...even more humility...fearlessness...honesty...passion...and love...5-the human begins to embrace and be aware of the divine...6-all situations are seen as a chance to discover...7-and finally...the relationships are organic...REAL...live luv.

bull terrier

apparently...a bull terrier...who essentially...was bred to be a killer... has enough power per square inch...to bite through a parking meter...one the other side of things...a black bear...docile by nature...is forbidden to be a pet because...it is potentially dangerous...here is the shit...we do not give a flying fuck about what is volatile...we only care about how things appear...example...shopping store santa clause...sweet looking , right??? enough said...do not be so concerned about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable...instead...get into the reality of the situation...reality...what a concept...luv stu .

fifi

it is perfectly fine dressing up like someone who would have a dog named fifi...furthermore...it is perfectly fine dressing up like someone who would have a dog named fifi...and , in fact...having a dog that looked like a dog named fifi...fuck...there isn't even anything wrong with naming that dog fifi...but do not expect people not to notice...they will...and they will laugh...as long as you are fine with this...then the universe remains in balance...my point...roughly translated...don't do the crime...if you can't do the time...luv stu

predator

in the movie..."predator"...about half way through...arnold and the boys become aware that the reason why this giant...invisible...highly advances creature wants to kill them...is because they are armed...and that the beast sees them as some type of a challenge...so what do they do...not a fucking different , i will tell you that...if it had been me...i would have thrown down my gun...taken off my clothes...and danced around like a little fairy...yet such is the human condition...when human behavior does not work...people try the same thing harder...and expect different results...and what happens...some nine foot son of a whole from a distant planet...has your head at the end of a stick...PUPPY-CATS...if something is not working...try something else...anythings else...but remember this...the behavior that got you into shit...is not the behavior that will get you out of shit...luv stu .

the coffee shop

myself and this young boy...back in 1985 or 6...walk into this coffee shop...(we actually did the same thing today)...anyway...this was before i essentially gave up on the human race...(i replaced this with a very positive notion about the individual)...what happened was...i literally turned the place into a game show...all four or five tables had to answer skill testing questions...the winner getting something or another that i happened to have on me at the time...thing is...people seeing me do this...could end up in jail...or at least kicked out of the coffee shop...if they decide to try to duplicate this shit...this is an art form...(read t.e. and yours truly)...just be yourself...but whatever you do...never try to be someone else...sooner or later...it will go to shit...luv stu .

February 18

the service

so this minister gave this sermon...how everything inevitably comes together...he used this illustration...he said..."how many of you ever masturbated in a lake???" (point being...sperm , under such circumstances...coagulates)...nobody raised their hands...but i will tell you what they did do...beat the living fuck out of him after the service...luv stu

shithead bill

this is the story of shithead bill...his head was not really made of shit , however...it is a metaphor...he was actually called shit head bill because he was a prick...roughly translated...this is the story of prick , shit head bill...who , although he had a prick...was not himself...a prick...this is a metaphor as well...meaning...this is the story of ass hole , prick...shit head bill...and now you know never to define an individual...by only one piece of who they are...because bill...although quite the prick and ass hole...and often the complete shit head...was a very good father...luv stu

pop

did you ever wonder why virtually all "love songs" are , more or less...bi-polar??? specifically...either relatinships are saturated with romance , perfection , unbridled sex and such...or they have completely come apart...and nobody seems to know why...here is the shit...either people are completely in denial of the way things work...they are stupid...or they are consciously attempting to brain wash the youth of our little planet...my guess...all three...luv stu

February 16

...this guy

this guy asked me a question...i gave him the answer...he then proceeded to tell me i was wrong...and then...he corrected me by telling me the exact same thing that i had just said...in other words...now...the thing about this that pisses me off the most is not that he was fucking around with my head...(i do not give a shit about such things)...but i simply felt sorry for him because he had no idea that he was doing this...point...get to know yourselves...luv stu

super fellow

what do you call a superhero that has no villain to fight??? a chain smoking alcoholic...point...there are invisible and no so invisible forces at work holding our lives together...most of us humans have no idea which ones carry weight and which ones do not...do not change too much without knowing exactly what you are doing...furthermore...truly...get to know yourself...luv stu

remember this...

remember this , folks...most peoples definition of "loving you"...is having a use for you...and once that use expires...so does the "love"...they will not admit to this...in fact...they will have a wonderful reason for turfing you out into the cold..like...your religion sucks...you peel potatoes in the wrong direction...or...your beagles ears are too long...you know what i mean??? anyway...yesterday was valentines day...and i hope you all had a great time...but remember this...just because love is rare...that does not mean it is not worth pursuing...indeed...it is a pearl of great price...and when i say great price...i mean everything...luv stu

dylan

bob dylan said that george thorogood and the destroyers were the worst band in the world...george's response..."it is an honor to be called the worst by the best"...my response...at last...a little bit of humility and forgiveness...wonderful...luv stu

orange

back in 1990...i found a box of beta-"caritine"...(apparently...i do not know how to spell "caritine" and neither does my dictionary)...anyway...being the good fellow that i am...i split the box with my frined , jimmy...and we both spent the next few weeks ingesting this shit by the handful... next scene...at the movie theater...at exactly the same time...we look in the mirror...(in the shit house)...and simultaneously notice that we both turned orange...fuck , did i feel weird...anyway...point...what we put into ourselves...eventually...the entire world will see..."what is said in private...will one day be broadcast from the roof top"...luv stu

February 11

the house

i walk past this house just about every day...it is a nice house...sort of like most in the neighborhood...a friend of mine used to live there...very kind...soft spoken and a genius i.q..come to think of it...another friend of mine used to live there...who matches the same description...and guess what??? there was a third as well...PUPPY-CATS...there is a spiritual energy out there...we cannot see it...but it leads us down a strange and mysterious path...maybe the proper definition of sin should be...fighting the currents that carry us...luv stu

naked , once again

modeling again...in a church hall...there is an old fire place in the corner of the room...it has been cemented over...with bricks and shit like that...it tells a story , you know...once there were small groups of people around that fire place...probably teenagers telling secrets to other teenagers...once upon a time...in this room...people were attempting to build a community...now it is cemented over...with bricks and shit like that...let me repeat...along time ago...in this room...at least someone tried...luv stu

gander airport 1986

gander airport...my brother comes home for a visit...his best friend meets him there...he says..."hey , steve...my little girl can walk now"...the reply..."who gives a fuck"...now , i know that i am no fortune cookie...but i think it is safe to say that...if my brother had not died...he never would have ventured into the greeting card business...lov stu

the moses cartoon

who are gods chosen people??? if you take the moses story literally...not only are the jews gods chosen...but god himself will personally fuck up anyone who gets in their way...it is the lower nature of man to believe that his form of ritual and custom and such...is superior to others...indeed...it is the part of man that has to be transformed into something more pleasant...who are gods chosen??? well...simple...if god is love...then those who live love are gods chosen...and they are to embrace the unlovely...not kick the crap out of them...luv stu .

February 8

cuba part 9

these people have nothing...roughly translated...nothing to hide behind...so...the situation leads them into real relationship with each other...why does joy usually only happen when all of our stuff is taken away??? our mandate in life is to love each other...and anything that keeps us from facilitating this...truly is shit...luv stu

cafe press

buy our cartoons on mugs or t.shirts...just hit the cafe press button on the right hand side of the page...luv stu

cuba part 8

this wonderful lady is consoling her best friend...her mother had just died...thing is...the very next day...her mother dies as well...fuck!!! maybe there is an explanation for everything...but if there is...we sure as hell do not have the capacity to understand it .

the way

there are many ways to fuck up a family...judgment...betrayal...power plays...bad communication...and such...but there is only one way to make it work...unconditional love...luv stu

flarms music review part 2

the idea behind "flarms music review"...(a publication of satire that was distributed across halifax between the years of 2001 and 2009)...was to essentially build an organic business that embraced and loved both the reader and advertiser...not only was "flarms" commercially successful...there was extensive teaching on human relationship...community was built and facilitated...and instead of simply taking the money of the advertiser...yours truly would do his best to make sure that the advertisers needs were being met...that is to say...on more than one occasion...i told potential clients that advertising with "flarms"...would be a waste of money...furthermore...come the recession...those who no longer could afford the expense...were given a space in the publication...for free...and i still made a healthy profit...luv stu

de ja vu

i am nude modeling again...first time in five years...there is this girl in the class...strange...she looks just like a certain young lady who drew me five years before...(who was actually a friend)...weirder still , however...is that she is drawing me in the same class room...better yet...she is in the same seat...i do not know what this means...(probably just that i am in the right place at the right time)...but if nothing else...it is sure something to be just a tad suspicious of...luv stu

February 4

time out

if you have been reading my material...and simply cannot understand why an individual who claims to have had so many bizarre and supernatural events happen within their life...seems to be so sound of mind...(as opposed to most in "my position")...there is a reason for this...the road of truly taking an intimate spiritual journey...is not exactly embraced by the general public...for example...me...myself...will eventually be shot to death...that is to say...most of my kindred spirits...(by that i mean...prophetic voices)...have either committed suicide...had nervous breakdowns...or have simply hardened their hearts and retreated back into the woods...love is from another universe...and that makes the real lovers...ALIENS...luv stu

fact of the matter...part 5

o.k...there are a few empty lots in our downtown core...and , obviously... it is pissing off some people...guess what??? the same people that are bitching about this...are the same people who are bitching about proposals for building on the lots...fact of the matter is...until you know what is exactly going on within your heart...your opinion ain't worth shit...that is to say...until your inner self is resolved...your opinion on what exactly is going on around you...will simply be a projection of the sum total of your neurosis and such...learn to love yourself...then and only then...can you actually see what the universe is really like .

cuba part 7

there i was with this very wonderful , kind lady...talking about...god knows what...suddenly...my angel friends appeared...i did not say a thing...she , however...immediately changed the conversation topic to angels...(no shit)...gabriel tells me to grab her hand...i say..."wanna feel something really wonderful???" fact of the matter is i did not know that the hand i grabbed had either no or only partial feeling and movement for the last four years...but that was all about to change...it was a fine night .

the automobile

a friend of a friend of mine reads the morning paper and sees that there is a b.m.w. for sale for 50 dollars...he immediately gets in his car...and drives to the address...after making the purchase...he turns to the lady and says..."why are you selling a brand new b.m.w. for 50 dollars???" her reply...and i quote..."my husband recently passed away and , in the reading of his will...it was discovered that he had another woman on the side...and her part of the inheritance was to receive half of the money that i got from selling the b.m.w"...point being...nobody has their ass totally covered...unless...you simply love...luv stu .

time travel

we are all time travelers...first...there are the ones who travel inside of time...that is to say...lies...selfish ambition...power...and the like...are all finite in nature...they are confined to this physical universe...and will all...sooner or later...disappear...then there are those who travel outside of time...love...kindness...sincere generosity...are all eternal in nature...they are of another universe...and will last longer than this planet...that is to say...FOREVER...point...next time you walk down the street...take a look around...because...although it may appear that everyone is basically the same... the truth is...there are two distinct universes being represented .

the coffee expert

this fellow walks into this coffee shop and says..."got any of them free range coffee beans???" point...next time you want to get down on yourself for saying something stupid...just think of him...luv stu

February 1

events january 29 2011

ask an individual who he is...you will not get a correct response...why??? 1-he does not know...2-is giving proper social response...3-is lying to you...(and himself)...4-thinks he is who society has deemed him to be...and...5-defined by lust and fear...(these things always block self knowledge)...it is usually not what a person says he is that makes him who he is...instead...it is their situation...what happens...why it happens...and how do they respond it...point...live love...remove...fear...lust...power and bullshit from your life...add...humility...understanding...love and truth...and in the midst of all this...discover who and what you are .