late june 1979...part two...july 1 1979

in the final analysis...it don't matter...( yes , i am aware...improper grammar )...if you heal a child's broken heart...raise someone from the dead...or score the winning goal in the stanley cup finals...IF YOU ARE TO SHOW UP AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S HOME...ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT SHE MOVED TO TORONTO...( NO WARMING )...you are going to feel like your heart just got eaten by a black bear # .

# warmed you those things were cruel and volatile...next time you will believe me , eh ??? 

CHALLENGE YOUR PERCEPTION...

ONCE YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED ONE MIRACLE ...FORM THAT POINT ON...EVERYTHING YOU SEE...YOU SEE FROM A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE .

chickening out...

chickening out...is not another way of being brave .

life is illusions

this old lady would bribe the neighborhood cats into her home by offering them filet of soul and other such goodies...little did she know...the young fellow she was renting out a room to...was shooting the cats just about as fast as she was liberating them from the jail that some of  us refer to as " our friendly neighborhood neighbors"...bottom line...she  had created the illusion of cat thievery...but...come the end...she had actually thieved no cats at all...god had thieved them instead...in an indirect kinda way .

point...virtually all you see is an illusion .

flarm's dictionary

fuckadactal...a big bird that makes a lot of noise .

whistlers mothers notty bits

until you can whistle out of your vagina...you are not a man .

boys must be boys...

what pisses me off...

THE SAME PEOPLE WHO LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE FOR BRAGGING...ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO NEVER GIVE OUT COMPLIMENTS .

MONEY AND THE COMMON ERECTION

THIS OLD FELLOW WAS GIVING AWAY MONEY...YOU KNOW...FOR FREE...SO THE FUCKERS PUT HIM IN A  MENTAL INSTITUTION...AND LOCKED HIS ASS AWAY FOR A WHILE...GOOD MOVE , EH ??? THIS IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO HOW WE TREAT THE GREEDY AND THE SELFISH...GIVING THEM HONORARY DEGREES IN ADULTERY AND SHIT LIKE THAT...ANYWAY...MY KETTLE IS WHISTLING .

KING ARTHUR

DID YOU KNOW THAT IN THE DAYS OF KING ARTHER THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS " POCKET PUSSIES " ??? TRUE STORY...INSTEAD...THEY WOULD HAVE TO CLIMB ON THE BACK OF DRAGONS AND RUB UNTIL EJACULATION .

THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE

IT IS QUITE SIMPLE ACTUALLY...ALL TRUTH...BEAUTY...AND PURE REALITY...COMES OUT OF PAIN AND SUFFERING...SO THIS PLANET IS BEING SQUEEZED...( LIKE AN ORANGE , KINDA )...UNTIL ALL THIS WONDERFUL MATERIAL IS GATHERED TOGETHER AND PLACED IN GOD'S FRONT LEFT...O RIGHT...POCKET .

...AS FOR ALL THE LEFTOVERS ??? WELL , THE WORD  "FUCKED"  COMES TO MIND...BUT I AM SURE IT WILL BE O.K...AFTER ALL...HE IS A MERCIFUL , VENGEFUL GOD !!!

EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL IS BROKEN

THE BROKEN ARE THE BROKEN...BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO FRAGILE AND BEAUTIFUL TO WITHSTAND ENTRANCE INTO THIS ...universe .

JUST REMEMBER...

JUST REMEMBER...IF THEY FORGOT ABOUT JOHNNY CASH...THEY WILL SURE AS FUCK FORGET ABOUT YOU AND ME .

smartest human in the world...

the biggest mistake that the smartest human in the world could possibly make...is to believe that they are actually smart .

june 1979...part 3...july 3

are you aware that there is no difference between between one wild strawberry and the entire universe ??? both are simply grown to eventually be consumed by a power far greater than itself...come to think of it...everything is the fucking same...the universe is an orgasm...an orgasm...a rose...THIS EVERYTHING IS BUILT TO FALL APART...and as the strawberry enters the little boy's mouth...i am thankful that this is just a small universe that i live in...one...when gone...will not be missed even in the slightest by the other dimensions in space and time .  

MY PENIS...

ME CACK DON'T WORK LIKE IT USED TO...BUT THAT'S O.K...PEOPLE CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

late june 1979...part 2...june 27

her and her sister drove up in some old blue dodge complete with an eight track blaring charlie danials...whaling about the benefits of inbreeding under the influence of moonshine or something of of that nature...( the allman brothers finally taught me of the beauty of southern rock sometime later that same year)...ANYWAY...YES I DID FALL IN LOVE...and yes i did hurt that deliciously sweet northern nova scotian gal...i still remember the dust that came flying from the back wheels as " mom" peeled down that mother fucking country road like a t. rex after a drunken virgin on prom night...or something like that...but one thing for sure...the dust on that road...did not compare to all that fucking shit inside my head .

life is to learn...it has that potential anyway .  

THE FUTURE...

THE MORE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR PAST...THE MORE WE TRY TO PREDICT OUR FUTURE .

late june 1979...part one

it was a four day canoe trip across eastern nova scotia...the thing about black bears is that there has only been one reported black bear casualty in canada in the last 100 years...and according to all involved...the fucker was asking for it...ANYWAY...i was with a lovely crew...no murders...yet...only three...( that i was aware of )...would have kept their purity from murder if there had been an outbreak of laziness...my paddle entered the water like it was the vagina of that beautiful young blonde creature who awaited me some 70 miles away...i sang willie nelson...half of the STARDUST album...( the other half  would have to wait )...I WAS SO ALIVE THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD WAS DEAD IN COMPARISON .

CRAB-OLOGY

WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD...I WENT TO THE BEACH AND COLLECTED A BUCKET OF CRABS...I THEN PROCEEDED TO TAKE THEM TO MY SECOND FLOOR APARTMENT AND WATCH THEM FUCK AROUND INSIDE THE BUCKET AT MY CONVENIENCE...NEXT DAY...I WENT TO GRANDMA'S PLACE AND STAYED FOR THE NIGHT...WHEN I RETURNED I WAS TO FIND THAT EVERY FUCKING CRAB PLUMMETED TO HIS DEATH...JUST TO GET AWAY FROM ME...POINT BEING...WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN WE DISCOVER THAT CRABS ARE MORE CONCERNED WITH QUALITY OF LIFE THAN PEOPLE ???  THAT IS TO SAY...IF IT HAD BEEN A BUCKET OF PEOPLE I HAD CORRALLED OUTSIDE ON MY VERANDA...I WOULD HAVE FOUND THEM ALL HUDDLED IN A CORNER ...PISSING THEIR PANTS AND HANGING ONTO LIFE LIKE IT WERE THEIR PENIS...AND YOU WONDER WHY PEOPLE ARE BULLIES...BEING A BULLY IS THE ONE TRUE MARK OF A COWARD .

the swimming pool...

there was a baptism in the swimming pool...half way through the ritual...the pool began to quake...when the pictures were developed...you could count over a dozen demonic faces in the water .

all in all...everyone had a good time .

maybe the CABAGE was BAD

SO THERE I WAS IN THE GROCERY STORE WITH THIS YOUNG FELLOW...SUDDENLY...THIS LADY POINTS AT ME AND SCREAMS...RUNS THROUGH THE DOOR...BEGINS TO CLAW AT THE GLASS...AND YELL OBSCENITIES AT THE TOP OF HER VOICE...I CHECK TO SEE IF MY PENIS IS HANGING OUT OR SOMETHING...THEN CONTINUE WITH MY DAY .

THE WEAK...

THE STRONG WILL CONQUER THE EARTH , FOR SURE...IT IS JUST NOT GOING TO GO DOWN THE WAY YOU THINK IT IS...IT'S QUITE SIMPLE , ACTUALLY...WHEN THE " WEAK " FINALLY MAKE THEIR ESCAPE...THEY ARE GOING TO LEAVE EARTH...( OR WHAT'S LEFT OF IT )...A GOING AWAY PRESENT...COMPLETE WITH COLOR T.V...TOASTER...AND A CARD THAT READS..." SO LONG...AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FUCKING GRIEF...SINCERELY...THE WEAK...( YOU COCK SUCKERS ) " .  

IF THIS IS TRUE...IT BETTER BE A GOOD FUCKING TOASTER !!!

.paul mccartney...

when i was six or seven years old...i would cut my hair like paul mccartney...i would put on my paul mccartney look-alike mop-top boots laced at the top with genuine paul mccartney hair to keep "the rolling stones" away...blatantly flaunt my paul mccartney thing-a-ma-jig that i proudly wore around my neck that had been authentically blessed by the pope...and , as well...perpetually tell my friends the non-solicited time on my three hand paul mccartney SHE LOVES YOU YA , YA , YA...NOW JOIN OUR FUCKING FAN CLUB watch...damnedest thing though...I DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHO PAUL MCCARTNEY WAS .

...and that's what i call clubbing a seal . 

dinosaurs and shit

in a few years...when the dinosaurs take over again...making love to you in a tree infested with killer spiders...will be nothing but a distant memory...and as we watch the dinosaurs devour the flesh of our parents...we will sit back...drink some more rum and coke...make googlie eyes...and say passive aggressive shit to each other as the sun goes down .

...and just don't forget...i can run faster than you .

hey , kids...don't try this at home...

so this lady decided to leave her husband...(you know , like most ladies sooner or later)...ANYWAY...what she did was shit all over the place and then proceeded to rub it upon any fucking thing she could find...SHIT EVERYWHERE...rubbed upon everything but his reputation ,  ironically...for being an ass hole .

THE END

pulling your head out of your ass...

SO YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS...JUST TO SEE THAT THE WORLD IS FULL OF SHIT .

man's best friend...

1-jesus
2-dogs
3-pocket pussy
4-death
5-the beatles

how do you feel ???

HOW DO YOU FEEL IF YOU ARE WATCHING A COMMERCIAL ...AND THE PERSON THE SAME SEX AS YOU...IS BETTER LOOKING THAN THE ONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ???

DO YOU FEEL :

a) confused
b) threatened
c) in the mood for hard-core bingo
d) hungry for butterscotch pudding
e) curious about life in outer space
f) wacka wacka wacka
g) ready to smoke drugs with a sabre tooth tiger
h) ready to go piss inside an abandoned haunted house 

...let's just say this is not true...

this guy who works for some foreign government...AND HAS SOME TYPE OF DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY...lives next door to this fucked-up , DARK HEARTED , SAVAGE , dictator...( which separates him not a bit from all the other fucked up dictators )... ANYWAY...apparently...this insidious prick despises cats...SO WHAT DOES HIS NEIGHBOR DO ???  everyday , when he goes for a walk - well , not everyday...but certainly once in a while- he throws an open tin of cat food on his lawn .

NOW , THAT'S WHAT I CALL BUILDING BRIDGES .

reality is such a cruel bitch

THE RAVEN

EVERY SUMMER WHEN I WOULD GO TO WEST GREEN HARBOUR...MY FAVORITE PART OF THE TRIP WOULD BE GETTING GAS APPROXIMATELY FIFTEEN MILES OUTSIDE THE VILLAGE...SEE...HERE'S THE THING...THE GAS ATTENDANT WOULD HAVE THIS GIGANTIC MOTHER-FUCKING RAVEN ON HIS SHOULDER...IT WOULD JUST SIT THERE AND WATCH US AS THE LIQUID WAS POURED...I WOULD SEND A TELEPATHIC MESSAGE TO THE BIRD TO CLIMB IN THE WINDOW AND SHIT ON   MY FATHER'S SHOULDER...but that never happened .

THE BIRD WAS AT LEAST THE SIZE OF TWO CROWS . 

how many ways to see the same thing ???

going south

IT IS NOT OUR OBSTACLES TO LOVE THAT MAKE OUR LOVE IMPURE...IT IS OUR WORSHIP OF THESE OBSTACLES THAT MAKE OUR LOVE GO SOUTH  .

sweating in the hotdogs

my first week in australia...making hotdogs for hundreds of drunken , belligerent ozzy's...it is 120 degrees or so...i profusely sweat in the hotdog buns...as the sweat pours faster and faster...they scream louder and louder...SUCH IS MY TRIP INTO EXPERIENCING LIFE...IT WILL BOTH GET BETTER AND WORSE  .

DISCOVERY

I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT MANY PEOPLE HAVE BUTTER...AND MANY PEOPLE HAVE BREAD...BUT IT IS ONLY THE " CHOSEN FEW "...THAT KNOW WHO BUTTERS THEIR BREAD .

who will commit suicide ???

THE MOST WELL BALANCED...AND THE LEAST WELL BALANCED...ALL ELSE ARE RELATIVELY SECURE .

deep within

if the human species is completely oblivious concerning love...and how it works and how it should manifest itself in our day to day lives...then how come people instinctively know what lies to tell in order to breed a worthy counterfeit ???

the death of micheal jackson

so this fellow is walking by this outside bar...he grabs a bottle of wine off of someone's table...he swigs the whole fucking back...and says..." TO MICHEAL !!! " ...and everyone repeated in unison..." TO MICHEAL  !!! " .

addicted to mediocrity

SURE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS...LIKE ''the beatles" AT ONE END OF THE SPECTRUM...AND "the sex pistols" AT THE OTHER...BEYOND THIS , HOWEVER...WE ARE CONFRONTED WITH A HARSH , REAL TRUTH...THE BEST WAY NOT TO SUCCEED IN THIS UNIVERSE...IS TO BE EITHER VERY GOOD AT SOMETHING...OR VERY BAD...roughly translated...WE ARE A PEOPLE ADDICTED TO MEDIOCRITY .      

i don't want to brag...

I DON'T WANT TO BRAG...BUT...THE SAME PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO RUN ME OUT OF TOWN...ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HITLER .

jesus runs over your mother...march 15 2014

when we look upon an individual...we can see the darkness...and that makes us feel comfortable...BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE JUST REFLECTS LIGHT ??? and , as a result...we see ourselves ??? THIS IS WHEN THE UNIVERSE OPENS...AND WE HAVE TO MOVE IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER .

TO THOSE WHO LIVE LOVE...LOVE MAKES THEM COMFORTABLE...AS FOR THE OTHERS...THIS IS WHERE THE ROAD TO JUSTIFICATION OR ENLIGHTENMENT BEGINS . 

porn addict...

WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THEY READ A LOT...WHAT THEY USUALLY MEAN IS THAT THEY ARE A PORN ADDICT .

fuck everything up...

everybody is doing just about all they can to fuck everything up...yet...we are all still here...this should prove one of two things...either there is a god...or beating a million to one odds...is no big fucking deal after all .

the minister and the slut...

there was this minister...who paid his way through bible college by prostituting his wife on the street .

better than most ministers !!!

THE FAVOR

I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A MOVIE...IT'S ABOUT THIS DICTATOR WHO NEEDS A NEW KIDNEY OR ELSE HE WILL DIE...ONE OF HIS COUNTRYMEN VOLUNTEERS A KIDNEY...AND IT IS ACCEPTED...WHAT THE DICTATOR DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT IT HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH VERY SLOW MOVING POISON BEFORE THE OPERATION .

NOBODY EVER MAKES THE CONNECTION .

TOGETHER...

PUTTING  yourself  TOGETHER...is ACCEPTING YOURSELF IN LITTLE PIECES .

we are all prostitutes...

WE ARE ALL PROSTITUTES...JUST SOME OF US HIDE IT BETTER THAN OTHERS .

THE PROPHET...

THE PROPHET DECLARED THAT THE PEOPLE OF THE LAND WERE A MEAN BUNCH OF FUCKERS...SO THEY CUT OFF HIS HEAD .

GOD

QUESTION TO ALL YOU INTELLECTUAL TYPES : CAN GOD GET SO PISS-EYED DRUNK...THAT THE UNIVERSE CAN'T FUNCTION ANY MORE ???

MEN FUCKING AROUND

IT IS NOT GOOD THAT MEN FUCK AROUND AS MUCH AS THEY DO...BUT LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE...WHEN THEY ARE NOT FUCKING AROUND...THEY ARE USUALLY DESTROYING SOMETHING OR PRETENDING TO BE " GODLY "...OR SOME BULLSHIT DELUSION LIKE THAT...

SO FUCK AWAY , MEN !!!

cock sucker wars...

...so it's during " the slave trade "...jesus comes to earth and begins to teach the slaves the wonder of oral sex and masturbation...the slave population begins to decline...enters the religious folks...they tell the people they will burn in hell if they practice such things...jesus , once again...is crucified...as for the slaves...you write your own ending !!! 

two lesbians

two lesbians walking down the street...holding each others hands...you know , sweet , gentle ,caring , in touch...that kind of thing...and i am thinking...what kind of shit...did they have to go through...to get to this place...how mean were their parents ??? how judgmental were their friends ??? could they touch each other in school ??? lesbians...nope , not really...i will guarantee you this , however...these two young ladies are dreaming of becoming lesbians...BUT for right now...


THEY ARE WARRIORS 

TIT

DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW...IF SOMEONE THINKS YOU ARE A TIT...THEY GO AROUND SAYING TO ALL THEIR LITTLE FRIENDS..."WHAT A FUCKING TIT"...BUT LATER ON...WHEN THEY DISCOVER THAT YOU BELIEVE THEM TO BE A TIT AS WELL...THEY GET ALL FUCKING OFFENDED AND HURT ???

I'M JUST SAYING...

WHATEVER IS GOING ON...

WHATEVER IS GOING ON DOWN HERE ON PLANET EARTH...IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T WHAT WE THINK IT IS .

the bigger the dinosaur...the faster it went extinct...or not

the evangelical crusade...

...so this fucker is telling people to get out of their wheelchairs if they really love jesus...all fine and dandy...BUT THERE IS THIS ONE MOTHER WHO IS TAKING MR. TIT-HEAD JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO SERIOUSLY ....she starts screaming at her kid to get the fuck out of his wheel chair or he won't get any fried chicken when he gets home...and the kid replies..." fuck you...i won't suck your tits , how's that , mom ??? "

...or something like that , anyway

used to be famous...

billy used to be young and famous...now he just sits in the corner of the coffee shop as the teenagers walk in and and blow snot in his general direction..." who is that old fucker ??? " they say..."my mother wouldn't even screw that old tit...and , if she did...my father would barely watch " ...they wipe the shit off their hands onto the cream and other such compliments counter...hold their coffee with one hand...and their other is up their nose .

...penis

THE RIGHT AND TRUE THING...IS LIKE A LUBRICANT THAT YOU APPLY TO YOUR PENIS...( OR VAGINA...OR TINCOPOLO...IF YOU ARE FROM THE PLANET BETA-7 B) .  

ode to a shithawk march 8 2014

your wrong perception of things...WILL determine what you do...where you go...YOUR LIFE...POINT : WE BUILD THE WRONG CROSSWORD PUZZLE...ATTEMPTING TO MAKE THE PIECES FIT AS WE GO...DENIAL IS VIRTUALLY ALWAYS A MAIN INGREDIENT .

ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS WITH...humility...PRAYER....loving community...and DIVINE GUIDANCE .

LET LOVE GUIDE YOU !!!

JERKING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP...

ANYONE CAN SCREW THEIR WAY TO THE TOP...IT TAKES A REAL HERO TO JERK THEIR WAY TO THE TOP .

JACOB AND THE BEAN STALK august 89

everyone has to face their shit...and plugging your nose doesn't do the job...it may be ironic...but love compels us to confront everything within...it is a very demanding path...and leads us back to ourselves . 

immoral behavior...

I THINK WE SHOULD ENCOURAGE IMMORAL BEHAVIOR...AND I WILL TELL YOU WHY !!! THIS COMPLETELY MEGA- IMMORAL BEHAVIOR THAT WE ARE SO FIXATED WITH...DOESN'T SEEM TO GET US ANYWHERE !!! 

NEW RELIGION...

HERE IS THE SHIT...WE CUT OFF YOUR FEET AND PISS ON YOUR FACE FOR NOT WALKING PROPERLY...BUT WE ARE HONEST ABOUT IT...WHICH PUTS US WAY AHEAD OF THE AVERAGE !!!

CATHOLIC-OLOGY

...A COUPLE DAYS LATER...SAME COFFEE SHOP...SAME BOOK...THIS LADY SITS BY ME...I ' M THINKING TO MYSELF..."SHE MUST BE CATHOLIC"...( ENERGY READING THING )...OPEN THE BOOK AGAIN...AND WHAT IS MR. IRVINE TALKING ABOUT THIS TIME ??? CATHOLICS !!!

WHAT WE DON'T SEE...WE CHOOSE NOT TO SEE .

HALLELUJAH

SO I PICK UP A BOOK...AND THE WORD "HALLELUJAH" IS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME...ON PAGE 300 AND SOMETHING...AT THE SAME TIME...THE SONG " HALLELUJAH " IS PLAYING ON THE RADIO...AND THEN I GO HOME...AND A JET ENGINE HAS CRASHED THROUGH MY KITCHEN WALL .

( JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE JET ENGINE ).

BELIEVE...

WHAT YOU BELIEVE RESULTS IN THE WAY YOU INTERACT WITH EVERYTHING AROUND YOU .

IDIOTS...

IF YOU CALL AN IDIOT...IDIOT...WELL...YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AN IDIOT .

that's not your wife...

ADAM AND EVE

THE STORY OF ADAM AND EVE...IS QUITE SIMPLE...PEOPLE ARE MORE THAN HAPPY TO DO THE RIGHT THING...UNTIL SOMETHING CATCHES THE CORNER OF THEIR EYE...DOESN'T EVEN REALLY HAVE TO GIVE THEM AN ERECTION...I MEAN...ANYTHING WILL FUCKING WELL DO .

..BUT NOT ME...

WE ARE ALL SUBJECT TO  THE FORCES OF NATURE...BUT SOME OF US KNOW HOW TO GET THE BITCH OFF OUR BACK .

being yourself...

telling someone to be themselves...it is a good and healthy and beautiful thing...but just remember...someone being themselves is almost inevitably going to lead to a living room and study room full of freshly laid turds...indeed...allow people to be who they are...i mean...after they humiliate the shit out of themselves they probably won't want to see you again anyway...but that aside...IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING...there is quite the possibility for renewal and reconstruction under such circumstances .

NOBODY SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY !!!

god loves a sinner

god loves a sinner...that's what he says , anyway...if you ask me it's just a scam for HIM to get everyone to " spill the beans"...so HE can pulverize the snot out of them . 

SUMMER 1973

IT WAS TO THE RECORD STORE EVERY  DAY...BUT ONLY AFTER MY FRIEND DID HIS BEST JOHNNY CASH IMPRESSION AT BUCKLEY'S MUSIC WORLD ABOUT A QUARTER OF A MILE AWAY...GOD SHINED HIS LIGHT...WE FOUND A BROKEN BUBBLE GUM MACHINE...SO WE TOOK EVERY FUCKING PIECE OF GUM AND HEADED FOR "THE HILLS"...IT'S FUNNY HOW YOUR ATTITUDE CHANGES AFTER YOU GET RICH...LIKE PISSING IN  SHAMPOO BOTTLES AT YOUR FRIENDS PLACE...I THINK ALL WEALTHY KIDS DO THAT...IT'S JUST A GIVEN...I PISS IN YOUR SHAMPOO...AND YOU PISS IN MINE ...AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS UNTIL SOMEBODY GOES BOLD .

hide not your love...

the answer to it all...

EVERYTHING...good...evil...indifferent...IS HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION...WHEN IT GETS THERE...IT WILL BE ILLUMINATED  UNTIL IT IS BRIGHTER THAN THE BRIGHTEST  STAR...OR EXTINGUISHED AND DISAPPEAR INTO THE MIDNIGHT WIND...EITHER WAY...EVERYTHING IS GOING WHERE IT SUPPOSED TO GO .

PUSH

THE ESSENCE OF THE NON-SPIRITUAL LIFE...IS TO PUSH...AND SOONER OR LATER...THEY WILL FIND ANOTHER TO QUIETLY PUSH BACK...ACCORDING TO THEIR NEUROSIS...LIFE IS NOW FINE...THIS IS OFTEN REFERRED TO AS love...which leads us to the spiritual human...the enlightened human has nothing to push against...therefor...in good time...the pusher is revealed for the individual he or she is...END RESULT...ONE CRUCIFIED MESSIAH .

BILL'S VIBRATOR

bill's vibrator...comes with a free sausage...so...if that's your "thing"...you can satisfy two holes at the same time.

LONG AGO...IN A GALAXY...

LONG AGO IN A GALAXY NOT SO  FAR , FAR AWAY...SOMEONE DECIDED THAT FUCKING PEOPLE AROUND WAS A REASONABLE IDEA...UNLESS , OF COURSE...THEY WERE BIGGER THAN YOU .

SKINNY DIPPING...AUGUST 27 1979

DID YOU EVER GO SKINNY DIPPING AND YOUR BODY BRUSHES AGAINST ANOTHER BODY...AND...LIKE...THEY ARE DEAD...YOU KNOW...THE FIRST THOUGHT YOU HAVE IS...I HOPE IT WASN'T SOMEONE WHO WAS MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE...THEN THE SECOND THOUGHT IS...NOW , WHAT ARE THE FUCKING ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING...ANYWAY...IN RETROSPECT...IT WAS PROBABLY A FORE-RUNNER...THAT IS TO SAY...IT WAS PROBABLY MY BROTHER...SEVEN YEARS BEFORE HE ACTUALLY DROWNED .  

THE BEAVER...JUNE 30 1979

THERE I WAS ,  GLIDING DOWN LONG LAKE AS THE SUN BEGAN TO SET AND OPEN IN FRONT OF ME LIKE A DRUNKEN VAGINA...I SAW A BEAVER SPLASH INTO THE DIAMOND EJACULATED WATER...AND I BEGAN TO MEDITATE UPON WHAT I WOULD SAY TO THE POLICE...SOMETHING LIKE..."OFFICER , I FIRED THE GUN BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WERE  JUST CAMPERS"...THE WATER DANCES OFF MY PADDLE . 

the end...

THE END IS OFTEN a  painful thing...AS IT IS A CONTINUATION OF ALL THE SHIT THAT WENT BEFORE IT .

GOD MADE US SEXUAL...

GOD MADE US SEXUAL...SO RELIGION COULD HAVE ONE MORE WAY TO FUCK US UP .

the net...feb. 8 2014 / the retreat

everyone has life insurance...until they need it...then they may very well discover that their policy is nothing more than a kick in the teeth...OUR LIFE INSURANCE IS COMMUNITY THAT WORKS AND OUR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER...many things will draw us together : fear / addiction / religion / pain / LOVE...ONLY LOVE IS ETERNAL...a foundation of rock .  

thank you

thank you for marrying that horrible , wretched beast...i feel so much better about my choice for a mate now .

experimentation

experimentation...is not the devil's secret weapon .

god

maybe god made so many PATHETIC PEOPLE...so he would feel like he accomplished something when he decided to love them .

videos people love...

what people love ??? cat videos and porn...so here's a thought...some cat screwing this guy until his eyes cross...200 ,000 , 000 hits , right ??? 

jesus...

ESSENTIALLY...JESUS WAS OFFENSIVE...BUT JUST ABOUT ALL FIVE BILLION CHRISTIANS IN THE HISTORY OF CHRISTENDOM...AND THEIR KEEP-YOUR-PENIS-SOFT THEOLOGY...MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IT .

tits...

IS YOUR RELIGION...BIGGER THAN YOUR TITS ???

DEATH...

DO YOU KNOW WHO IS AFRAID OF DEATH ??? PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKING LIVED !!!

flarm's music review...part 1

i drove from gander ,  nfld. , to halifax n. s...eating cow ass textured rice crispie squares all the way...i had just attended my brothers funeral...somewhere in the midst of a lowly middle class troll infested forest...there were no rice crispie squares there...just lots of newfoundland fried atomic-horn-dog  rum...it was the day i was introduced to john prine...at my brother's motorbike club house..."prine prime" , the album was entitled...years later i would help break his "fair and square " album into the halifax market...i regarded it as "the best album of the year"...mr. prine wrote me back and thanked me...and how humbling it is having correspondence with one of the greatest song writers  that ever lived .

if you want to purchase one of his albums...try any of them .

pure love...

IT IS DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND PURE LOVE...IN A WORLD THAT MOCKS IT AT EVERY TURN .

what is normal ???

I DO HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE JUDGING THINGS TO BE  NORMAL...ABNORMAL...WHATEVER...BY WHAT YOU SEE AROUND YOU ON THIS SHIT-INFESTED , FUCKED-UP , EMOTIONALLY BANKRUPT  LITTLE  THING-A-MA-JIG...MEANDERING AIMLESSLY THROUGHOUT THE SPERM-LIKE NIGHT SKY .

theme song

how about you write me a theme song...and every time i visit you at your place...you sing it for me as i make an entrance...AND THEN...i can write you a theme song...and i can teach it to you...and you can sing that one too .

options...

IF YOU HAVE NO OPTIONS...THEN REJOICE !!! AS YOU DEFINITELY KNOW WHERE GOD WANTS YOU TO BE .

HAPPY EASTER

...KING HEROD CAN SUCK MY COCK !!!

men or woman...who is better ???

this is really a "no-brainer" , actually...men blow the shit out of everything...sell anti-biotics  that don't work to the third world...rape...pillage...invent non-existent gods...beat the fuck out of you if you don't worship them...make rude comments on the internet that make no sense...lie , even when the truth is more convenient...and forget to take out the garbage...AND ALL THAT WOMAN DO ??? put up with all this shit !!!

p.s.
church ladies don't count...they are in a class by themselves .  

telling people what to think...

people who tell others what to think...usually don't think .

YOUR PENIS

ANYONE IN TOO MUCH OF A HURRY TO SUCK YOUR PENIS...YOU WILL FIND IS ALSO  IN TOO MUCH OF A HURRY TO BITE IT OFF .

godzilla

think of your neurosis...as godzilla...point being...there is no way you can beat the fucker into submission...you have to understand it and befriend it...embrace it...and work with it .

OUR ONLY WEAPON IS LOVE .

LIFE...

LIFE...DID I SIGN UP FOR IT ??? WAS IT IMPOSED ON ME ??? OR IS THE ANSWER SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN .

the path

AS WE MOVE OFF OUR PATH...OUR PERCEPTION OF EVERYTHING MOVES WITH US .

old old days

drunk...stoned...it didn't matter...kids from all over nova scotia would get fucked-faced and then come to hear me preach THE GOOD WORD...i won't pass judgement either way...it is too easy to pass judgement...and almost impossible to be correct...ANYWAY...it made life interesting .

down the country road...

one experience i would like to live over and over again...is being in a small cabin-alone-somewhere by a lake...drinking rum...having the sound of a cheap radio competing with the sound of a crackling fire...i sit and i write...it is early july...june bugs pounce upon the screen door...like 13 year old children into their parents liquor cabinet...almost with violence...but the memories the sound brings back to me soften the noise as if to be melting glass .

suddenly...i am too drunk to write anymore...i walk down the country road...i feel pleased with my endeavor...all is fine .   

coinsidence ???

every time i look at a cat...it shits its pants .

the cow of ignorance...

SUCK DRY THE UTTER FROM THE COW OF IGNORANCE...KICK HIM IN THE ASS OF CONFUSION !!! THEN HAVE A DRINK .

where ever you are going to...be there when you get there !!!

18 years...

for 18 years i let my wife put her penis up my bottom...then one day i discovered...she don't have no penis .

one and only...happy birthday !!!

you are my one and only...because nobody else is stupid enough to have me .

the nudest part 3

point being...with the right set of circumstances...not only will our weaknesses become our strengths...but they will also afford us a new set of pleasures .

a nudest is a nudest...not out of obligation to some latent tendency...a nudest is a nudest...because it explores a apart of his or her identity that has to be explored to reach life's full potential .

the nudest part 2

being fucked around causes various hurts and pains...and they usually ruin peoples lives...BUT HERE IS A LITTLE SECRET I HAVE KEPT BETWEEN MYSELF AND POPPA SMURF .

THOSE HURTS AND NEEDS AND SUCH CREATED BY THE ANTI-CHRIST AND HIS FOLLOWERS...with the right attention and love and acceptance and wisdom...they can become your most beautiful parts...and being open and real about them to those who really love you..can result in a release and a healing that transforms you into a brand new creature .

the nudest part 1

the thing about being a nudest...is that , though very insignificantly...you have separated yourself from society...AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF " DIFFERENT "...SO THIS BEGS THE QUESTION...WHY BE DIFFERENT WHEN IT ATTRACTS THE VAMPIRES ???

good question !!!

the general collins

my friend , the honorary general...i discovered today...looks remarkably like the captain of the titanic...HERE IS THE SHIT...some would say...it is a coincidence...some would say...reincarnation...these two analysis of the situation have one thing in common...they are looking for the answer that makes them feel the most comfortable...WE ARE AN ARROGANT FUCKING SPECIES...AND EVERYTHING HAS TO FIT OUR  LITTLE WORLD VIEW...i will tell you exactly why the general looks like ( and sorta feels like )...the captain...IT IS SOMETHING WE HAVEN'T CONSIDERED YET , THAT'S WHY .

AS FOR THE LOCH NESS MONSTER...IT AIN'T MY GRAND MA...I WILL TELL YOU THAT MUCH !!!

tune in to...why the traditional view of reincarnation...it complete bullshit .

wackin' shoes

so me gal friend in ozzy calls me on the phone and says she wants to go skinny dipping with a client...business nude dipping me thinks they call it...I WILL TELL YOU THIS , BROTHERS AND SISTERS...IF SOMEONE WANTS TO FUCK AROUND ON YA...ALL THE CLOTHING IN THE WORLD AIN'T GONNA STOP THEM...SO I SAYZ...I SAYZ...WATCH OUT FOR THEM THERE SHARKS , BABY...DA PHONE SEX AIN'T NO GOOD IF YAR ATE BY SOME SHARK !!!

SHE USED TO CALL ME UP AND SAYS...HEY , BOY...PUT ON YAR WACKIN' SHOES...AND THAT'S WHAT I DOES .

monster from the bottom of the monster...

this is the story of a sea monster who went around licking the but-holes of other sea monsters...MONSTER FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE MONSTER...coming soon to a theater near you .

july 1993 , whitman inn

the people of my community sent me away for a week or so...i specifically remember one hot , still , gentle night...walking down the country road with my amazingly amber beverage in my left hand...i remember the feeling that there was...not one fucking thing that this universe possessed that i desired...there was myself...the forest...and somewhere in between illuminated spiritual visions that , at least for the time being...were physically manifested upon this little blue planet...for me to embrace and hold in this unrestricted moment of joyful surrender .

vivid is the memory of what i was given...and apocalyptic is the memory of what was taken away .

sex...

when i think " grinch that stole christmas "...i think sex .

happy birthday

if you don't like me...don't worry about it...my parents didn't either...HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

god's new commandment...

GOD'S NEW COMMANDMENT...GROW THE FUCK UP !!!

prejudice...

 LEGISLATING AGAINST BIGOTRY...IS LIKE USING SHIT AS AN AIR FRESHENER .

SORRY...ONLY LOVE CAN CHANGE THE HEART .

good impression...

we made such a good impression...which just goes to show you what you can accomplish by keeping your clothes on .

...as life goes on...i advise you to do the same...

one of my most famous cartoons...ever !!!

the love commandment

there is something imbedded within THE LOVE COMMANDMENT that has a powerful effect upon the behavior of an individual...allowing one to grow and become who and what they are supposed to become...this is opposed to RELIGION...which , not only hides hides ones behavior...but allows the seeds of evil to grow and expand in a way that remains hidden from the general population for quite some time..usually...until it is too late .

bastard windows , etc .

PUSH THE BUTTONS FOR MY BOOKS... ''BASTARD WIDOWS''...and... "ME AND DRINKY" ...they will fuck you up real good !!!

everything is lined up...

everything is lined up perfectly to bring us to where we have to go...unfortunately...we usually run in the opposite direction .

fear is our substitute for love

FEAR IS OUR SUBSTITUTE FOR LOVE...UNFORTUNATELY...IT IS ALSO THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE...go figure .

save the fucking dragons

i started the " save the fucking dragon foundation "...but it's not doing very well .

everything

EVERYTHING POINTS BACK TO LOVE...EVEN THE ABSENCE OF LOVE VIVIDLY EXPOSES THE PAIN THAT RESULTS IN A SOUL UNCONNECTED TO THE ONLY UNIVERSAL TRUTH . 

country road

one experience i would like to live over and over again...is being in a small cabin-alone-somewhere by a lake...drinking rum...having the sound of a cheap radio competing with the sound of a crackling fire...i sit and i write...it is early july...june bugs pounce upon the screen door...like 13 year old children into their parents liquor cabinet...almost with violence...but the memories the sound brings back to me soften the noise as if to be melting glass .

suddenly...i am too drunk to write anymore...i walk down the country road...i feel pleased with my endeavor...all is fine .   

godspell

i walk down the street...and for no reason what-so-ever...i begin to sing songs from this album that has been out of print for quite a few years...SUDDENLY...out of the blue...i hear it playing through someones door as i walk into my university dorm...and...yes...they did make me a copy .

question...

QUESTION...HOW MANY WAYS ARE THERE TO BE UNREAL...ANSWER...I CAN'T TELL YOU...YOU MIGHT FIND IT OFFENSIVE .

life

WHAT IS WITHIN  YOUR SOUL...WILL EVENTUALLY MANIFEST ITSELF AROUND YOU...AND YOU SHALL REFER TO IT AS...LIFE !!!

meanwhile in hockey...boston 5...monteral 2 .

the price you pay

everything has a price , right ??? good...now that we have established this as fact...remember this...you , essentially pay for something what it is worth...SO...IN YOUR DEALINGS WITH LIFE...THE UNIVERSE...AND THE WHOLE FUCKING THING...you will find that the cost of a bag of carrots is not that much...and the cost of REAL LOVE...YOUR VERY SOUL .  

IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS...EVERYTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS...YOU JUST GOT TO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND LOOK AROUND TO SEE .

making streams bend...feb 6 2014 / the retreat

if you suffer with certain types of afflictions...they will murder you...and if you seek some type of religion for assistance...you will quickly discover that the water of baptism...is filled with piranha .

...YET...THERE MUST BE A BETTER WAY...INDEED...LOVE IS THE WAY...the question is...who is the real believer ??? who's heart offers unconditional love ???

be careful on your journey...SEEK TRUTH IN ALL HUMILITY...LET THE WIND CARRY YOU HOME...and away from those with murder in their hearts .

howard stern...disappointing

howard stern said that , though he spent a lot of time masturbating as a young adult...he wasn't proud of it...now , why in the fuck would he not be proud of it ???  i mean...it has only had a greater effect on world peace than every peace talk in the history of our planet times a billion...wake up howard...get with it...sincerely : rev . stu strang

fast food...

fast food is so much faster...if you are carrying a shotgun .

peaceful easy feeling...feb. 5 2014 / the retreat

the thing i never understood about summer camping...was that there was no masturbatorium...don't you find it interesting that we can have an illegal war...blow up children and women...but it is the masturbatorium that makes us fearful and violent...OUR DECISIONS USUALLY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THINKING PROCESS...INSTEAD...IT IS OUR INNER UNRESOLVED CRAP...WRAPPED UP IN A TIDY PACKAGE...THEN PROJECTED UPON GOD-KNOWS-WHO FOR GOD-KNOWS-WHAT REASON .

FOR GOD'S SAKE...TURN AROUND !!!

real humans

REAL HUMANS...DON'T FIT IN .

steven speilberg' s yahat...( which i did not know existed ) .

for whatever reason...i had a dream about steven speilburg's yahat...so when i got up...i looked it up on the internet...and low and behold...it looked just like it did in my dream...fuck...even the water looked the same .

the traveller

how does my friend 8#@$ travel , you ask ??? good fucking question  : well , he buys himself a suit at the beginning of his journey...then he proceeds to invite himself to people's weddings as he makes his way from one end of the continent to the other...bullshitting all the way .

check out his blog , featuring the poem..." an ode to a bullshitter that has just about enough confidence to convince people of just about any fucking thing that he wants " . 

life...

DO YOU THINK THAT LIFE JUST MAYBE A SLOW UNRAVELING OF WHO LOVES EACH OTHER AND WHO DOES NOT ???


I DO .

the more fucked up...the more quick they are to judge .

after all is said and done...

AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE...THERE IS NOTHING TO DO OR SAY .


...OR IS THERE ???

pocket pussy...your economic friend...

wedding ring ??? fuck...five to 10 thousand dollars...pocket pussy...30 dollars...now , i ain't no mathematician...but my guess is that you can save up to 9 , 970 dollars...and that don't include living expenses .  

pocket pussy...the gift that keeps on giving .

testimony time in church

it was sunday morning at the local pentecostal church...testimony time , it was...so this guy stands up and he says..." did you know it is a known fact that there is a 30 % better chance that compulsive masturbators don't get cancer in their privates ??? "...well , he sure as fuck won't get cancer in his privates...it's hard to get cancer in your privates when you are dead .

98 % of men...

it is a commonly know fact that 98 % of married men...never heard of the "pocket pussy" .

the opportunist feb. 22 2014

the god thing works really well...until somebody wants something...then the PRINCE OF PEACE just becomes someone you hide behind as you casually stock your prey...LOVE IS AN ACT OF SUBMISSION TO LOVE...but if it is your way of grabbing everything off your neighbors front lawn...then proceeding to the hills...who am i to stop you ???

never judge a road by what you perceive with the naked eye .