the coffee shop...from the book / "dingo wombat...your nation"

i went to the coffee shop
for a cup of coffee
i say
"can i have a cup of dark roast?"
and the reply is
"we don't have any dark roast
in fact
we don't have any coffee at all"
so i say
"what do you have???"
and he says
"diaries for teenage girls
you can tell that's who they're for
because they all have locks on them"
he continues
"we have 2342 different varieties" 
so i say
"then why do you call this a coffee shop???"
at this point
he begins to cry
and accuses me of judging him