ways to know your marriage is shit

1-when you put your rubber ducky in the tub...chemicals come out of its ass...2-your vibrator is hooked up to the car battery...3-dr. phil eggs your house...4-you get shot between the eyes...5-she gives you a picture of her screwing the milkman for your birthday...6-you find a book under the bed entitled..."how to remove your husbands nuts"...7-your poodle has been stuffed and mounted...8-he stays at work and plays video games on a broken video machine...9-she bought you a carton of cigarettes for your lung infection...10-he keeps on saying that he loves you...completely unprovoked .