love is...

...love is a hand job with three hands and a foot...

drawn to love...

love attacks...THE LOVERS...and THE INSANE .

love never fails...

love never fails...so go to the moon and get me some .

love and bullshit...

love wins in quality...bullshit...in quantity .

...bullshit...

...before you invest your entire life into something...make sure it is not complete bullshit .

...mr . stupid...

...sometimes the road to healing involves visitations from your dear friend , MR . STUPID .

...the darker the hole...

...the darker the hole...the more shit you find in there .

a true sexologist...

a true sexologist can teach his sperm to do the back stroke .

knowing yourself...

...you know yourself...because he is the one person you don't recognise in the mirror .

the grand wizard...

if you ever get your own country...try out your potential leader with a cat , before he actually gets the position of grand wizard...( of whatever ) .

the aliens landed...

the aliens landed...each one with a bumper sticker spelling out the name of a completely new sexual preference .

reach up...

if you feel someone is better than you...reach up...do not pull them down .

the third testicle...

the third testicle...for real sex .

...google eyes...

...the truth never has google eyes .

...just a matter of time...

those who crucify themselves...will crucify all else along with them .

...that thing...

i had actually forgotten what the emotion JEALOUSY felt like...until you got THAT THING .

keep up with appearances...

'' keep up with appearances  ??? '' how about turtles first...and appearances if there is any left over ???  

behaviour...

it does not matter if a behaviour is good or bad...what matters is whether or not it scares someone .

never judge...

how do you put on 50 pounds of fat ??? judge an obese person for their weight .

god's big stick...

best prophesy in '' bible college ''...'' god is going to beat you with a big stick ''.

only love...

ONLY LOVE CAN BREAK A HEART...but a big stick is not going to do it any good .

tennis...balance...

then there are the tennis players who beat you once every decade and think they are better than you ...now , they really piss me off !!!

your poop...

take your poop more seriously...it is a metaphor for life .

nice guy...

tell me i am the nicest guy in the world...or i will beat the shit out of you !!!

nice guy...

tell me i am the nicest guy in the world...or i will beat the shit out of you !!!

run away...

everyone i know who runs away from pain...runs right into it .

...godzilla...

maybe godzilla's power...is just an overcompensation for repressed homosexuality .

just a joke to our mormon fans :

what did joe smith say when he got whornie ???

'' bring 'em young ''

how ???

how many times have i seen people empowered...just to see them use that power in the most strange and peculiar way ???

...shutting up...

''shutting the fuck up''...the world's lost art form .

...the greatest need...

the greatest need...is not the greatest love .

rolling in the mud...

...when you are rolling around in the mud...nobody can see that your hand is on your dick .

truth bends everything...

truth bends everything back into place .

religion is just a way...

religion is usually just a way to justify mental illness .

quotes from my left butt cheek...

it is not that i am not interested in you...it is just that i am a whole lot more interested in myself .

freedom , baby...

remember...when you give someone unequivocal freedom...that means they have the freedom to swing a baseball bar in your direction .

...all about holes...

don't confuse the hole in your heart with the hole in your ass .

...the greatest need...

...the greatest need...is not the greatest love .

wealth and poverty...

...wealth never delivers what they say...and poverty smells like shit .

betrayal...

...when you told your child the PARADE OF LIGHTS was called off...from that point on it had very little to do with lights and everything to do with betraying trust .

the tide and the universe...

there is no difference between the tide and the universe .

desire this...desire that...

when we desire something...it is fine and dandy...when someone else desires it...it is questionable at best .

...not even in top 20...

...when the aliens sift through the rubble formerly refereed to as PLANET EARTH...they better not fucking conclude that THE STONES...were the second best band of all time .

rare sexuality...

some sexuality changes like the tide and the wind...as the spirit develops....so does the human within .  

...the truth is a wave...

the truth is a wave that bounces any fucking where it wants .

speed up to slow down...

...maybe we can go so fast...that we slow down .

...sexual preference...

maybe there is a sexual preference for everyone on the planet .

...human need...

it has taken me all of my life to discover how deep and wide human need can really be .

...the wizard of ozz...

...if you watch THE WIZARD OF OZZ very closely...you will notice that TOTO...is fucked right out of his mind .

an authentic person...

an authentic person...will find themselves authentically in shit .

your god...

...make sure your god has a good sense of humour .

love springs...

...love springs from a well...so do trolls .

bible college...

in BIBLE COLLEGE...all behaviour is inappropriate .

...the nature of love...

...it is the nature of love to change shapes .

frog wars...

some day...the light green frogs...will wage war on the lighter green frogs .

reality and the sasquatch...

...reality and the sasquatch...both come out when the sun goes down .

suck it...

...suck the life out of life .

...one true religion...

i will prove to you that boodhaism is the one true religion...i don't remember a thing about my past life...told ya !!!

down in the valley...

once you would rather die than hurt someone...a special kind of joy trickles down the mountain and into the valley .

flarmology

...what you hate...

never fall in love with what you hate .

masturbating religions...

this mornon asked me to join his religion...i asked him if it were a masturbating or non-masturbating religion ???

ass holes...

no matter how circular an ass hole...it still does not make the world go round .

the use of anger...

anger is a garment...best used to wipe your ass .

before you start caring...

...before you start caring...remember the gargoyles !!!

masturbation forest...

i wrote a book entitled MASTURBATION FOREST...it jerked its way up the charts .

everything is eternal...

everything is eternal...where do you stay ???

the tree of love...

do not widdle THE TREE OF LOVE...but sit by the roots naked and wipe the branches across your dirty little bum . 

...bullshit and us...

...if your road to HEAVEN...is not littered with crap...bullshit...and half baked ideas...then be very concerned .

emotional existence...

with every day of emotional existence...we add another piece of clothing .

voting day...

50 % of the people i know spend 40 % of their time hiding their 60 % homosexuality...and it all shows up on voting day .

joy-ology...

...it will take another 100 , 000 years before people are convinced that JOY is not something you flush down the toilet .

...the nudest...

one looking for approval of who and what they are .

fire of love...

god did not give you the '' fire of love '' to burn your bird off .

reality...what a concept...

reality is found when you are looking somewhere else .

an ode to the creature of the black lagoon...

we kicked the shit out of it...then wondered why it didn't like us .

...fuck you...

FUCK YOU...understood by everyone .

robbing a sperm bank...

i wonder if a sperm bank has ever been robbed at gun point ???

truthology...

truth...when options are limited .

...about sex...

the thing i do not like about sex...is that there is always someone getting in the way .

dying love...

...to live love is a package deal...which also includes dying love .

truth and justice...

make sure truth screws justice...up the right hole .

delusional thinking...

to be human...is to think one thing...and think we are thinking something else .

away from self...

the further you get from yourself...the easier it is .

...hostility...

the deeper your love...in many cases...the more hostile the return .

crumble and die...

...maybe life is just a process of watching everything but love...crumble and die .

breathe under water...

breath under water...love the unlovely...guess which one is more difficult ???

80 years...

eighty years is probably just long enough for everything to surface .

...bullshit...

your bullshit makes you look bigger and act smaller .

abuse of love...

...the more love is abused...the more you want to throw up all  over the place .

love and piss...

love is not to be magically turned into piss .

...bullshit...

we spend our lives looking for something better...and it is almost always bullshit .

...i would rather die...

I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN YOU...sounds very similar to I WANT TO KILL YOU...

...choose your words carefully .

yehweh elmer lord god

it is god's home made glue...that keeps the universe together .

reality happens...

...reality happens when nobody is looking .

...good luck...

most decisions are made upon the appearance of things  that do not exist .

...enlightenment...

...the question is...will ENLIGHTENMENT give you an overwhelming desire to piss all over the human race ???

love is...

love is both the journey and the destination .

...go now...

...go where you are going...and bring me back an apple of undisclosed value...and let it drown in the quicksand of untruth and discontent .

quote of the day...

''a sasquatch is a large , harry man who got thrown out of the village by the catholic priest ''.

the sperm of peace...

the sperm of peace...is the one that swims in the wrong direction .

rat poison...

maybe we are all right now on the moon mining rat poison...and down here is just an illusion .

sucking and fucking...

sucking and fucking...god made us all unique .

penis motion...

it is not the penis...but the motion...and maybe the lotion...

the egg of love...

the egg of love...wedges its way through the ass-crack of discontent .

...if love ends...

if love ends...then it never began .

fucked up...

life is what fucks you up...as you are being fucked up .

...self hatred...

where does your self hatred come from ??? and how do you get it back there ???

people sleep...

people sleep at night...and in the day...even more .