jenny / from the album..."ship harbor"

jenny wanted to be beauty queen
of the village fair
jenny was only four feet high
she had worms in her hair
jenny weighed 300 pounds
she didn't have any teeth
jenny's breasts on either side
looked like a hunk of beef

first they put on their bathing suits
she looked like a can of tropical punch
and when she took it off for a laugh
seven people lost their lunch
next was time to give a speech
she waddled to the stage
and screamed out how minorities
should be locked up in a cage

finally it was talent time
and she took her lucky charms
she ate three boxes in five minutes
and she didn't use her arms
jenny didn't win the beauty show
jenny came in third
now she tours the world selling lucky charms
at least that's what i have heard

mary's corner store / from the album..."ship harbor"

mary owned a corner store
sold cigarettes and pie
chocolate bars to little kids
whole wheat bread and rye

mary owned a corner store
the screen door had a bell
she stole it from the neighbors cow
but no one would ever tell

mary had a corner store
mary liked her rum
blind drunk by 10 every day
stone cold drunk by one

a stranger once came into town
and into mary's store
cracked a joke about her afterwards
he don't come round no more

mary is an alcoholic
mary is a drunk
mary lost her little boy
to some ass hole in a truck

mary cries between customers
staring at a stolen cow bell
and if she ever made a slight request
she'd get the cow as well

charlie / from the album..."ship harbor"

charlie sold puppies in the village
somehow all the puppies were blue
they thought it was weird
but nobody cared
they just bought a puppy or two

charlie was born mentally challenged
we walked around without any clothes
they thought it was weird
but nobody cared
they figured that's just how it goes

charlie was abducted by aliens
al least that's what he said to everyone
they thought it was weird
but nobody cared
it seemed to be a whole lot of fun

charlie decided to run for mayor
he got a hat that said "vote for me"
they thought it was weird
but  nobody cared
and the mayor thought it was funny

but here's the thing that happened
charlie accidentally won
they all though their vote
would just be a joke
now who do you think is dumb

the food critic / from the album..."ship harbor"

mr. jones was the town food critic
but there was no radio station
there was no town news paper
or any other publication
mr. jones had lost his taist buds
in the second world war
mr. jones was the local food critic
but nobody knew what for

the only restaurant in town
served fish and chips and clams
mr. jones went there every week
and reviewed it again and again
mr. jones had lost his wife
in the winter of 53
and was taken to the cleaners
by the insurance company

mr. jones was invited to every house
to give his little review
every meal was two thumbs up
he loved the people too
mr. jones didn't have any money
but that didn't seem to matter
every day he ate for free
every week got a little bit fatter

January 14 2012

still a child...from the album / "ship harbor"

he was very young still a  child
calm as the moon but his eyes were wild
he decided to go for a little stroll
first day of the year the wind did blow
just a little exercise
try to burn off new year pies
walking down a country road
they slammed on the breaks so we are told
some things in life just aren't real
like when a loved one gets hit by an automobile

the first two weeks they thought he'd die
the town was confused they wondered why
they tried to feed him but it would not take
didn't want food but he sure could drink
40 days and 40 nights later
his body rose like an elivater
and all were rewarded for their care
with the worlds first alcoholic grizzly bear

his favorite drink was probably rum
when he woke in the morning he wanted some
and afternoon he loved his rye
couldn't walk straight but he sure did try
as the sun went down he was stone cold drunk
and fall asleep in the back of a truck
they split the bill it was only fair
for the worlds first alcoholic grizzly bear

garret / from the album..."ship harbor"

garret was a fisherman
upon the open water
garret thought his wife was fine
but the ocean was his lover

garret was a fisherman
he stroked his wife's moist breasts
but the waves upon the sea
were his treasure chest

garret was a fisherman
he put his love within her
but the net upon the sea
brought his only dinner

garret was a fisherman
he kissed his wife good-by
but when the fishing season was at end
was the only time he'd cry

garret dies one august day
upon a storm at sea
his best friend watched him be swept away
with peace and tranquility

the news was brought to his wife
that same stormy night
she took out a pack of smokes
then she took out a light

garret was a fisherman
who lost his life at sea
but when he got lost he got found
'cause that the way she be