ned the adulterer / from the album..."ship harbor"

ned the adulterer
lived in a small town on the water
he had a little fishing boat
he inherited from his father
blue sharks  were his favirite game
said they could feed you for about a year
some said shark tasted like rubber
but it went down good with beer

ned the adulterer
was just a little bit different
he was born with a fear of girls
and all that type of commitment
ned had a fear of intimacy
ned had a fear of sex
ned the adulterer was a virgin
to put in proper context

it started many years ago
at the high school graduation
instead of falling for a girl
he fell for overcompensation
a no one ever said a thing
they let him live his life inside his head
fantasizing of true romance
and things to do in bed

the village idiot / from the album..."ship harbor"

every village has an idiot
a weirdo with a hundred cats
sammy dressed in sacloth and ashes
went around reciting intergalactic math

sammy sold election buttons from the last election
sammy never figured out who had won
sammy stold flowers from mary's garden
she would come out sammy would run

sammy played baseball with the children
sammy never once hit the ball
sammy never cought one in the outfield
it would hit him on the head and sammy would fall

sammy found a bear cub in the forest
sammy took it home and kept it around
sammy shampooed his hair and brushed his teeth
now we got a grizzly bear in town

pastor smith / from the album..."ship harbor"

there was only one church in town
and the preacher was pastor smith
every sunday he would stand at the podium
and talk with a stammer and lisp
he would wave his hands and pick his nose
he would tell them that and this
and every sermon would always end
with god he don't exist


he would rant and scream like a little girl
calling every believer idiots and midgets
he would make fun of the pope and billy graham
he said the disciples were a bunch of idiots
jesus was just a man
and not much of one at that
he never raised nothing from the dead
he couldn't pull a rabbit out of a hat

nobody really gave a damn
they all figured life was too short
they would just sit and read the sunday paper
or have a little sip of port
they figured the lesson they had to learn
was be thankful for what you got
you see pastor smith was a bootlegger too
and they all liked that a lot

intro to "ship harbor"

scott and i wrote and recorded , more or less , 40 albums over an 18 month period...the next one we will release lyrics to is entitled "ship harbor"...basically , it is a collection of songs centered around the lives of the people who live in a fictitious town in the middle of nowhere...however , what distinguishes this town from most others...is the compassion and sense of community everyone had for each other...oh , yes...if this appeals to you...rent the movie..."lars and the real girl"...similar in texture and theme...luv stu  

the yeti...from the book / "there is a fly in my dingo wombat"

this young man spent
nine years in post secondary education
getting his doctors
in outdoor experience
when he completed his studies
he immediately packed up his stuff
and went on a yeti safari
where he was eaten by a yeti
on the first day
three days later
the yeti had a crap
and wiped his ass
with the fellows doctor degree
then he turned to his yeti friend
and said
why in hell
did that idiot
take his doctors degree
on a safari???

he did not know

the spirit of lust / from the album..."the second coming"

the pastor had an alter call
my girl went to the front
said she had to get delivered
for being such a slut

chorus :

please pastor don't cast out the spirit of lust
please pastor there is so much other stuff
cast out the spirit of being stupid
or maybe being cheap
but the spirit of lust
is one we gotta keep

she started foaming at the mouth
she fell down on the ground
pea soup sprayed everywhere
and she spun her head around

chorus :

footnote : did you ever wonder why religious folk are so intensely concerned with what you do in your bed room...and don't give a flying fuck if you are the most bitter person in the world ??? bottom line...i think they are talking more about their own sexuality than anyone else .

halifax water front part 1

the year...1986...some stranger walks up to me and says..."are you stephen strang???" (stephen strang being my brother who i look nothing like)...i reply..."no"...he looks into my eyes and says..."yea , stephen strang died in a hunting accident"...my response..."no , steve is alive and doing quite well"...a few weeks later...stephen dies in a hunting accident .